{"id":3335,"date":"2014-06-05T18:05:26","date_gmt":"2014-06-06T00:05:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3335"},"modified":"2014-06-05T18:05:26","modified_gmt":"2014-06-06T00:05:26","slug":"central-park","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3335","title":{"rendered":"Central Park"},"content":{"rendered":"

While New York City in general is pretty wack, Central Park in particular has its own brand of cray-cray.<\/span><\/p>\n

First off, I\u2019m pretty darn sure that the smell?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The pee smell that permeates the entire city??!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Originates in Central Park.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Which means the whole time you\u2019re there, you\u2019re wondering what exactly happened before you got there to make it smell like that.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I have my theories, but now I\u2019m <\/span>GAAAACK!<\/span><\/em> gagging, <\/span>so I won\u2019t go into them.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Another thing is the garbage.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>When we were there recently, we saw one lone Parks & Rec worker (wearing extremely\u00a0faded Parks & Rec uniform pants with her own top from home) picking up the garbage using a Whole Foods paper bag and NOT wearing gloves.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This all gave\u00a0the impression she was a volunteer who wasn\u2019t doing a very good job.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But upon closer inspection, she did have a name badge and a walkie-talkie, so I\u2019m assuming she was \u201cofficial\u201d b<\/span>ut overwhelmed and therefore not very effective because we saw families surrounded by garbage having picnics in fields of garbage.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>(Did I mention there was a lot of garbage?)<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>At first you think they\u2019re sitting on oddly shaped blankets and it\u2019s only as you get closer that you realize the \u201cblankets\u201d are actually paper, wrappers, bottles and other sundry trash that they\u2019re plopped right in the midst of.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m assuming the Jersey Shore doesn\u2019t extend as far as Central Park and so the picnic quadrants didn\u2019t contain any hypodermic needles or medical waste, but I didn\u2019t look that closely so I don’t know for sure.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And the playgrounds in Central Park?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Are like Alcatraz, only slightly smaller, and in playground format, and land-locked, not in the middle of the ocean.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Ok, nothing like Alcatraz actually, other than they are made completely out of cement and contained by fences (which I\u2019m pretty sure are topped with barbed wire in at least two instances).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s like they took a regular playground and coated the entire thing (climbing structures, slides, grass) with a thick layer of cement.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So that any kid who bites it on these playgrounds is pretty much guaranteed a Humpty Dumpty future.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Based on all of this, I always come away from Central Park puzzled by why visitors continue to go there.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The smell, the garbage, the cracked eggshells everywhere, a<\/span><\/span>nd let\u2019s not even forget \u201cThe Central Park Jogger.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You guys haven\u2019t forgotten about that, right?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u2018Cause I know I haven\u2019t.<\/span>\u00a0 Seriously.\u00a0 Awful.\u00a0 And g<\/span>ranted, that was, like, twenty-five years ago, but it\u2019s not something you can get out of your head.<\/span>\u00a0 So <\/span>I\u2019m endlessly on the lookout for anything that may resemble \u201cwilding\u201d when I\u2019m in Central Park. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As a result, I stumble along its paths mumbling, all shifty-eyed, whipping around every time I hear footsteps behind me.<\/span><\/p>\n

P.S.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No one ever bothers the lunatics in Central Park.<\/span>\u00a0 This, I know.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

P.P.S. Parks & Rec Authorities, Lunatics and Egglovers \u2013 please do not contact me with complaints.\u00a0 This blog is\u00a0all in good fun.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thank you and carry on wit\u2019 yer bad selves.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

While New York City in general is pretty wack, Central Park in particular has its own brand of cray-cray. First off, I\u2019m pretty darn sure that the smell?\u00a0 The pee smell that permeates the entire city??!\u00a0 Originates in Central Park. Which means the whole time you\u2019re there, you\u2019re wondering what exactly happened before you got […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[84,85,88,87,89,86],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3335"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3335"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3335\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3342,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3335\/revisions\/3342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}