{"id":4441,"date":"2016-06-07T22:14:09","date_gmt":"2016-06-08T04:14:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4441"},"modified":"2016-06-07T22:14:09","modified_gmt":"2016-06-08T04:14:09","slug":"the-french-open","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4441","title":{"rendered":"The French Open"},"content":{"rendered":"

Anyone been watching the French Open? I saw the first two sets of the Djokovic\/Murray match on Sunday and it occurred to me that I play tennis just like that.\u00a0 And when I say \u201cjust like that\u201d I mean professionally, for money, with fellas who look like the kids\u2019 gym teacher.\u00a0 [Side note: When the gym teacher looks like Djokovic, it\u2019s no wonder all the moms get silly at the school fundraiser when the fine wine<\/span> man is around.]<\/p>\n

And hardy, har, har. I totally fooled you, didn\u2019t I, with my faux pro tennis player line!?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a thing we do on the amateur circuit, joke about being pro. Not that we want to turn pro.\u00a0 Or ever, EVER hope the Roland Garros and Wimbledon scouts are at our Wednesday evening matches.\u00a0 We know we’re not going pro, we\u00a0just want to stop sucking at tennis already.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0whether you’re pro or sucky, it’s\u00a0so\u00a0weird how\u00a0you can rule in the first set of a tennis match, and\u00a0then in the second set? You get ruled.\u00a0 Kinda like what happened in\u00a0the first few sets for Djokovic and Murray on Sunday.\u00a0 And kinda like\u00a0what happened to my tennis partner and I one time…<\/p>\n

We rocked Set 1.\u00a0 Then we made one of the opponents fall on her head (accidentally of course, we\u2019re not that good) and after she got a noggin\u2019 bandage from the tennis shop, it was on like donkey kong!\u00a0 She made a big come back and played tennis like a boss with a noggin\u2019 bandage.<\/p>\n

But enough about me and my bad tennis. Also? Does it make me a terrible person to get the giggles whenever I think about that woman falling on her head??\u00a0 It\u2019s not like we PLANNED it\u00a0or anything.\u00a0 And there was the shin, knee, and thigh skid which cushioned things somewhat prior to the head road-rashing.\u00a0 So I think the consensus here is no?\u00a0 Not a terrible person at all!?\u00a0 Thanks for weighing in.<\/em><\/p>\n

Back to\u00a0real pros at the French Open:\u00a0what\u2019s up with all the noises on the court?! Everyone on the court sounds like they\u2019re trying out for bad haunted house gigs.\u00a0 Mwah, Mwaaaaah, MWAAAAAAH!<\/em> Or maybe like they\u2019re birthing babies:\u00a0 Nguh, Nnnguuuh. NNNNGGUUUUUUHHHHH!\u00a0 I’m seriously considering making these noises during my next tennis match.\u00a0 There might be a certain distraction-factor-that-could-lead-to-a-win if the opponents\u00a0think I’m turning zombie on them as the sun sets.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

But what I REALLY wanted to ask here is did the older woman with the gorgeous cheek bones in the blue down jacket just visible over Djokovic\u2019s left shoulder on Sunday\u00a0remind anyone else of their French \u201cmother\u201d whose semi-detached apartment you stayed in when you lived in Paris??<\/p>\n

Yeah??!\u00a0 Me too! \u00a0Twins!!<\/p>\n

And remember that part when I accidentally locked her neighbor\u2019s cross-eyed Siamese cat named Lambert in the apartment for one whole week?\u00a0 Until she asked me in French, \u201cHave you been accidentally locking Lambert in your apartment for one whole week??\u201d That seems a little Frenglish now, but that\u2019s what it sounded like then – just an oddly constructed sentence about odd stuff in oddly familiar and not-so-familiar words.\u00a0 Naturally the only answer to a question like that is a very hesitant \u201coui.\u201d<\/em> \u00a0But in my own defense, I thought the cat LIVED in the apartment. <\/em><\/p>\n

Gaah! I love tennis, don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

You know what I DON\u2019T love? Siamese cats.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Anyone been watching the French Open? I saw the first two sets of the Djokovic\/Murray match on Sunday and it occurred to me that I play tennis just like that.\u00a0 And when I say \u201cjust like that\u201d I mean professionally, for money, with fellas who look like the kids\u2019 gym teacher.\u00a0 [Side note: When the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4441"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4441"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4441\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4444,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4441\/revisions\/4444"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4441"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4441"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4441"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}