I just had Lasik surgery on the balls of my eyes recently \u2013 well, really just the one ball \u2013 and I gotta say, I\u2019m not the biggest fan.<\/p>\n
You see, guck, guck, SEE?!<\/em> something happens to your eyes when you\u2019re hrmm, hrmm over forty: eventually you\u2019ll have to wear glasses – either to\u00a0see your crochet projects\u2026or\u00a0to see the individual leaves on trees.\u00a0 Therefore, the eyeball doc recommends that if you\u2019re hrmm, hrmm over forty and going to correct your vision with Lasik, you should get only the dominant eye lasered-up, and then you won\u2019t have to wear glasses for up close OR far away.<\/p>\n When they do Lasik to only one eye, this results in something called monovision, which means you have to wear a monocle, adopt an English accent and say things like, \u201cWhat, what! Jolly good, old man.\u201d\u00a0 You also have to hang out with the tall hatted peanut who shows up way overdressed for parties.\u00a0 It becomes a drag after a while, especially if your kids are allergic to peanuts.\u00a0 It also makes you very, very tired.\u00a0 But I may\u00a0have that confused with mononucleosis.<\/em><\/p>\n So luckily, the having-to-wear-a-monocle part of the recovery is\u00a0only at night and only for two weeks (or until you run out of the surgical tape they gave you to keep the monocle securely in place so as to protect your eye from all the elbows that come flying at it while you\u2019re sleeping). And because I may have led you to believe the monocle was a circular, black rimmed device with a string hanging from it Cheerio I say, I say<\/em> (otherwise\u00a0why else would the peanut hang out with me?\u00a0 Twins!) I wanted to let you know it\u2019s actually more of a clear shelled, pirate-patch shaped thing.\u00a0 Cute, right?\u00a0 So cute, all taped to your face at night Aaargh me hearties<\/em>.<\/p>\n Eventually your dominatrix\u00a0eye heals and your vision becomes something akin to looking through a telescope AND a microscope simultaneously. I think we can agree it\u2019s well worth the mucho dinaro to be able to see Alpha Centauri and amoebas at the same time.<\/p>\n But here\u2019s where I bust this thing wide open. Bust it!\u00a0 Expos\u00e9!!\u00a0 Gritty underbelly of Lasik exposed!!<\/p>\n The ONE thing no one talks about \u2013 which I feel needs talking about \u2013 is the smell. The smell.\u00a0 It smells like hell.\u00a0 The smell during Lasik is the worst, most gag-inducing thing in the world.\u00a0 This explains the pre-surgery valium, which is\u00a0to prevent you from\u00a0flipping out once you begin to smell your own eyeballs being lasered.\u00a0 Because you know what that smells like?\u00a0 BURNING HAIR!!\u00a0 Burning eyeballs smell like BURNING HAIR!!!\u00a0 Gaaack!\u00a0 GAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!<\/p>\n NOPE!\u00a0\u00a0Nopey nopers.\u00a0 Not Lasik\u2019s biggest fan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I just had Lasik surgery on the balls of my eyes recently \u2013 well, really just the one ball \u2013 and I gotta say, I\u2019m not the biggest fan. You see, guck, guck, SEE?! something happens to your eyes when you\u2019re hrmm, hrmm over forty: eventually you\u2019ll have to wear glasses – either to\u00a0see your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4380"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4384,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380\/revisions\/4384"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}