I got a nifty new hand sanitizer giveaway thingy the other day.\u00a0 And since Sissy loves hand sanitizer almost as much as I do, I let her do the honors of being the first to use it.<\/p>\n
She went to town!\u00a0 Acted like she was scrubbing in for surgery or something – rubbed big liquid-y handfuls of sanitizer all over both hands and up her forearms.\u00a0 We\u2019re sitting in the front seat of the car at this point, she with her arms bent at the elbows and her hands raised in the air in reverse surrender, me driving, when a really terrible smell hits us both.<\/p>\n
Sissy looks over at me, her Littlest Petshop eyes huge in her face and says, \u201cMom?\u00a0 MOM?!?\u00a0 Is this a JOKE<\/em>???\u201d<\/p>\n The smell of someone\u2019s unwashed backside was shimmering like a heat mirage off her hands.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, BOY, Babe!\u00a0 \u00a0I think the hand sanitizer must be skunked.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure hand sanitizer shouldn\u2019t smell like dirty bee-hind.\u201d<\/p>\n The rest of the car ride was filled with no talking; only retching noises, and when we got home Sissy bolted to the sink and washed her hands-up-to-the-elbows.\u00a0 Repeatedly.\u00a0 (And no, we didn\u2019t pitch the hand sanitizer.\u00a0 Because that\u2019s gonna be a funny joke on some unsuspecting dirty-handed boy we know.\u00a0 After we send him off to a field by himself to clean up.\u00a0 Ha ha ha.)<\/p>\n But you know what all of that reminded me of?!\u00a0 The time I bought a pair of gloves in Paris.<\/p>\n Huh?!\u00a0 How so?\u00a0 Glad you asked.\u00a0 Let me explain.<\/p>\n I was a young and lovely Jersey-haired ing\u00e9nue in Paris.\u00a0 It was November and I was setting out for a hiking holiday in Switzerland.\u00a0 This naturally meant that I needed to purchase a last minute pair of gorgeous pink gloves from a street vendor.\u00a0 I then proceeded to wear them through the miles and miles of the Paris Metro while touching\u00a0various subway handrails, escalators, seat backs before finally getting to the\u00a0train station where I met my friends and we boarded a train bound for Geneva.\u00a0 It was right about the time we were settling into our compartment that I lifted my backpack up to its resting place above my head and discovered as my gloves were moving past my nose that they smelled\u2026bad.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Bad.\u00a0 Like butt if we\u2019re being honest.\u00a0 Either I had inadvertently PURCHASED\u00a0butt gloves from the street vendor, or I had inadvertently made them INTO butt gloves by touching every filthy surface on the Paris metro.<\/p>\n Acck!\u00a0 Knowing I had to wear these stank thangs the whole trip, I tried everything I could to get them smelling better, starting with peeling an orange on the train while wearing the gloves.\u00a0 And?\u00a0 Nothin\u2019 doin\u2019.\u00a0 Still smelled like butt with an overlay of orange scent.<\/p>\n When we got to the hostel run by nuns where we stayed the first night, I washed the gloves out in the shared bathroom sink.\u00a0 A little known fact here is that butt gloves, much like dogs, smell WORSE when wet.\u00a0 And all hope of a light orange scent flees from the vengeful glove gods.<\/p>\n This went on the whole trip.\u00a0 I washed those gloves at night in every sink I came to, scrubbed them with dry soap leaves, sprayed them with perfume in a department store, held a fir tree for fifteen minutes (that just got weird glops of sap on them and they STILL smelled) and rubbed deodorant on my hands before inserting them into the gloves.\u00a0\u00a0Nothin\u2019 doin\u2019.\u00a0 Butt per usual.\u00a0 AND because they were rode hard and put up wet every night, they faded to a weird flesh color.\u00a0 At which point I was giving the impression I\u00a0had thickset\u00a0putrid\u00a0hands so I just had to throw the gloves away.<\/p>\n That\u2019s it.\u00a0 Just wanted to tell you how smelly hands accidentally run in the family.\u00a0 No ifs, ands, or butts heh, heh, heh<\/em> about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I got a nifty new hand sanitizer giveaway thingy the other day.\u00a0 And since Sissy loves hand sanitizer almost as much as I do, I let her do the honors of being the first to use it. She went to town!\u00a0 Acted like she was scrubbing in for surgery or something – rubbed big liquid-y […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4203"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4203"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4203\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4205,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4203\/revisions\/4205"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4203"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4203"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4203"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}