{"id":4043,"date":"2014-12-22T08:27:56","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T15:27:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4043"},"modified":"2014-12-22T08:27:56","modified_gmt":"2014-12-22T15:27:56","slug":"christmas-songs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=4043","title":{"rendered":"Christmas Songs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">And now it\u2019s time for a <\/span><span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">diatribe<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> few words about Christmas songs and their lyrics:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>All the good Christmas songs have already been sung.\u00a0 There will be no more \u201cclassic\u201d Christmas songs created.\u00a0 So Meghan Trainor, I totally LOVED your all-about-that-bass-no-treble stuff, and I can see where you were going with your \u201cI\u2019ll Be Home for Christmas\u201d (although did Santa really call you?!\u00a0 REALLY??\u00a0 And that was a nice try with the classic TITLE used on a completely DIFFERENT song than Bing used to sing) but you will have to wait another 400 years before your song becomes a \u201cclassic\u201d Christmas song.\u00a0 Everyone knows this is the rule on classic Christmas songs.\u00a0 The only, ONLY possible exception to this rule is \u201cLast Christmas I Gave You My heart\u201d by Wham!\u00a0 Well\u2026and also \u201cDo They Know It\u2019s Christmas\u201d by Band Aid.\u00a0 But both those songs are from the 80\u2019s and they already have T minus 30 on the 400 year rule.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 They\u2019re from the 80\u2019s.\u00a0 \u2018Nuf said.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus\u201d \u2013 This song is incredibly awful, especially if you\u2019re NOT in the know on the whole Santa Thang <em>nudge, nudge, wink, wink<\/em>.\u00a0 Because A) It seriously damages Mommy\u2019s reputation by B) Making her look like a complete floozy.\u00a0 \u201cWill Hook For Toys\u201d would have been a slightly less confusing title for this song, because otherwise why would Mommy be kissing an old man who has milk-and-cookie-breath and who hasn\u2019t changed his suit since classic Christmas carols were new \u2013 so we\u2019re talking, what, like 400 years?!?\u00a0 Can you even IMAGINE what was in that beard?!?????\u00a0 <em>Gaaak!\u00a0 I shudder to think.\u00a0<\/em><\/li>\n<li>\u201cI Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas\u201d \u2013 Stop singing this song immediately.\u00a0 STOP!\u00a0 My aversion to this song has nothing to do with Gayle Peevy and everything to so with the fact that there are two words that don\u2019t EVER belong in the same sentence: \u2018Hippopotamus\u2019 and \u2018Christmas.\u2019\u00a0 Not only will this never be a classic Christmas song (see <strong>Requirement: 400 years<\/strong> above), but actually making this song come true would violate all sorts of international peace treaties and would put the World Wildlife Federation hot on your undersized, completely-out-of-proportion tail.\u00a0 P.S. Start asking for something more realistic.\u00a0 Something that you might actually GET.\u00a0 Like an iTunes gift card or a trampoline.\u00a0 Because you will never, EVER get a Hippopotamus for Christmas.\u00a0 P.P.S.\u00a0 Hippopotamuses don\u2019t really like you too.\u00a0 They were just pretending so that they could get a mention in the song.<\/li>\n<li>Random, overly talk-y parts in Christmas songs.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at you here, Willie Nelson, and you too, I suppose, Norah Jones, since you were in on that whole \u201cBaby, It\u2019s Cold Outside\u201d clusterbomb.\u00a0 My daughter\u2019s pet peeve about this song?\u00a0 Is that \u201cthe guy singer\u201d sounds \u201creally old and creepy\u201d but the \u201cgirl singer\u201d sounds \u201cyoung.\u201d\u00a0 <em>Allllll true.<\/em>\u00a0 So let\u2019s add that to the mix of why this Christmas chat-line crap needs to stop.\u00a0 And not that we need it, but one more reason we\u2019re issuing a cease-and-desist order on this?\u00a0 Is because the lyrics \u201cWell, maybe just a cigarette more\u201d do NOT belong in a Christmas song.\u00a0 I thought it was just the one word \u201cHippopotamus\u201d that didn\u2019t belong in a Christmas song, but it turns out \u201ccigarette\u201d doesn\u2019t belong either.\u00a0 So Mommas?\u00a0 Stop kissing Santy for a sec and listen up: Don\u2019t let your babies grow up to be cowboys, or singers with terrible lyrics in their Christmas songs.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>And now it\u2019s time for a diatribe few words about Christmas songs and their lyrics: All the good Christmas songs have already been sung.\u00a0 There will be no more \u201cclassic\u201d Christmas songs created.\u00a0 So Meghan Trainor, I totally LOVED your all-about-that-bass-no-treble stuff, and I can see where you were going with your \u201cI\u2019ll Be Home [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[341,344,345,342,346,347,343,338,340,339],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4043"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4043"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4043\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4056,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4043\/revisions\/4056"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}