When Sonny was in first grade we went to LegoLand. The rides were slightly tamer than all the ones at Disney World which just a few short years previously\u00a0we had to berate Sonny onto \u2013 until it occurred to us that berating little boys onto Disney World rides was counterintuitive at which point we stopped and thus descended into an endless loop of It\u2019s a Small World.\u00a0 That is, until Sonny noticed the snake charmer boy \u2018bout round twelve and that was all she wrote.<\/p>\n
So when LegoLand came around, Sonny put everyone\u2019s mind at ease by stating that he wasn\u2019t afraid of rides anymore. \u201cOh really?\u201d\u00a0 replied Sissy.\u00a0 \u201cBut what happens if a mummy POPS!<\/em> out at you on the Lost Kingdom ride?!\u201d<\/p>\n Sonny calmly stated, \u201cWell\u2026then I\u2019ll scream like a grown lady.\u201d<\/p>\n Fast forward to a recent week-end this summer. I was sitting on the couch reading my Nook through my eyelids while the kids and dog were in the back yard.\u00a0 I heard my name, moaned low and urgent through the open window. Mmmmmoooooommmmm<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 Whose eyes don\u2019t POP!<\/em> open at a sound like that?!\u00a0 And that\u2019s when I saw a rattlesnake about 4 feet long, coiled up and buzzing to beat the band*, striking at the knuckleheaded dog who was coming in closer for a cute and curious sniff.<\/p>\n I screamed like a grown lady.<\/p>\n I mean, I screamed like such a grown lady that was ever grown, that\u2019s how loud I screamed. And then I ran out to the backyard to corral the dog who had tucked tail after strike two.\u00a0 The dog, who hates screaming (not that it happens a lot at our house, you understand) knew something was up and was trying to make his getaway from me as well.\u00a0 But eventually I was able to grab him, hoist him high and run into the house with the kids.<\/p>\n Ding, dong!<\/em><\/p>\n Apparently I had screamed like such a grown lady that four \u2013 count them, four \u2013 neighbors (plus someone\u2019s granddaughter) came to the front door to see what all the grown lady screaming was about.<\/p>\n When they heard the garbled report of \u201crattlesnake in the backyard\u201d they trooped through the house to see it. But it was nowhere to be found.\u00a0 So they trooped back through the house and out the front door and I politely walked them down the front walk.\u00a0 As I was returning, I spotted the last foot of the snake disappearing under our front porch.\u00a0 It must\u2019ve come all the way from the back yard to the front porch and even though I noticed there was *no* rattle on its tail as it was slipping under the stoop, I had to scream like a grown lady again.\u00a0 Whereupon half the original group of neighbors (plus someone’s granddaughter) marched back to share that it wasn\u2019t a rattlesnake, just a bull snake that makes itself look and sound like a rattlesnake.<\/p>\n Oh, oopsie. Ha, ha, ha.\u00a0 That\u2019s awkward not knowing a pretend rattlesnake from a real one.\u00a0 So just ignore all the grown lady screaming then \u2013 my bad.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 No wonder why we haven\u2019t had a rabbit problem in the front yard this year.<\/em><\/p>\n *And yes, it is time to play our \u201c80\u2019s Song for Every Moment in Life Game\u201d whereupon I will submit the winning entry titled “Keep On Loving You,” a song which first appeared on REO Speedwagon’s 1980 album Hi Infidelity<\/span>: When Sonny was in first grade we went to LegoLand. The rides were slightly tamer than all the ones at Disney World which just a few short years previously\u00a0we had to berate Sonny onto \u2013 until it occurred to us that berating little boys onto Disney World rides was counterintuitive at which point we stopped […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4451"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4451"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4451\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4452,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4451\/revisions\/4452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nYou should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby <\/em>
\nThere was somethin’ missin’ <\/em>
\nYou should have known by the tone of my voice, maybe <\/em>
\nBut you didn’t listen <\/em>
\nYou played dead, but you never bled <\/em>
\nInstead you laid still in the grass, all coiled up and hissin’<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"