{"id":3646,"date":"2014-08-23T08:46:24","date_gmt":"2014-08-23T14:46:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3646"},"modified":"2014-08-23T08:46:24","modified_gmt":"2014-08-23T14:46:24","slug":"chiropractor-survivor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3646","title":{"rendered":"Chiropractor Survivor"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s the funny thing about school supplies: you can buy your pencils the old-fashioned way, unsharpened.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or \u2013 if you\u2019re a big spender <\/span>Hey, Big Spender! <\/span><\/em>\u2013 you can buy your pencils PRE-sharpened for the low, low price of two dollars MORE than the cost of the old-timey unsharpened pencils.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Ha, ha, ha!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Isn\u2019t that FUNNY??<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

But I prefer to go cheap or go home <\/span>and throw some manual labor into the mix for good measure<\/span><\/em> so I bought our pencils UNsharpened, then spent the next two hours sharpening them with a plastic, total crap, \u201cprize box\u201d fish-shaped pencil sharpener.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Aha!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Two dollars SAVED!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But for some odd reason, my painful \u2018tennis elbow\u2019 started actin\u2019 up.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So then I had to go see the chiropractor-who-helps-with-tennis-elbow for the low, low price of FIFTY dollars.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Hmmm.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If I\u2019m being honest here, that DOES\u00a0smell just a little bass ackwards.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Saving TWO\u00a0dollars to spend FIFTY??<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe, just maybe, I shoulduv PAID the extra two bucks, Chuck, just to have the pencils already SHARPENED!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

But that’s where you come in…ALWAYS\u00a0<\/span>with the math.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>ENOUGH with the math!\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>What\u00a0I\u00a0really wanted to say\u00a0is that my trips to the chiropractor seem to turn into some version of Chiropractor Survivor \u2013 Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Heavy on the \u201cOutlast.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Every time I\u2019m there, I find myself thinking, \u201cThe doctor can only hold my arm in that painful position for so long before I pass out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And IF I pass out?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Surely he\u2019ll stop.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But until then, I can outlast however long he needs to hold my arm in that painful position by comforting myself with the fact that if I pass out?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Surely he\u2019ll stop.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

While I have never actually tested this theory by passing out, it\u2019s good to have options.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yes, you have\u00a0options and\u00a0stop calling me Shirley!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>heh, heh, heh<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

And in keeping with the painful-to-the-point-of-passing-out chiro appointments,\u00a0my latest ‘tennis elbow’ visit was no different.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>RAT BASTARD PENCIL SHARPENER!!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Perhaps the kids coulduv sharpened their OWN bleepin\u2019 pencils?!!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em>The doctor shot my elbow full\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/span> of buckshot and sent me out the door.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ok, I lied.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It wasn\u2019t buckshot; it was a bunch of BB\u2019s.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And I have the picture to prove it.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I asked what they REALLY were, he said they were \u201clike medicine.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I say they\u2019re \u201clike peppercorns with tape over them.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But who\u00a0knows.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So instead, I\u2019m pretending they\u2019re actually radioactive pellets that give me superhuman powers on the tennis court.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Or at a minimum, they let me live to sharpen another pencil another day.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s the funny thing about school supplies: you can buy your pencils the old-fashioned way, unsharpened.\u00a0 Or \u2013 if you\u2019re a big spender Hey, Big Spender! \u2013 you can buy your pencils PRE-sharpened for the low, low price of two dollars MORE than the cost of the old-timey unsharpened pencils.\u00a0 Ha, ha, ha!\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[224,222,223,184],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3646"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3658,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646\/revisions\/3658"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3646"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3646"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}