{"id":3799,"date":"2014-09-29T08:25:30","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T14:25:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3799"},"modified":"2014-09-29T08:25:58","modified_gmt":"2014-09-29T14:25:58","slug":"annabelle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3799","title":{"rendered":"Annabelle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you seen the commercial for this movie?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>No, neither have I.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because every time it comes on, I close my eyes (tight) and plug my ears <\/span>nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah <\/span><\/em>until someone with the remote changes the channel and notifies me of same.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I do always\u2026.just\u2026catch that one glimpse of Annabelle\u2019s completely banged up doll face before my eye-squinch commences.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>And it\u2019s the WORST doll face that ever came out of Doll Land.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yet the woman receiving the doll as a gift from her husband (yes, this is still all part of that one glimpse of the commercial which is permanently\u00a0BURNED into my retinas) acts like it\u2019s the loveliest dream-gift-come-true.<\/span>\u00a0 Oh, Honey, THANK you!<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Which makes me think, \u201cOk, chick.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>You\u2019re a moron because I and the million other people who wish we hadn’t caught that glimpse of\u00a0the commercial can clearly see the ring of gore all around the doll\u2019s mouth which makes it a complete certainty that it\u2019s been feasting on hapless victims since it rolled off the gore-mouths-r-us doll assembly line.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Also?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Your death wish husband is an a$$ for giving you a gift like that.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m the first to admit that there are some banged up dolls; Dolls that have been loved beyond their limits of endurance.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>For example, my daughter\u2019s dolls from back in the day?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Loved beyond their individual thresholds of loveliness.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Let\u2019s see\u2026.there was Tuna Fish Binky Baby.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She had a binky permanently stuck in her mouth that Sissy would endlessly try to pull out and suck on, and when that failed, would resort to tandem sucking sessions.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>(All the tugging – and sucking – does take a toll on one\u2019s face.)<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And then there was Browny Brown Tuna Fish.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She was\u2026er\u2026African American.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>(I hesitated there because I didn\u2019t want you to think Sissy was a racist when she was three.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The doll WAS brown.)<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sissy tried too many times to brush that\u00a0doll’s\u00a0hair with the wrong brush and it just went way wonky after that.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And on and on and on.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>[And as a fun side note, apart from the <\/span><\/span>Creep Factor Five Thousand doll twins<\/span><\/a> named Nancy and Fancy, every other one of my daughter\u2019s dolls had \u201cTuna Fish\u201d as a key component of its name.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not sure why.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019ve never figured it out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And then Sissy conveniently \u201cforgot\u201d why she named all the dolls Tuna Fish once she became a sentient being.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So the mystery remains.]<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

(And no, for you in the corner with your hand raised, no, Sissy actually HATES tuna fish and always has.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>But nice try.)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Despite all that, Sissy never, EVER had a doll as ratchet as Annabelle.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Annabelle is not one of those dolls that got all ratchet-y because she was LOVED too much.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She\u2019s all ratchet-y because she KILLS PEOPLE too much with her MOUTH.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So really, according to all known doll naming conventions, wouldn\u2019t a better name for Annabelle\u00a0be: Tuna Fish Death is Coming?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Or how\u2019s about: Gore Mouth Tuna Fish??<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Who knows?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Who cares.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Hopefully we\u2019ll never find out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because Husbands of the World?<\/span>\u00a0 Ok, really just my husband<\/em><\/span><\/span>, If you EVER bring a doll like Gore Mouth Tuna Fish into our house?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And GIVE it to me as a PRESENT?!?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I will absolutely let it eat your neck.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Now change the channel already.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you seen the commercial for this movie?\u00a0 No, neither have I.\u00a0 Because every time it comes on, I close my eyes (tight) and plug my ears nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah until someone with the remote changes the channel and notifies me of same. But I do always\u2026.just\u2026catch that one glimpse of Annabelle\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[264],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3799"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3799"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3799\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3810,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3799\/revisions\/3810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3799"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3799"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3799"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}