{"id":4164,"date":"2015-03-06T14:05:00","date_gmt":"2015-03-06T21:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4164"},"modified":"2015-03-06T14:05:00","modified_gmt":"2015-03-06T21:05:00","slug":"the-traveler-and-the-berry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4164","title":{"rendered":"The Traveler and the Berry"},"content":{"rendered":"

With a title like that, you’d think this blog would be about a man who voyages to a distant land where he eats a magical berry and falls into a deeeep sleeeep.<\/p>\n

But you’d be wrong. Dead wrong.<\/p>\n

This blog is about how I am the most snakebit person my husband knows. And when he married me, he became the second most snakebit person he knows \u2013 due to close physical proximity, he became infected with my snakebittedness. You’re welcome, Sweetie! <\/em><\/p>\n

[And if you’re like me and thought being “snakebit” is code for “lovely young woman who gives off just the right amount of good-girl-gone-bad vibe,” you’d be wrong. \u00a0Dead wrong. \u00a0It means you’ve got bizarrely bad luck. Apparently boys from Colorado DO still say the word “snakebit” in this day and age to their lady loves. \u00a0So romantic, no? \u00a0No.]<\/p>\n

Remember all that talk from the other day about how I wished I were wearing LaToya Jackson’s captain’s hat in my driver’s license picture<\/a> because it would have matched perfectly with my shoulder pad\/epaulet combo?!\u00a0 That all had the unfortunate consequence of reminding me of that time, early in our marriage, when my husband & I had to get new passports\u2026<\/p>\n

Apparently, during the lamination process at Passports R\u2019 Us, they accidentally caught some small, roundish piece of lint in between the hard plastic shell and Hubby\u2019s picture.\u00a0 So his\u00a0passport came back looking like he\u00a0had a mole the size of a largish blueberry on his face, right in the crevice between his cheek and the corner of his nose.<\/p>\n

Try explaining words like \u201caccidental lint\u201d \u201cduring the lamination process\u201d \u201cfeel the page, not my face, it even sticks out of the page\u201d \u201cit\u2019s not a REAL mole!\u201d in a foreign language to customs agents who are ready to cavity search you at the drop of a LaToya Jackson captain\u2019s hat.\u00a0 If you can picture that nonsense, then you\u2019ll realize why\u00a0it eventually just became easier for my husband to travel internationally pretending he had recently had cosmetic surgery to remove his berry.\u00a0 This can be accomplished by blinking, nodding and making scissor cutting motions at your cheek.\u00a0 It helps too if your wife supports the pantomime by doing her own scissor cutting motions at your face while smiling.<\/p>\n

And THAT, my friends, is the Snakebit Take Two version of the tale of the Traveler and the Berry.\u00a0 Sweetie, enough\u2026you\u2019re welcome already!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With a title like that, you’d think this blog would be about a man who voyages to a distant land where he eats a magical berry and falls into a deeeep sleeeep. But you’d be wrong. Dead wrong. This blog is about how I am the most snakebit person my husband knows. And when he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4164"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4164"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4164\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4167,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4164\/revisions\/4167"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}