{"id":3873,"date":"2014-10-16T13:54:11","date_gmt":"2014-10-16T19:54:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3873"},"modified":"2014-10-16T13:54:11","modified_gmt":"2014-10-16T19:54:11","slug":"young-and-chipper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3873","title":{"rendered":"Young and Chipper"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I was a freshman in college, there was a girl who lived on my hallway.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>We called her Chippy.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No, not to her face.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>That would\u2019ve been mean.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just behind her back because her front teeth were HUGE Chiclets\u00a0and made her look like a chipmunk.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Until that one time she got wasted and face planted, teeth first, into the sidewalk on the way home from a frat party.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And chipped her front teeth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>THEN we called her Chippy to her face!<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Well I\u2019m Chippy now.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>And no, it\u2019s not because of some hilarious drinking incident.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s because I sew.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Huh?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Let me explain.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I went to the dentist today because I chipped my front tooth.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>I only noticed a few days ago how one front tooth was\u2026shorter\u2026than the other one.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And it was all rough on the bottom part.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>These were all clues to me that I had somehow, somewhere, chipped my tooth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Perhaps recently.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Perhaps not.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>My husband-who\u2019s-known-me-for-25+-years insisted that my teeth have ALWAYS looked like this.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Like this?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>All jagged and uneven?!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thanks, Honey.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Give me a smooch.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, when the hygienist goes to look at my chipped tooth, she SPARKS ME right ON my chipped tooth.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>The resultant twitching and jerking on my part proceeds to a ten minute conversation on what \u201csparking\u201d means.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She\u2019s not familiar with the word.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So I explain how, when I was young, during the winter, I would race around on the fuzzy bathroom rug and spark my little brother and little sister on the front teeth for fun.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And to see that weird blue light leap out of my finger.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Ha, ha, ha!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So fun.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After that explanation, she realized I was talking about something she calls SHOCKING.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Not SPARKING.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Must be an east coast\/west coast thing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Either way, it turns out that getting sparked on your front teeth isn\u2019t super fun like I thought it was.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So –\u00a0after all the shocking preliminaries heh-heh-heh<\/em><\/span><\/span> I finally get to see the dentist.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He starts asking me about my paranormal activity.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not even kidding.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He actually said the words \u201cparanormal activity\u201d to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m picturing aliens entering my bedroom at night to probe me.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>He\u2019s picturing something where I do a lot of unnatural or unusual stuff with my front teeth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sayyyy for example\u2026SEWING!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDo you hold pins between your top and bottom front teeth when you sew?\u201d he asks me.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Oh my gosh I DO!!!!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>I totally DO!!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>D-A-M-P-Q Christmas pillow sewing project!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What a waste of a good tooth!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Turns out, by holding straight pins in my teeth when I sew, I wore down my tooth in a weird PARANORMAL way and made it super chippable.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>But Dr. Chew was able to file it down so that it\u2019s even shorter now than the other tooth and even MORE noticeably shorter than my other tooth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But SHHHHH!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t tell Hubby.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019ll see if he notices in another 25 years.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Also?\u00a0 During the tooth-shortening process, the hygienist mentions how my\u00a0<\/span><\/span>teeth are “vibrant” (apart from that short, jagged-now-smooth short one, of course).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yeah, right?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>My thoughts exactly!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Who knew we were getting all judge-y with the age of teeth.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>But apparently mine are very youthful and completely match my complexion and coloring.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Holy Crap!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s awesome!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ll take that.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Chippy and\u00a0her cute teeth are in the house.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Whoop, whoop! <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a freshman in college, there was a girl who lived on my hallway.\u00a0 We called her Chippy.\u00a0 No, not to her face.\u00a0 That would\u2019ve been mean.\u00a0 Just behind her back because her front teeth were HUGE Chiclets\u00a0and made her look like a chipmunk.\u00a0 Until that one time she got wasted and face […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[278,280,279,277,276],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3873"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3883,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3873\/revisions\/3883"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}