{"id":4267,"date":"2015-07-14T12:40:55","date_gmt":"2015-07-14T18:40:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4267"},"modified":"2015-07-14T12:40:55","modified_gmt":"2015-07-14T18:40:55","slug":"we-skipped-the-light-fandango","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4267","title":{"rendered":"We Skipped the Light Fandango"},"content":{"rendered":"

And by quoting Procol Haram\u2019s \u201cWhiter Shade of Pale\u201d here, what I’m trying to say is that I spent all day \u2013 ALL DAY \u2013 installing a ceiling light\/fan-dang-o combo in Sonny’s room. \u00a0Did I mention that the instructions indicated\u00a0it was supposed to take 120 minutes to install, but instead took ALL DAY?!?\u00a0 Seems like I may have mentioned that “ALL DAY” part already. \u00a0But it bears repeating because it took ALL DAY TO INSTALL THE CEILING LIGHT\/FAN-DANG-O!<\/p>\n

Thanks for getting all up in my kool-aid,\u00a0and wondering what took me\u00a0so long.\u00a0 In which case, I\u2019ll have you know that it may have been the not one, but TWO subsequent trips to the hardware store for crap we didn’t know we needed until we got back from the hardware store the first time with the fan.<\/p>\n

Or perhaps it was the panicked call to Neighbor Man<\/a> to ask about the color coded wires we DIDNT HAVE coming out of the ceiling. \u00a0The fan instruction booklet said to connect the black wire from the light\/fan-dang-o to the black wire from the ceiling, ditto blue wire, ditto white wire, ditto green wire. \u00a0But surprise! \u00a0Once we got past the black wire, we only had a red wire, a yellow wire and a bare wire-colored wire coming from the ceiling. \u00a0And when the think tank assigned to the pressing wire color-coding problem is an 11 year old boy and his friend, another 11 year old boy (who are both only in it because they were promised milkshakes at the end of the install), it’s wise to call in a former electrician who lives next door and who brings over his own Geiger counter\u00a0when weighing in on wire colors.\u00a0 (Or it may have been a voltmeter, but Geiger counter makes it sound like we were handling high levels of radioactive moronicy, so\u00a0we’ll go with Geiger counter.\u00a0 clickclickclickclickclick)<\/p>\n

So the whole day passes like this, clickclickclickclickclick,\u00a0barely holding on until it’s milkshake time.\u00a0\u00a0Until finally, finally, the sun is setting and my 11 year old dream team and I (Neighbor Man and his Geiger counter\u00a0left an entire lifetime ago, I wonder why) are standing beside the wall switch wearing sunglasses. \u00a0Don’t ask. \u00a0It was falling drywall and lack of safety glasses\u00a0that led to the brilliant sunglasses idea. \u00a0Hey, go safe or go home! \u00a0Also? \u00a0Our future is so bright, we gotta wear shades.\u00a0 And yes, I win this round of \u201cAn 80\u2019s Song for Every Moment in Life\u201d game we enjoy playing\u00a0by quoting that 1986 song by Timbuk3.\u00a0 Because turns out, there IS an 80\u2019s song for ceiling fan-dang-o installations.<\/em><\/p>\n

Anywho, back to Sonny and his bright future standing beside the wall switch.\u00a0 He throws it, the light goes on immediately and the fan starts to turn. \u00a0 And slowly picks up speed. And…<\/p>\n

speaking of Geiger counters<\/em><\/p>\n

Click click click.\u00a0 Clink clink clink. \u00a0Ca-clink clink clank clank CLANK! \u00a0CLANK WHUMP<\/em>! \u00a0CLANK WHUMP<\/em><\/strong>!!!<\/p>\n

Oy.\u00a0 I turn off the switch, usher everyone out and close the door. \u00a0No amount of sunglasses will protect us from what’s going on in there…so we may as well go\u00a0for milkshakes. \u00a0A promise is a promise afterall, even if the fan-dang-o install is a little more “death trap” than\u00a0originally anticipated.\u00a0\u00a0And just to clarify, when I said, “We skipped the light fandango,” right there at the beginning, in the title of this blog, what I REALLY meant was: I wish we skipped the whole light\u00a0damn-fan-go thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And by quoting Procol Haram\u2019s \u201cWhiter Shade of Pale\u201d here, what I’m trying to say is that I spent all day \u2013 ALL DAY \u2013 installing a ceiling light\/fan-dang-o combo in Sonny’s room. \u00a0Did I mention that the instructions indicated\u00a0it was supposed to take 120 minutes to install, but instead took ALL DAY?!?\u00a0 Seems like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4267"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4267"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4272,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4267\/revisions\/4272"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4267"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4267"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}