{"id":3439,"date":"2014-06-27T08:21:09","date_gmt":"2014-06-27T14:21:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3439"},"modified":"2014-06-27T08:21:09","modified_gmt":"2014-06-27T14:21:09","slug":"strawberry-rhubarb-pie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3439","title":{"rendered":"Strawberry Rhubarb Pie"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019ve been pretty sure (for the last two years or so, but why rush?) that I have a rhubarb plant growing in my back yard.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I confirmed it with a woman at bookclub on Tuesday by asking insightful questions like, \u201cAre you sure there\u2019s no such thing as a poisonous-to-humans rhubarb plant?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Despite the odd looks she was shooting me, she assured me that the man-high-plant-that-looks-like-celery-with-big-leaves is indeed rhubarb that you can eat\u2026and that there\u2019s a great strawberry rhubarb pie recipe in the Betty Crocker cookbook.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And that I should give it a whirl!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Whirling\u2026whirling\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

So Wednesday?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Wednesday I bought twenty bucks worth of strawberries because I was gonna make me some pie!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yee-haw!!<\/span><\/p>\n

Fifty minutes after starting the rhubarb harvest and prep shtick, I only had about one cup of the crunchy crap and it all had the consistency of corn husks DESPITE my attempts to peel it with the carrot peeler.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>My hands smelled like pipe tobacc-y.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Crap!\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Maybe this ISN\u2019T actually rhubarb.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Book Club Lady doesn\u2019t know everything.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0I’m sorry I took on the whirl challenge.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

I was supposed to have two cups of rhubarb and two cups of strawberries, but I figured that if this wasn\u2019t really rhubarb that I was peeling and husking, then one cup of it and THREE cups of strawberries might make it less deadly to humans; All while increasing my nummy pie mojo.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Also, I already said about the twenty BUCKS worth of strawberries, right?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So what better way to use those up than to use them up. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But hey!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Here\u2019s a fun fact!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Whatever is in this pie makes it bubble up and OVER the sides of the pie plate so that now the entire bottom of my oven is burnt to a blackened, may-have-been-rhubarb-may-NOT-have-been-rhubarb crisp.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And by the time I discovered the double, bubble toil and trouble b.s. there were big black plumes of smoke roiling along the kitchen ceiling.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yep, sure wish they\u2019d put THAT fun fact in the Betty Frickin\u2019 Crocker cookbook!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Screw you, Betty!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Strike one.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So the burnt-mess-in-the-oven combined with the fibrous stalk-shards-gumming-up-my-garbage-disposal and the I-only-used-two-dollars-worth-of-strawberries-and-now-have-to-find-a-use-for-eighteen-dollars-more nonsense have turned this pie making venture into a huge PAIN IN THE A$$!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Strike two.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, when it was cooked and cooled, I dished up a slice for the neighbor boy.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And the kids.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But they were only interested in a slice after neighbor boy had completely consumed his.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t think he even noticed that the kids were watching him like hawks for any signs of\u2026distress\u2026before they had their piece.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After which I myself was planning to take a teeeeeny-tiiiiiiny bite so that in case it WASN’T\u00a0actually rhubard, I wouldn\u2019t die.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But it was only when I had fork in hand that\u00a0I realized\u00a0this was\u00a0the same sort of gypsy-cursed pie that the protagonist in \u201cThinner\u201d (by Stephen King under the pseudonym Richard Bachman) used on-purpose to kill his wife while also accidentally killing his daughter.\u00a0 The\u00a0book pie was made with blood.\u00a0 Mine was made with fear.\u00a0 Still…<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Strike three.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m out.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Pas de pie for me.\u00a0 (That’s French for “No pie for me.”\u00a0 And I know!!\u00a0 Why haven’t I been hired yet???\u00a0 Multi-lingual on the pie topic.\u00a0 Come on!)\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

P.S. We\u2019re still watching the neighbor boy closely.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He said the pie was good and ended up having\u00a0two pieces.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But you never know.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Deadly-may-not-be-rhubarb and\/or gypsy curses might take time.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

P.P.S. If you have any comments on my mothering and\/or neighboring skills\u2026then you can just shut yer everlovin\u2019 piehole!!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Heh, heh, heh.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You were waiting for that, weren\u2019t you?<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019ve been pretty sure (for the last two years or so, but why rush?) that I have a rhubarb plant growing in my back yard.\u00a0 I confirmed it with a woman at bookclub on Tuesday by asking insightful questions like, \u201cAre you sure there\u2019s no such thing as a poisonous-to-humans rhubarb plant?\u201d Despite the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3439"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3439"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3454,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3439\/revisions\/3454"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}