My L\u2019il sis and Bro\u2019 in law got Hubby and me\u00a0an Astral Float for Two for Christmas. Yep.\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 Yep.\u00a0 This is a real thing.<\/p>\n
When we called to make the appointment, we inquired as to what we should bring with us. Please say swim suits. Please?\u00a0 Pleasepleasepleaseplease! <\/em>\u00a0They replied with, \u201cnothing\u201d which naturally meant I had to bring my swimsuit anyway.\u00a0 Just in case.<\/p>\n What is an Astral Float for Two, you ask? It\u2019s as close as you can get to riding on Space Mountain without actually being on Space Mountain because you are instead floating naked in a sensory deprivation tank filled with body-temperature salt water.\u00a0 Expect you\u2019re by yourself while your husband is in another room in his own sensory deprivation tank filled with HIS naked body and some salt water.\u00a0 I know he didn\u2019t have his swimsuit on because I had it in my purse which was in my room with me.<\/p>\n Also? There\u2019s no orange asteroid which periodically flashes across the sky like in the real Space Mountain.\u00a0 You\u2019re in a sensory deprivation tank after all, so all you can see is a deep, dense black that is the same whether your eyes are open or closed.\u00a0 Snippets of the movie \u201cA Cure for Wellness\u201d flash through your mind until you become increasingly worried that no one will hear your screams if you start feeling tentacles.<\/p>\n It seemed like I spent the first thirty minutes fooling myself into thinking I did\u2026and then I didn\u2019t\u2026and then I did have to go to the bathroom. Eventually I talked myself out of the bathroom thing because the bathroom was all the way down the hall, no robes were provided, and my swimsuit was high and dry right next to Hubby\u2019s in my purse.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t I put on the swimsuit? It would have been helpful with the bathroom run.<\/em><\/p>\n At some point, the voices in my head died down enough for me to begin to relax. Until I slowly started to realize that I could hear OTHER voices, through my ear plugs AND the sealed door of my deprivation tank, two different voices talking somewhere down by my feet.<\/p>\n Ack! ACKKKK!!\u00a0 Screw the tentacles, THIS is the biggest fear!!\u00a0 That there are people who accidentally stumbled into MY deprivation tank room and will shortly be throwing\u00a0open the tank door and exposing me in all my glory!\u00a0 Why are there two of them? Are they checking on me?\u00a0 Or do THEY get to float together while Hubby and I had to stay separate but equal?<\/em><\/p>\n So I\u2019m straining to hear. Straaaaaaaining to hear.\u00a0 Trying to pick out a word or two and deciding if I\u2019m going to be all friendly and casual when the tank door opens “Hiya!”\u00a0\u00a0Or all\u00a0super pissed, ready to go ham and shout \u201cShut the door!\u201d to whomever is out there.<\/p>\n It dawns on me, but not soon enough, that\u00a0the low rumblings and alternating higher pitched whining noises are actually coming from stomach. Oopsie. Tee hee hee.\u00a0 Stupid chili cheese fries for dinner last night.\u00a0 And for the record, those noises all sound different coming through salt water and ear plugs.<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s such a relief that no one\u2019s about catch a glimpse\u00a0that I do actually become quite zen. Until I start wondering whether L\u2019il Sis and Bro in law would ever get something like this as a gift for my parents.<\/p>\n Since it’s stream of consciousness time, I’ve moved on to\u00a0thinking about when my\u00a0parents lived in a mineral spring spa town in Germany and\u00a0my aunt came to visit.\u00a0 She\u00a0convinced my mother to \u201ctake the waters\u201d with her, have a spa day and get a massage. Except my mother, who hadn\u2019t ever had a massage as far as we knew, ended up wearing her jeans on the massage table.\u00a0 It\u2019s become something of a family joke.\u00a0 At which point I picture my\u00a0mom wearing her jeans to the astral float.\u00a0 And I start laughing.\u00a0 And laughing.\u00a0 And laughing.<\/p>\n Then\u00a0the ghostly music begins to play\u00a0which was my cue that my time had come to an end.<\/p>\n And none too soon.<\/p>\n Ahhhh, relaxing!\u00a0 Astral float for two.\u00a0 Jeans not recommended.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My L\u2019il sis and Bro\u2019 in law got Hubby and me\u00a0an Astral Float for Two for Christmas. Yep.\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 Yep.\u00a0 This is a real thing. When we called to make the appointment, we inquired as to what we should bring with us. Please say swim suits. Please?\u00a0 Pleasepleasepleaseplease! \u00a0They replied with, \u201cnothing\u201d which naturally meant […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4520"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4520"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4520\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4525,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4520\/revisions\/4525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}