{"id":3691,"date":"2014-09-04T09:11:18","date_gmt":"2014-09-04T15:11:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3691"},"modified":"2014-09-04T09:11:18","modified_gmt":"2014-09-04T15:11:18","slug":"to-chicken-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3691","title":{"rendered":"To Chicken Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

My sister \u2013 who I\u2019m pretty sure has met me a time or two (and knows I\u2019m deathly afraid of heights) \u2013 gave my family a Heights R Us, Heightstravaganza gift certificate which provided us a set of\u00a0high-up, hyperventilation-inducing activities at a facility called Cave of the Winds located in Colorado Springs.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>[And no, this is an UNPAID shout out\u2026up \u2018til now hopefully.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m lookin\u2019 at you here, Cave of the Winds.]<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What did these activities\u00a0include?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The Windwalker Challenge (ropes) Course and The Bat-a-pult (two-person zip line).<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Except during a call-ahead-for-more-information, we found out that the Bat-a-pult was down, had been down for a while, and was most likely\u00a0NOT\u00a0going to be fixed before they closed for the season.<\/span>\u00a0 So\u00a0<\/span>they were willing to \u201ctrade\u201d our Bat-a-pult tickets for tickets to their newest attraction, something called The Terrordactyl (a freefall \u201cride\u201d out into the canyon beside which Cave of the Winds is located).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Terrordactyl is<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>a great name, by the way.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Doesn\u2019t strike fear into the heart or ANYTHING.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So we discussed among ourselves and decided we\u2019d take the trade.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The only hitch in the giddyup was that Terrordactyl has a weight restriction.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Max of 220 (Hubby was out\u00a0by a hair) and minimum of 100.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Since Sissy and I were in grave danger of not weighing ENOUGH to partake of the terror (and when I say \u201cSissy and I\u201d I mean \u201cjust Sissy\u201d), we decided to stop at A&W Kentucky Fried Chicken (and no, STILL not paid and now I\u2019m lookin\u2019 at YOU, A&W) for lunch on the way there so that Sissy could drink at least five pounds of rootbeer and thus achieve the weight limit.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This is a completely safe approach to death-defying feats which include weight limits so SHUT IT!<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

For my part, I ordered two mini chicken sandwiches.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>One to eat for lunch.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And one to save for later, after I blew the first chicken sandwich all over the canyon.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Except I forgot about my brilliant plan and ended up eating BOTH chicken sandwiches in one go.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This made me feel worse than ever about the upcoming \u201cadventure\u201d while forever linking chicken sandwiches with fear in my mind.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When we finally got to Cave of the Winds, we decided to \u201ccalm our nerves\u201d by going on the Windwalker Challenge Course first.\u00a0 The theory was that this would buy us some time to\u00a0screw\u00a0our courage to the sticking point for the Terrordactyl.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What exactly IS a Windwalker Challenge Course you ask?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If you picture tightrope walking over the Grand Canyon in gale-force winds then you\u2019ll have a pretty good idea of what I\u2019m talking about.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yeah, yeah, you\u2019re strapped into a safety harness, blah, blah, blah.\u00a0 But you\u2019re still on a ropes course three stories tall and cantilevered out over a sheer-drop canyon.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

All this causes my\u00a0Chicken Sandwich Plan to begin\u2026repeating\u2026on me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So while Hubby and the kids go up all three flights of rickety rope hell, I go up one flight of stairs, across a beam thing,\u00a0then go back down the stairs, all the while yelling, \u201cWho is shaking the STAIRS??<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>STOP SHAKING THE STAIRS!!!\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>To which the ropes course attendant politely replies, \u201cUh, ma\u2019am.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No one is on the stairs with you.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

SHUT IT!\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hubby and the kids were up there for an additional 45 minutes after I had abandoned hope (and decided that I now HATE chicken sandwiches).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>When they finally came down, it was\u2026<\/span>duh, duh DUHN!<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>TIME <\/span>time, time<\/span><\/em> for the DACTYL <\/span>dactyl, dactyl<\/span><\/em> of TERROR!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>TERROR! TERROR!!!<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The plan was that Sissy and I would go first.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sonny would watch us and see that it was super fun <\/span>and that we didn\u2019t sheer off and plummet into the canyon and\/or accidentally crash into its opposing face <\/span><\/span>and would then ride with either Sissy or I after that, depending on who was up for MORE fun after the first go-round.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So Sissy and I get strapped in to what I can only describe as a bumper car but without the car.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019re sitting in non-padded bucket seats and are secured with a total crap shoulder strap\u00a0in preparation for having the base of the bucket seats pulled up and back until we\u2019re facing straight down INTO the canyon before being\u00a0released into a freefall that would last until we ALMOST hit the other side of the canyon.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>At which point the operator would start winching us up again as we swung back and forth over open space.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Fun, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m pantomiming \u201cthis is gonna be fun\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m so excited\u201d to Sonny while holding my blow-hole closed so the chicken sandwich doesn\u2019t accidentally come out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s about this time that I realize the ride is shaking in a weird, impromptu earthquake sort of way.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So I look over at Sissy to see if she feels it too.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And when I do, I realize she looks like a Littlest Petshop Puppy.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her eyes are HUGE.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Huger than the rest of her face.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She\u2019s shaking her head back and forth rapidly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>As I\u2019m wondering <\/span>how did you DO that;<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>how did you make your eyes five TIMES\u00a0bigger than their regular size??<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Sissy starts whispering, \u201cNo.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Nooo.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>[then louder] Noooo! [until finally shouting] NOOOOOOOO!!!!\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her fear is vibrating the entire ride.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Apparently \u201csomeone\u2019s\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>courage wasn\u2019t screwed up\u2026quite\u2026high enough.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That elusive rat bastard sticking point!!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So the ride operator let us out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After that, Sonny wouldn’t even LOOK at the\u00a0contraption, much less go on it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And me?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I must say that once I\u2019ve screwed my courage to the sticking point, and that point has come and gone?\u00a0 It never comes again.\u00a0 Sayonara, Sticking Point.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So Littlest Petshop Puppy and her family\u00a0left with their tails between their legs.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We did get a new gift certificate and we\u2019ll be back to do the tame(r) Bat-a-pult next spring when the ride reopens.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I will not be eating chicken sandwiches again.\u00a0 Ever.\u00a0 I have discovered a whole new meaning for\u00a0the phrase, “To Chicken OUT.”<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks, Sis.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My sister \u2013 who I\u2019m pretty sure has met me a time or two (and knows I\u2019m deathly afraid of heights) \u2013 gave my family a Heights R Us, Heightstravaganza gift certificate which provided us a set of\u00a0high-up, hyperventilation-inducing activities at a facility called Cave of the Winds located in Colorado Springs.\u00a0 [And no, this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[238,241,235,239,240,236,237],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3691"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3705,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691\/revisions\/3705"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}