{"id":4338,"date":"2015-10-29T20:16:19","date_gmt":"2015-10-30T02:16:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4338"},"modified":"2015-10-29T20:18:55","modified_gmt":"2015-10-30T02:18:55","slug":"back-at-the-ranch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4338","title":{"rendered":"Back At The Ranch"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you taken a look-see at any of those puzzling Matthew McConaughey commercials? I\u2019m not 100% sure what he\u2019s selling in them, but judging by the most recent one<\/a> I witnessed, I believe he\u2019s offering tours of his Texas ranch from the back seat of his car.<\/p>\n

\u2018Ceptin during said tour, it seems like you\u2019re gonna conveniently \u201crun into\u201d Matthew\u2019s childhood bull named Old Cyrus. Old Cyrus was a fun 4-H project back when Matt was 13.\u00a0 He was a\u00a0blue ribbon winner in the Beef Cattle Category.\u00a0 But Old Cyrus got hip to the jive and took off before Matt could sell him to the highest bidder.<\/p>\n

And now? Now he just roams the ranch waiting for payback.\u00a0 So\u00a0whenever Matt meets him on the road, the bull\u00a0makes him all anxious and sweaty as he\u2019s sitting in the front seat of his car giving tours to people.\u00a0 In addition to being all sweaty and whatnot, somethin\u2019s up with Matt\u2019s hair too.\u00a0 But I\u2019m not sure that has anything to do with Old Cyrus.<\/p>\n

Anyway, Old Cyrus stands his ground during the tour and eventually Matthew will have to take you back to the ranch. Probably for more hemp and bongo drum solos.<\/p>\n

You should buy this tour. But then skip the tour and just stay back at the ranch.\u00a0 Otherwise you might be subjected to Matt\u2019s disturbing hangnail as he drives you around in the front seat of his nifty car. (Matt will be in the front; You\u2019ll be in the back.\u00a0 Just wanted to clarify.)<\/p>\n

And even if YOU were in the front and HE was in the back?\u00a0 He wouldn’t be able to leave his hangnail alone.\u00a0\u00a0He rubs it back and forth, round and round.<\/p>\n

The motion he makes as he scopes out\u00a0his hangnail\u00a0is oddly reminiscent of Captain Queeg from the Caine Mutiny* when Queeg rolls marbles in his hand as he descends into madness. But that\u2019s not what\u2019s happening in this commercial.\u00a0 Matt\u2019s just got an annoying hangnail.<\/p>\n

Yep, for sure buy this tour. But then maybe skip the tour and just stay back at the ranch.<\/p>\n

*You read the Caine Mutiny by Herman Wouk, right? It\u2019s as dry as dust except for the parts where Queeg, the ship\u2019s captain, slowly loses his marbles (heh, heh, pun intended).\u00a0 It\u2019s always fun reading about crazy ship captains.\u00a0 And there are LOTS of crazy ship captains.\u00a0 Let\u2019s see\u2026we have Captain Queeg with the marbles.\u00a0 Captain Ahab from Moby Dick<\/a> is pretty cray-cray too.\u00a0 Hmmm.\u00a0 Are there only two crazy captains?\u00a0 Can\u2019t be.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m also thinking of Cook?\u00a0 Captain Cook was pretty nutso there at the end, wasn\u2019t he?\u00a0 I seem to recall something about walrus meat and lots of barroom brawls minus the barrooms.\u00a0 And what about HOOK!?\u00a0 Oh my gosh!\u00a0 Let\u2019s not forget Captain Hook!!\u00a0 That\u2019s as cracked as they come, what with his hook hand and all.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Just give me enough time and I can always prove my point.\u00a0 P.S.\u00a0 Buy that tour Matt\u2019s selling.\u00a0 He\u2019s not a crazy captain or anything.\u00a0 He\u2019s just a guy with a bothersome hangnail driving you in his car back to the ranch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you taken a look-see at any of those puzzling Matthew McConaughey commercials? I\u2019m not 100% sure what he\u2019s selling in them, but judging by the most recent one I witnessed, I believe he\u2019s offering tours of his Texas ranch from the back seat of his car. \u2018Ceptin during said tour, it seems like you\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4338"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4338"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4341,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4338\/revisions\/4341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}