{"id":4207,"date":"2015-04-18T21:11:04","date_gmt":"2015-04-19T03:11:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4207"},"modified":"2015-04-18T21:11:04","modified_gmt":"2015-04-19T03:11:04","slug":"the-car-from-the-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4207","title":{"rendered":"The Car from the Future"},"content":{"rendered":"

Originally this blog was going to be about how, oddly enough, I look forward to my annual mammogram.\u00a0 Well, \u201clook forward to\u201d is a strong phrase.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s more along the lines of \u201cI don\u2019t dread it that much\u201d and that\u2019s really only because the check-in gals and I do this comedy routine about my kids.\u00a0 Their paperwork has me down for twenty-one kids; I really only have the two\u2026which\u00a0FEELS like twenty-one kids sometimes.\u00a0 Ba-dum-bump.\u00a0 Then we all\u00a0harharharharrarrararar<\/em> and they promise to change the paperwork for next year.\u00a0 But next year comes and I\u2019m right back to having twenty-one kids again.\u00a0 Old Woman in the Shoe much? \u00a0Harharharharrarrararar!<\/em>\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Nothing to dread there; I love me some shtick.<\/p>\n

But this year, it\u00a0struck me how many women do fear this appointment.\u00a0 Perhaps this annual visit will change them forever.\u00a0 Perhaps they\u2019ll receive a verdict they never expected and a sentence to do hard time will be passed into their lives.\u00a0 This year, in the calm and quiet of the mammography waiting room, I spent my time thinking of my college roommate, Sidney*.\u00a0 She has breast cancer.<\/p>\n

And every time I think of Sidney, I always think of one particular story.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure why I think of this story \u2013 perhaps it\u2019s because this is how I picture us in my mind: frozen in time, young and carefree, no responsibilities, really, and certainly no breast cancer.\u00a0 We\u2019re in our early 20\u2019s with amazing hair, riding around in futuristic car, on the run from a religious sect.<\/p>\n

Let me \u2018splain\u2026<\/p>\n

It was the late 80\u2019s (thus the \u201camazing hair\u201d part of the story because, really, what’s NOT amazing about perms-on-top-of-already-curly-hair?!) and Sidney and I were driving home from college in my mom\u2019s burnt-sienna colored Chrysler LeBaron with a bizarre sparkly finish.\u00a0 It had\u00a0a digital display dashboard and robotic female voice that yammered on about nonsensical stuff like the whereabouts of your key and the status of your door.\u00a0 Hey Fembot, when is your door not a door?\u00a0 When\u2026your\u2026door\u2026is\u2026a\u2026jar.<\/em>\u00a0 It also had a turbo blaster engine and the merest press of your foot on the gas pedal would G-force you back into your seat while making the white pinpricks of light elongate into lines as you achieved hyper drive.<\/p>\n

So there we are: Central Pennsylvania, deserted rural road, 40 MPH speed limit, car-from-the-future.\u00a0 Perfect opportunity to test out how fast things REALLY could go.\u00a0 Brilliant idea proposed by me.\u00a0 Brilliant idea agreed to by Sidney.\u00a0 I would shout out how fast we were warp-speeding and she would keep an eye out for unsuspecting rural items to avoid.<\/p>\n

(Hi, Mom and Dad.\u00a0 Did I ever tell you this story?!\u00a0 No??\u00a0 Huh.\u00a0 Well, if not, maybe you shouldn\u2019t read any further then.)<\/p>\n

So I stomped on the gas\u00a0pedal and the car leapt forward.\u00a0 I commenced shouting out the speed, \u201c…Forty-five\u2026Fifty…Fifty-five\u2026,\u201d As we headed into a curve in the road, I yelled out \u201cSIXTY!!!\u201d Sidney simultaneously yelled, \u201cCOPS!!!!!<\/em><\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

^*%$#@!@#$%^&*&**&^%$#@@!!! I slammed on the brakes and we were thrown forward in our seats (please\u2026fasten\u2026your\u2026seatbelts).\u00a0 My heart was in my throat and I veered in behind the cop car almost crashing in to the\u00a0back bumper but figuring that they can\u2019t catch me speeding if I don\u2019t actually PASS them while speeding.<\/p>\n

Whose STUPID idea was this?!?\u00a0 Guhguhguhhhh!\u00a0 I\u2019m gonna get in BIG trouble if I get a speeding ticket in my MOM\u2019S CAR.\u00a0 CapcrapcrapcrapCRAPPPP!!!\u00a0 Just act casual.\u00a0 JUST ACT CASUAL!\u00a0 Nothing to see here OFFICER!!!\u00a0 <\/em>Sidney and I are shouting all sorts of nonsense at each other while trying to act like we always come blasting up the road, slam on the breaks then duck hard right behind a cop car.\u00a0 Yep, always doin\u2019 that.\u00a0 No big thang. \u00a0Guhguhguhhhh!\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

But while all this drama is playing out in OUR car, the cops haven\u2019t made a single move yet.\u00a0 No one\u2019s reaching for the lights and sirens.\u00a0 They\u2019re just toodling along acting like they didn\u2019t even SEE us.\u00a0 Like they don\u2019t even CARE.\u00a0 Like they\u2019re not even COPS.<\/p>\n

Wanting, needing to figure out what\u2019s going on, I\u2019m casually-while-trying-not-to-chum-in-my-mouth peering into the big, boxy, coplike car when I notice that there\u2019s no chrome anywhere on it.\u00a0 All the shiny bits are painted over in flat black.\u00a0 Hmmm, puzzling.\u00a0 There\u2019s a guy with a broad brimmed sheriff\u2019s type hat sitting in the front seat wearing dark clothes.\u00a0 There\u2019s also a guy in the front passenger\u2019s seat wearing all the same stuff, hat included.\u00a0 In the back seat is a woman with her hair in a bun covered by a WHITE MESH BONNET!<\/p>\n

THOSE AREN\u2019T COPS\u2026THOSE ARE <\/em>MENNONITES<\/em><\/strong>!!!!\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Ohhhhh, so young and so fun.\u00a0 And while we\u2019re still fun, we\u2019re older now and no one\u2019s hair is as big as it once was.\u00a0 We\u2019ve faced things the car-from-the-future never told us we\u2019d face.\u00a0 Sidney, I\u2019m sorry for your diagnosis, your pain and this current road you and your family are traveling.\u00a0 Please know I\u2019m thinking about you and you\u2019re in my prayers daily.\u00a0 I\u2019m sending every funny memory your way because laughter has its place in healing and recovery.<\/p>\n

And please, please, please\u00a0continue to keep an eye out for Mennonites.\u00a0 As I mentioned earlier, we\u2019re older now and we can\u2019t let them sneak up on us like they used to.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*For those of you who are worried I\u2019m violating HIPAA regulations, I\u2019m not.\u00a0 Sidney isn\u2019t her real name.\u00a0 I\u2019m only calling her Sidney because that was her fake name in college.\u00a0 Everyone has a fake name in college, right?\u00a0 Firmly established via roundtable discussion at that restaurant during Spring Break Junior year in the Bahamas??\u00a0 While you\u00a0were consuming enough rum drinks and calamari to put you\u00a0off rum drinks (and calamari) for the rest of your life?!?\u00a0 No??\u00a0 Just me on this one?\u00a0\u00a0Perhaps.\u00a0 Because I happen to know Sidney is still partial to rum and Coke.\u00a0 Not sure about calamari though.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Originally this blog was going to be about how, oddly enough, I look forward to my annual mammogram.\u00a0 Well, \u201clook forward to\u201d is a strong phrase.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s more along the lines of \u201cI don\u2019t dread it that much\u201d and that\u2019s really only because the check-in gals and I do this comedy routine about my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4207"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4207"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4211,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4207\/revisions\/4211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}