{"id":3285,"date":"2014-05-20T15:56:27","date_gmt":"2014-05-20T21:56:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3285"},"modified":"2014-05-20T15:56:27","modified_gmt":"2014-05-20T21:56:27","slug":"theres-a-fungus-amongus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3285","title":{"rendered":"There’s a Fungus Amongus"},"content":{"rendered":"

When you hug your son, and he smells like the dog after it’s\u00a0just expressed its\u00a0own anal glands, you know something\u2019s up.<\/span><\/p>\n

And when the son in question says that he has that SAME smell “stuck in his nose” and it won\u2019t go away?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s clue #2.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, when the principal of the son\u2019s school approaches you at a parent\u00a0brunch you\u2019re hosting to tell you that your son had to leave a school function to go to the nurse\u2019s office because there was\u00a0pus flowing outta his ear, that should be third time\u2019s a charm, my friends.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And you should clue the frick in, already.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Because ev<\/span>erything I\u2019ve mentioned is a SIGN that your son is literally sick in the head \u2013 specifically in the ear-ish region.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And that you\u2019ve done absolutely NOTHING about it but sit around wondering what that smell was.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The phone call that starts with, \u201cHey, Doc!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Remember that ear culture we took\u2026.ohhhh\u20265 weeks ago?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We should probably check it again for signs of dirty fish tank disease, because I think Sea Monkeys are now living in Sonny\u2019s ear and pooping everywhere,\u201d really gets the ball rolling.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And?<\/span>\u00a0 Turns out th<\/span>ere\u2019s a fungus amongus.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Which one has a fungus?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sonny, of course.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>In his ear.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And no wonder why he\u2019s been wheezing and coughing all spring.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He\u2019s allergic to his own self.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His fungus has gone systemic and is floating around his body.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

A quick trip to the doctor\u2019s office in which we got to the bottom <\/span>heh, heh, heh<\/span><\/em> of the\u00a0mysterious smell\u00a0also allowed Sonny to get all of the \u201cvanilla pudding\u201d scooped out of his ear while I watched on the Jumbotron.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That was the second\u00a0most fun moment of the whole thing.\u00a0 Otherwise it’s just been a smelly, painful, expensive mess.<\/span>\u00a0 The first most fun moment\u00a0was when I asked Hubby to\u00a0hop up in the chair and get HIS ears scooped out after Sonny was all done.\u00a0 Because for some reason Hubby can’t hear me when I ask him to do stuff around the house.\u00a0 The doctor said that there wasn’t gonna be anything\u00a0IN Hubby’s ears; He just can’t hear me because it’s “a gender thing.”\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/span>Mystery solved there as well.\u00a0 Awwww – wasn’t that fun?!?\u00a0 So fun.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/em> <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m keeping the doctor\u2019s office visit – and\u00a0that \u201chigh\u201d I got when ALL the mysteries were solved –\u00a0in mind as I run around town looking for jock itch\u00a0cream (but in liquid form which is completely impossible to find) because I’ll have to start\u00a0squirting it into my son\u2019s ear for the next 10 days.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And the folks at the pharmacy must think Sonny\u2019s got a…er…bizarre manparts infection to beat the band, what with the 7-day diflucan prescription he\u2019s got comin\u2019 his way.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Not really sure why I\u2019m telling you any of this.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Other than to further underscore the point I\u2019ve been making all along.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Which is that little boys aren\u2019t really human.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They are mostly monkeys.<\/span>\u00a0 Who leave you wondering what exactly they’ve been putting in their ears to give themselves a fungus infection in there.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>My vote is for\u00a0all the goofing around with the baseball cup and\u00a0answering it like a telephone (<\/em>Yeah, he’s right here.\u00a0 It’s for you!) that may have gotten fungus in places where fungus shouldn’t be.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 But who really knows with monkeys.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And before we leave here today, I wanted to mention that I’m a helper (and a do-er, but that’s another blog).\u00a0 And <\/span>because I\u2019m a helper, I\u2019m gonna help you here with a word to the wise:\u00a0<\/span>If your son\u2019s ear smells like a$$, <\/span>totally check into it\u2026\u2018kay?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When you hug your son, and he smells like the dog after it’s\u00a0just expressed its\u00a0own anal glands, you know something\u2019s up. And when the son in question says that he has that SAME smell “stuck in his nose” and it won\u2019t go away?\u00a0 That\u2019s clue #2. Finally, when the principal of the son\u2019s school approaches […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3285"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3298,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285\/revisions\/3298"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3285"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3285"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3285"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}