I got the call today.<\/p>\n
The call I\u2019ve been dreading my whole life.<\/p>\n
While doing her homework, my 8th<\/sup> grade daughter called from the kitchen, \u201cMawwwwwm! I need your help with this math problem.\u201d<\/p>\n Guh\u2026guh\u2026guh. <—-<\/em>That was me making that noise. Like my brain had been emptied by terror and no real words, only caveman noises, could come out. Chills swept up and down my spine. My scalp prickled and tightened to the point of pain. My bowels turned to water. I\u2019m not even joking about this. My daughter is in Algebra 1 which\u00a0is the most horrific x+y+z+WTF=hateful word problem b.s. I have ever been subjected to. SERENITY NOW!<\/em><\/p>\n So I go into the kitchen, walking all cocky and singing my Math Mom song. This is a fake-it-til-you-make-it strategy I learned from my tennis pro. Instead of staring across the court thinking, \u201cS##T! I hope the ball doesn\u2019t come to me!,\u201d I\u2019m instead supposed to picture that the ball IS coming to me; that I, in fact, WANT the ball; and that I have a definite plan for where I\u2019m going to PUT the ball after I get it. My pro taught me that about tennis,\u00a0I\u2019ve translated the approach here for math purposes because trust me when I say, \u201cOoooh, I\u2019d like to get my sweaty mitts on that Algebra and put it somewhere good, REAAAAAL good.\u201d<\/p>\n The\u00a0Math Mom song is all about how I love math; x+y+z is gonna go swell; Algebra rules. Yadda yadda yadda.\u00a0 Clearly my\u00a0version of: the Algebra is mine.\u00a0\u00a0I want the algebra.\u00a0 And when I get it, I\u2019m gonna put it\u00a0where\u00a0the sun don\u2019t SHINE!<\/p>\n Then I ask Sissy to \u201cbring it\u201d and she replies, \u201cThe sum of three numbers is 123. The second number is 9 less than two times the first number. The third number is 6 more than three times the first number. Find the three numbers.\u201d<\/p>\n Whaaaat? What the WHAAAAAT?!?? Oh, snap, nuh-UH!!!<\/em><\/p>\n So I shout, \u201cWhat\u2019s THAT!?\u201d and I point out the back door into the trees.<\/p>\n While Sissy is looking outside, I put my head down on the kitchen table and pretend to go to sleep. I don\u2019t \u2018wake up\u2019 even when she pushes my shoulder.<\/p>\n And that’s how I\u00a0solve for x+y+z.\u00a0 It’s also\u00a0how I\u00a0funny algebra up a bit…because it definitely needs some funnying up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I got the call today. The call I\u2019ve been dreading my whole life. While doing her homework, my 8th grade daughter called from the kitchen, \u201cMawwwwwm! I need your help with this math problem.\u201d Guh\u2026guh\u2026guh. <—-That was me making that noise. Like my brain had been emptied by terror and no real words, only caveman […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4316"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4316"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4316\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4322,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4316\/revisions\/4322"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}