{"id":3560,"date":"2014-08-06T14:58:20","date_gmt":"2014-08-06T20:58:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3560"},"modified":"2014-08-06T14:58:20","modified_gmt":"2014-08-06T20:58:20","slug":"all-sewn-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3560","title":{"rendered":"All Sewn Up"},"content":{"rendered":"

Matthew 13:3 \u2013 Jesus <\/span><\/em><\/strong>told them many things in parables, saying: \u201cA sower went out to sow.\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve decided to turn this into a religious blog.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thank you for stopping by.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m wishing you a warm welcome in Christ!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

HAHAHAHAhahahahahaha!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

You are a total knucklehead if you believed that I would become a religious blogger.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>In addition to all of the ^%$#!* swearwords I sprinkle throughout my posts, there\u2019s also the mockery [please refer to\u00a0\u201cyou are a total knucklehead\u201d above] and the anger.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In other words: Me? <\/em><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>As a religious blogger?!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Bless yer pea-pickin\u2019 heart, but no.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thank you though.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

What I ACTUALLY meant to say at the beginning of the blog was: <\/span>A sewer went out to SEW<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And take a gander at what the poor thing had to sew ON! <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, this is an antique I just received.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>It came to me by way of a cross-country trip from Southern Virginia after spending a four-year stint in my sister\u2019s basement preceded by sixty\u00a0years or so in my grandmother\u2019s unheated New Hampshire barn (baaahn).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It was manufactured in 1909 and are you out of yer ever lovin\u2019 MIND?!?\u00a0\u00a0[Anger now.]\u00a0 <\/span>Of course <\/span>I\u2019M<\/span><\/em> not the one sewing on it!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s just for look-sees.\u00a0 Display purposes only.\u00a0 Because\u00a0this thing\u00a0<\/span>is astonishingly gorgeous.\u00a0 L<\/span>ike the Chrysler Building and a Model T Ford all rolled into one.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s completely amazing with its intricate-yet-surprisingly-simple machinery, golden scrollwork and woodwork cabinetry.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But trust me when I say that sewing on one of these things is hard work.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Imagine having to pat your head and rub your belly WHILE sewing AND riding a bike AND DOING MATH and you\u2019ll get a better picture of what I\u2019m talking about.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>In other words, it\u2019s completely impossible.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In which case screw you and yer pea-pickin’ heart – instead God\u00a0bless\u00a0the women in the early 1900\u2019s who had\u00a0to sew on these things.\u00a0\u00a0[Reminder:\u00a0Electricity wasn’t invented yet.\u00a0 And neither was Target.\u00a0\u00a0So there was no\u00a0place to get\u00a0trendy, ready-made clothes at reasonable prices.\u00a0 Instead, they had to be made in a sweat shop for one.]<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Can you just picture these poor gals?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>With their hair\u00a0poofed just so and tucked up under their broad-brimmed hats topped with fruit and tulle.<\/span>\u00a0 Sitting\u00a0<\/span>their plump partridge bosoms and corseted\u00a0wasp waists down at this \u201cmodern marvel\u201d gettin’ busy making a pair of\u00a0<\/span>skinny jeans?!?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

No wonder why they ended up going all Suffragette City on us.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

I, for one, don’t blame ’em.\u00a0 Sew there!\u00a0\u00a0H<\/em><\/span>eh, heh, heh – you knew THAT was comin’ didntcha?<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Matthew 13:3 \u2013 Jesus told them many things in parables, saying: \u201cA sower went out to sow.\u201d I\u2019ve decided to turn this into a religious blog.\u00a0 Thank you for stopping by.\u00a0 I\u2019m wishing you a warm welcome in Christ! HAHAHAHAhahahahahaha!!! You are a total knucklehead if you believed that I would become a religious blogger.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[162,164,168,169,165,163,161,167,166],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3560"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3560"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3575,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3560\/revisions\/3575"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}