{"id":3964,"date":"2014-11-17T11:24:24","date_gmt":"2014-11-17T18:24:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3964"},"modified":"2014-11-17T11:24:24","modified_gmt":"2014-11-17T18:24:24","slug":"do-si-do-and-split-your-pants-left","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3964","title":{"rendered":"Do Si Do and Split Your Pants Left"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sonny split his pants in school last week.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>While square dancing during music class.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now I\u2019ve been square dancing a time or two.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And unless they\u2019ve improved it greatly in recent years, I don\u2019t remember ANY opportunity that presents itself DURING square dancing that would require pants splitting.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, during freshmen year in highschool, I took a gym class pertaining to various forms of public dancing and there was not one single, solitary pants splitting incident.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>There was waltzing, the jitterbug, even the hustle\u2026and yes, square dancing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But nope, no pants splitting.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And this DOES sound like the worst gym class in the history of the world, doesn\u2019t it?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>How \u2018bout now, when I tell you that sometimes the gym teacher would turn the thumbscrews at the beginning of the class by calling out, \u201cLadies\u2019 Choice!\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s when the girls had to ask the boys to partner them instead of the other way around.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>BARF!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em>I would always rush over to a guy from my typing class to snap him up before anyone else could.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And not because I had a crush on him or anything (even though his hair WAS feathered), but because he was one of the only guys who was TALLER than I was freshman year.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>My kids feel sorry for me when I tell this story because I apparently went to school with a bunch of shrimpy dudes.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>(Their words, not mine.)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And you caught that part about the guy being from my TYPING class, right?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yep.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s right: TYPING CLASS.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This makes the whole story even worse in my kids\u2019 eyes, \u201cWhat kind of a stupid class is that?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Couldn\u2019t you have taken TECH class?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or COMPUTER class?!?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No I couldn\u2019t have.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because those classes didn\u2019t exist.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Only ballroom dancing and typing class existed when I was a freshman in highschool.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So NOW you would be correct and completely accurate if you have formed the impression that I should win an award for Worst Gym Class Story.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>A bunch of highschool freshman, awkward enough as it is, then being required to move their arms and legs in synchronicity to a beat?!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Step, 2, 3, 4 STEP, 2, 3, 4.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>In front of each other in a brightly lit gymnasium at 9 in the morning??!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Awful.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Especially when you consider that the guys were, for the most part, a bunch of tiny fellers, their heads coming up to my chin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Hey!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Eyes up here!!<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Lurching around on the dance floor, completely disconnected from their feet, which frequently stepped on MY feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>EYES.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>UP.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>HERE!<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>And sometimes?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I had to go all Sadie Hawkins on them and rush around ASKING them for the privilege of stepping on my feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>AWwwwwwwwFUL!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But I got an \u2018A\u2019 anyway.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So when Sonny came home on Friday with the whole ripped-my-pants-square-dancing-and-had-to-go-to-the-office-for-more-pants thing, having had my OWN horrific public dancing experience in school, I was completely prepared to sympathize and empathize with how horrible the situation must have been.<\/span><\/p>\n

I asked him what happened, how on EARTH he could have split his pants square dancing?!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He replied, \u201cI was dancing by myself doing a grand finale splits move at the end.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And then my pants split.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hmmm\u2026this explains EVERYTHING.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why you were dancing alone; why your pants split; and why I don\u2019t feel sorry for you afterall.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I empathize with the music teacher instead.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And you deserve whatever grade you get in her class.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Now go change your pants.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sonny split his pants in school last week.\u00a0 While square dancing during music class. Now I\u2019ve been square dancing a time or two.\u00a0 And unless they\u2019ve improved it greatly in recent years, I don\u2019t remember ANY opportunity that presents itself DURING square dancing that would require pants splitting. In fact, during freshmen year in highschool, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[307],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3964"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3964"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3964\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3969,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3964\/revisions\/3969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3964"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3964"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3964"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}