The rest of the world may think that the Gumshoe Detectives of yore got their moniker from their rubber-soled shoes. \u00a0But the mothers of the world know differently. \u00a0We know that those private eye types got gum all over the bottom of their shoes when visiting the gritty underbelly of the city, then tracked said gum into\u00a0the house when they got home, thus completely exasperating their mothers who in turn called then Gumshoe Detectives.<\/p>\n
This reminds of a certain someone who also exasperates his mother because of his penchant for ill-placed gum. \u00a0This certain someone we\u2019ll call Gumbutt.\u00a0 And on our recent plane trip to California, Gumbutt…er…Sonny was chewing some bright blue\u00a0peppermint-y\u00a0gum on takeoff because that\u2019s\u00a0more manly\u00a0than sucking on lollipops to even out his ears. \u00a0But soon enough, lovely Southwest people began offering us an amazing array of snacks, so he slipped his worn out gum into an old wet wipe he found in his seatback pocket. \u00a0(Relax, relax. It wasn\u2019t a random wet wipe left by the previous passenger. \u00a0Sonny,\u00a0voted \u201cthe most likely to HAVE sticky hands for no reason\u201d travels with his own container of wet wipes because he was also voted \u201cthe most likely to HATE having sticky hands.\u201d \u00a0The wet wipe was his from earlier in the trip.)<\/p>\n
Now, pretty much the first rule of wet wipes is: you don\u2019t talk about wet wipes. \u00a0Or maybe I\u2019m getting that confused with Fight Club. Regardless, everyone knows you only use wet wipes to wipe stuff OFF. \u00a0Never, EVER put stuff IN wet wipes. Because they are wet and made out of material that\u2019s really slithery. So whatever you put in them will just slither out.\u00a0 Eventually.\u00a0 Everyone knows this; so no one should be doing this, except for the star of today\u2019s show, who tucked his chewed gum into the wet wipe,\u00a0then\u00a0randomly tucked the wet wipe behind him on the seat, right about where the belt buckle comes out of the seat proper. Don\u2019t ask. Who knows. This clearly is not going to be Sonny\u2019s finest hour.<\/em><\/p>\n However, I was not sitting next to Sonny when all the wet wipe\/gum stowing machinations went down, otherwise I would have politely (yes, politely, we were on an airplane) cautioned against that course of action.\u00a0 So I was completely mystified\u00a0when I glanced across the aisle at the end of the trip to see Sonny standing up getting ready to de-plane, with a bunch of weird blue strings hanging from the front of his shorts. It was almost like someone had silly-stringed his zipper area mid-flight.<\/p>\n Sonny seemed completely stumped\u00a0by the appearance of the blue string too. So while we\u2019re both puzzling over the Mystery of the Blue String duhn, duhn, duuuuuuhn<\/em> Sonny puts his travel backpack on his seat, then rests back on top of it to wait his turn. When he finally precedes me down the aisle, discreetly picking blue strings off the front of his shorts with a wet wipe, I notice more blue strings festooned on the seat of his shorts and hanging from his backpack and even hanging from the HAT hanging from the backpack.<\/p>\n So yes. Yes. That\u2019s why we now call him Gumbutt. Variations might include: Gumbutt Front, Gumbutt Back, also,\u00a0Gum Backpack and Gum Hat-hanging-from-the-backpack.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The rest of the world may think that the Gumshoe Detectives of yore got their moniker from their rubber-soled shoes. \u00a0But the mothers of the world know differently. \u00a0We know that those private eye types got gum all over the bottom of their shoes when visiting the gritty underbelly of the city, then tracked said […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4285"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4285"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4285\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4286,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4285\/revisions\/4286"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4285"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4285"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4285"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}