{"id":3683,"date":"2014-09-02T15:53:35","date_gmt":"2014-09-02T21:53:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3683"},"modified":"2014-09-02T16:14:44","modified_gmt":"2014-09-02T22:14:44","slug":"bad-feet-seat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3683","title":{"rendered":"Bad Feet Seat"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the Labor Day week-end, we went to see that new X-Men movie, Days of Future Past<\/em>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This is the EXACT type of movie I hate.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know ANY of the characters (not to mention they mostly all have English accents and\/or are blue \u2013 as in the color blue \u2013 not \u201cblue\u201d in a sad sack, don\u2019t-it-make-my-brown-eyes-blue sort of way; Although they have every right to be blue because their mutant race is on the verge of getting wiped out).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They travel back in time.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Gaaah!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I HATE time travel in movies-where-I-don\u2019t-know-any-of-the-characters because it brings a level of math to the entertainment which makes the whole thing extremely unenjoyable.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Not to mention that the characters are endlessly smiling smug smiles at eachother over their remembered past, future, past\/future-but-not-right-now, future together.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Annoying.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You know what else is annoying?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The fact that my movie theater seat SMELLED!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It smelled so BAD I spent most of the movie trying to figure out what it smelled like.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Other theater goers may have gotten the impression I had a sniffing tic:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sniff.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>SNIFF!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sniffsniffsniff.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sniff.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>SNIFF!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sniffsniffsniff.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Good Lord!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Could it be FEET??<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Bad, bad FEET?!?<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I leaned left to ask Sissy if HER chair smelled like feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She replied, \u201cNo, my chair doesn\u2019t smell like feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just your chair smells.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>In fact, you can pretty much assume it\u2019s always, always just gonna be YOUR chair that smells.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Wow.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Ok.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Then I leaned right, whereupon Hubby confirmed that no, no one else\u2019s chair smelled like feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just mine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Then he added that my chair smelled because I\u2019m a bad, bad girl.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Who DESERVES to sit in a smelly chair.\u00a0 That smells like feet.\u00a0 In the Bad, Bad Feet Seat.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Well, ok then.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>In which case?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m gonna tell you about the WHOLE movie without so much as a Spoiler Alert.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So there!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s set in the future and the X-Men mutants are on the verge of being wiped out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know any of these future mutants\u2019 names.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because, instead of introducing eachother to the audience, they spend the whole time avoiding complete annihilation which is being doled out by a bunch of robot-y fellers.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But one mutant looks like the guy from that mid-90\u2019s movie <\/span>The Crow<\/span><\/em>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And another looks like the main chick from <\/span>Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon<\/span><\/em>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>One even looks like Ally Sheedy in <\/span>The Breakfast Club<\/span><\/em> and on the advice of an English accented gent from Star Trek, she helps Wolverine travel back in time to 1972.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And let\u2019s pause right here so that I can say, \u201c<\/span>Uh huh.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Hugh Jackman?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Now THAT\u2019S what I\u2019m talkin\u2019 \u2018bout.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Nummy num num.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We aren\u2019t to the theee ay tuh yet, Hugh, but when we get there, don’t stop picking\u00a0MY seat.<\/span><\/em>\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s even this one part where Hugh Jackman as Wolverine has to <\/span>show us <\/span>FULL BACKAL NUDITY GGGGRRRROARRRR!<\/span><\/em><\/span> track down Katniss Everdeen<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It gets super confusing here so stick with me.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Katniss is one of those blue people I was talking about earlier and for her part, she\u2019s trying to track down Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ultimately, that guy who drank the spit bucket in the wine tasting room in the movie <\/span>Sideways<\/span><\/em> saves the mutant population past, present and future by dressing up like an <\/span>\u00fcber<\/span> homely Nixon and putting the kibosh on the robot-y fellers program (which would have destroyed all the mutants in the future unless the mutants had gone back in time E equals MC squared minus negative one).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Then?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019re back in the future where the half-fairy chick-with-the-gap-in-her-teeth from the <\/span>True Blood<\/span><\/em> series has a skunk stripe in her hair and says hi to Wolverine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Phew!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>There you have it, folks.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The end.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Except for that part where I give Hugh Jackman a smug smile based on our completely non-existent past\/future and say, \u201cHey Wolverine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Are those some adamantium claws in your pocket?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or are you just happy to see me?!\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hmmm, maybe Hubby WAS right.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I AM a bad, bad girl.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>ggggrrrroarrrrrr.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the Labor Day week-end, we went to see that new X-Men movie, Days of Future Past.\u00a0 This is the EXACT type of movie I hate.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know ANY of the characters (not to mention they mostly all have English accents and\/or are blue \u2013 as in the color blue \u2013 not \u201cblue\u201d in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[225,233,226,230,229,234,228,227,231,232],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3683"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3683"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3683\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3690,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3683\/revisions\/3690"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3683"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}