{"id":3749,"date":"2014-09-16T12:32:36","date_gmt":"2014-09-16T18:32:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3749"},"modified":"2014-09-16T12:32:36","modified_gmt":"2014-09-16T18:32:36","slug":"under-where","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3749","title":{"rendered":"Under Where?"},"content":{"rendered":"

One day, when I was like\u00a0seven years old (so really just a few years ago) unbeknownst to me, my older sisters dumped the entire contents of my underwear drawer out the bedroom window.\u00a0 My bedroom was on the second floor of the house and faced the street, which means my underwear landed all over the bushes in the front of the house and was therefore visible to anyone in the neighborhood who had eyeballs.<\/span><\/p>\n

When my father came home from work that evening, he walked in demanding to know WHOSE UNDERWEAR WAS ALL OVER THE FRONT YARD?!?<\/span><\/p>\n

Uhhhh, not mine.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 I had been playing in the BACK yard and hadn\u2019t been anywhere near the FRONT of the house.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And I sure as snot hadn\u2019t been strategically draping my Carter Spanky Pants ANYWHERE, so I quickly denied ownership.\u00a0 That\u2019s when the sheepish looks exchanged by my sisters\u00a0clued EVERYONE in to the fact that it WAS my underwear \u2013 as punishment for some \u201cmessy room\u201d infraction \u2013 that had been sitting out front for the better part of the day.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>Noooo, that’s not incredibly awful and monumentally embarrassing!\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve told my kids this underwear story a time or two.\u00a0 Ohhh, no reason.\u00a0 But messy rooms are ANNOYING as CRAP!\u00a0 And \u201cfamily lore\u201d works in achieving \u201cclean room\u201d results.\u00a0 Don\u2019t even tell me YOU\u2019RE above threatening your kids about their messy rooms.\u00a0 Don\u2019t even.\u00a0 \u2018Cause if you do, I\u2019m on my way over to your house RIGHT NOW to start flinging your flea-bitten Underoos where all the neighbors can get a good look-see.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So imagine Sonny\u2019s horror\u00a0when he called me on my cell phone the other day to let me know he had found a pair of my underwear on the lounge chair on the back patio.\u00a0 Like someone had begun\u00a0Operation Underwear on me YET AGAIN\u00a0or something.<\/em><\/span><\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me to Sonny: Accck!\u00a0 What?!\u00a0 WHAT?!?\u00a0 How did my underwear get out there?!?\u00a0 Are my sisters at the house by any chance??\u00a0 Anyway, that\u2019s embarrassing.\u00a0 Did you at least bring them in?!<\/span><\/p>\n

Sonny to Me:\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I just called you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Me to Sonny:\u00a0 Ok.\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 But can you please BRING THE UNDERWEAR INSIDE SO THE NEIGHBORS CAN\u2019T SEE IT?!?\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

One minute later Sonny calls back to report the following:<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Sonny to Me: I brought the underwear in and guess what?\u00a0 There were Lego pieces on top of it!<\/span><\/p>\n

Weirder and weirder.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t be my sisters;\u00a0They live in Virginia and I live in Colorado now.\u00a0 So either the wackiest underwear thief has visited my house and left evidence\u2026or the DOG got ahold of all the most verboten stuff he could find and created a pack rat stash in plain sight on the lounge chair.\u00a0 I\u2019m voting for the dog, because otherwise?\u00a0 The Lego piece component is inexplicable and greatly, greatly concerning.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Oh!\u00a0 Before I forget!!\u00a0 The other thing I wanted to say was:\u00a0Look UNDER THERE!<\/span><\/p>\n

Under where?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

My point exactly.\u00a0 Heh, heh, heh.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One day, when I was like\u00a0seven years old (so really just a few years ago) unbeknownst to me, my older sisters dumped the entire contents of my underwear drawer out the bedroom window.\u00a0 My bedroom was on the second floor of the house and faced the street, which means my underwear landed all over the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3749"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3749"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3749\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3763,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3749\/revisions\/3763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3749"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3749"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3749"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}