Our dog came from the factory pre-programmed with a couple of\u00a0suh-weet features.<\/p>\n
The first feature is something we like to call the \u201cscare the crap out of the family\u201d feature.\u00a0 This feature is usually only activated when Hubby is out of town on business.\u00a0 It works a little something like this: it\u2019s nighttime and I’m in the computer room when I hear the dog barking in a weird way upstairs.\u00a0 Thinking the kids are teasing him, I call up to them and ask them to stop.\u00a0 (Ok, it might be a little more yell-y than I’m implying here.\u00a0 Sue me.)<\/p>\n
At which point both kids – all big eyed – come in from the family room which is right beside the computer room.\u00a0 The dog is by himself upstairs in master bathroom barking his fool head off.<\/p>\n
Ruh-roh Raggy.<\/em><\/p>\n This can only mean one thing\u2026that all the bad guys and burglars who Sonny suspects mill around our yard waiting for nightfall have somehow gained access to the house.\u00a0 They are now, naturally, all in the master bathroom, crammed into the shower clown-car style, waiting, waiting to POP! out at me when I get all nakey.<\/p>\n But we\u2019re on to them!\u00a0 No nakey this time because our fierce and loyal dog has tipped us off to the danger that lurks above. Thank heaven for the dog! <\/em> WHAT A GOOD BOY!!!<\/p>\n So the kids and I, armed with Hubby\u2019s antique baseball bat collectible, head upstairs.\u00a0 There we find the dog standing in the middle of the bathroom, growling at a black shirt and pair of shorts Hubby left draped over the far side of the bathtub.\u00a0 Oy vey.<\/em><\/p>\n As for the second feature, we call it the \u201cscare the crap out of himself\u201d feature and it only activates when the dog is on a walk.\u00a0 He freaks out every time we come to a storm drain. And unless we\u2019re quick enough and pick him up once the freak out starts, he\u2019ll slip his collar and be halfway down the block, headed the other way before we even realize what\u2019s going on. And if he happens to be wearing an un-slippable harness because we\u2019ve finally gotten hip to his jive?\u00a0 Then he\u2019ll lay flat on his belly while we drag him along, just like Duke the dead dog from In Living Color. (Kidding, kidding, we don\u2019t pull him around and road rash his belly.\u00a0 That gets us dirty looks from passersby.\u00a0 Instead we just whisper furiously into his ear about what a wingnut he is while attempting to pick up his floppy, dead weight.\u00a0 And the Oscar goes to\u2026.TEDDY!\u00a0 For his heart-warming portrayal of a road-kill victim.<\/em>)<\/p>\n