{"id":4538,"date":"2017-04-02T21:12:59","date_gmt":"2017-04-03T03:12:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4538"},"modified":"2017-04-02T21:12:59","modified_gmt":"2017-04-03T03:12:59","slug":"bourbon-street","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4538","title":{"rendered":"Bourbon Street"},"content":{"rendered":"

I just flew in from New Orleans, and boy, are my arms tired! Guck, guck, guck; That never gets old.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hubby and I took the kids there for spring break. We stayed on Bourbon Street, because that\u2019s the kind of parents we are.\u00a0 (We also had the Voodoo Daiquiri from Jean Lafitte\u2019s Blacksmith Shoppe.\u00a0 The Voodoo Daiquiri\u2019s other name is Purple Drank for some vague reason having to do with Everclear.\u00a0 That\u2019s ALSO the kind of parents we are.)<\/p>\n

Anywho\u2026as soon as we dropped off the luggage in our hotel room, we were out ON Bourbon Street, introducing the kids to the magic.<\/p>\n

Now let\u2019s pause here and recall how the weirdest stuff happens to me all the time \u2013 and how Sissy has been apprenticing with me in recent years so I can teach her how it goes. Yay, Mini Me!\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>Also, Hubby and Sonny always walk a minimum two blocks ahead of us for some reason.\u00a0 Go figure.<\/p>\n

Given that back story, is it any wonder that within our first sixty seconds on Bourbon Street,\u00a0a woman on the complete other side of the street begins to beeline for us, holding her beer-in-a-plastic-cup out in front of her like she\u2019s in some sort of relay race.<\/p>\n

As she stumbles across the cobblestones towards us, Sissy and I are mesmerized into a standstill, watching her come closer.<\/p>\n

Just when\u00a0she reaches us, she trips on some uneven pavement and her sandaled foot SPLASHES into one of those charming brown Bourbon Street puddles. Even though we\u2019re on the sidewalk awaiting her arrival, the splash is so massive that the nasty water goes ALL OVER Sissy\u2019s flip-flopped feet and ankles. GAACK!<\/em><\/p>\n

The puddle this woman stepped in apparently contained an even deeper puddle, and we\u2019re all horrified, the strange woman included, heavy on the strange, to see her foot sink to mid-shin. GAAAACK!!!<\/em><\/p>\n

As she tries to right herself, she GRABS MY ARM,\u00a0HOLDS ME TO HER and\u00a0flounders into an even deeper puddle than the first. Because I\u2019m now attached to this woman as an unwilling participant in her three-legged beer run, I get the secret sauce this time around.\u00a0 Up to my knees. GAAAAAAAACK!!!!<\/em><\/p>\n

Eventually she’s\u00a0back up on solid land, whereupon she lets go of me and stumbles on, laughing with her friends, not having spilled a drop of beer. Sissy and I are left\u00a0clutching each other and making retching noises as brown water drips down our legs and everyone on Bourbon Street gives us a wide berth like WE\u2019RE the ones causing the problem.\u00a0 Per usual, Hubby and Sonny are nowhere to be found.<\/p>\n

By the time I\u2019m finally able to convince Sissy that the water most likely does not<\/u> contain human feces (although she\u2019s had a Hep C shot, so she\u2019s good either way), we\u2019ve caught up with Sonny and Hubby and relate the horrifying goings-on.\u00a0 I\u2019m PISSED that Hubby left me with nothing but a teenage girl as a barrier to the\u00a0lunacy so I give him what for.<\/p>\n

At which point he turns to Sissy and says, \u201cLook. I\u2019ve seen this movie before.\u00a0 So it\u2019s best to walk with a purpose.\u00a0 If you hang back with her \u2013 here he hitches his thumb my way <\/em>\u2013 she\u2019s gonna draw you into her vortex.\u00a0 Every time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, so somehow this is MY fault. In which case: You\u2019re welcome, Mini Me.<\/p>\n

I <\/em>taught that girl everything she knows. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just flew in from New Orleans, and boy, are my arms tired! Guck, guck, guck; That never gets old. Hubby and I took the kids there for spring break. We stayed on Bourbon Street, because that\u2019s the kind of parents we are.\u00a0 (We also had the Voodoo Daiquiri from Jean Lafitte\u2019s Blacksmith Shoppe.\u00a0 The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4538"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4542,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538\/revisions\/4542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4538"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4538"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4538"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}