{"id":4584,"date":"2018-06-09T15:49:55","date_gmt":"2018-06-09T21:49:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4584"},"modified":"2018-06-09T15:49:55","modified_gmt":"2018-06-09T21:49:55","slug":"learners-permit-subtitled-performance-art-at-the-dmv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4584","title":{"rendered":"Learner’s Permit (Subtitled: Performance Art at the DMV)"},"content":{"rendered":"

A big motivator in my life is to not have anything happen to my children. I encourage them to stay safe \u2013 and be safe \u2013 by having frantic, one-sided conversations while they look on wide-eyed.\u00a0 These conversations always end with me sobbing, \u201cStay alive!\u00a0 I will come for you! I will find you!!!\u00a0 JUST STAY ALIVE!<\/strong>\u201d\u00a0 Of course I make sure to keep the \u201cstay alive\u201d scenarios in these conversations deliberately vague because I don\u2019t want to scare anyone, all sobbing aside.<\/em><\/p>\n

So you can just imagine the level of anxiety I\u2019ve been experiencing since Sissy got her learner\u2019s permit.\u00a0 Because, as we all know, many of the vague \u201cstay alive\u201d scenarios I refer to above involve cars in some way.\u00a0 Just let your imagination roam free here \u2013 as mine does \u2013 on what these scenarios could be.\u00a0 Make sure the scenarios are awful, truly awful, then welcome to my world.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Sissy successfully completed the newfangled online driving course, then had to go to the DMV and wait in the uncomfortable plastic seats to fill out some forms and take an in-person test.\u00a0 Finally, her name was called, her picture was taken and she and I were standing at the payment window.<\/p>\n

But before they let you escape with your learner\u2019s permit, you have to tell them if you\u2019d like to donate your organs should something\u2026er…happen.\u00a0 Sissy was all in on that, but a 15 year old can\u2019t actually make that decision for herself according to the great state of Colorado.\u00a0 So the woman staffing the payment window turned to me and asked me for my permission to donate Sissy\u2019s organs.<\/p>\n

We should pause now so I can tell you about Sissy\u2019s big motivator: to not have me cry in public.\u00a0 And if I must cry in public, she prefers I not be standing next to, or affiliated with her in any visible way.<\/p>\n

So you see where this is all going, right? This woman has front-and-centered my biggest fear.\u00a0 My biggest fear begets Sissy\u2019s biggest fear.\u00a0 We\u2019re at the head of an entire room filled with people who have nothing else to do but sit in uncomfortable plastic seats waiting for the show to start.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>-Cue tears-<\/p>\n

Sissy, who has a sixth sense about things that might make me cry in public while she\u2019s standing next to me, straightens up when the woman says the stuff about organs and whips her head around to look at me.\u00a0 Her mouth is an \u2018O\u2019 of despair and horror since she knows what she\u2019ll\u00a0 find.\u00a0 My eyes have overflowed and tears are rolling down my face.\u00a0 Luckily my back is to the room so I\u2019m not total Performance Art at the DMV.<\/p>\n

The payment window woman is completely appalled <\/span>\u00a0a little taken-aback by my tears and tries to \u201chelp.\u201d\u00a0 She leans close and says in an authoritative voice, \u201cYou would rather I ask this question now instead of having to ask it should something happen.\u201d\u00a0 Ok, WHAT?\u00a0 What are you even saying?!?\u00a0 STOP TALKING!!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

But those words are stuck in my head since they can\u2019t make it past the lump in my throat.<\/p>\n

Sissy, desperate to make this mother-turned-freakshow stop at all costs, furiously hisses at me to knock it off because I’m a total embarrassment.\u00a0 Then she leans forward and gently touches the payment window woman\u2019s hand where it\u2019s resting on the counter and whispers, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s helping.\u201d<\/p>\n

Right!\u00a0 Not helping!\u00a0 SO. NOT. HELPING!! <\/em>\u00a0We hold a moment of silence while I fight the lump like ya do.\u00a0 I sleeve-wipe my tears and when my throat has opened enough for words to come out, I give my gruesome permission.\u00a0 We go on our less-than-merry way with Sissy maintaining at least 20 feet of distance from me and going out a separate door.\u00a0 She does NOT get to drive home.\u00a0 If at all.\u00a0 Ever again.<\/p>\n

Well, that was a good time.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A big motivator in my life is to not have anything happen to my children. I encourage them to stay safe \u2013 and be safe \u2013 by having frantic, one-sided conversations while they look on wide-eyed.\u00a0 These conversations always end with me sobbing, \u201cStay alive!\u00a0 I will come for you! I will find you!!!\u00a0 JUST […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4584"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4584"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4584\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4588,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4584\/revisions\/4588"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4584"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4584"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4584"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}