{"id":3275,"date":"2014-05-17T11:18:31","date_gmt":"2014-05-17T17:18:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3275"},"modified":"2014-05-17T11:19:22","modified_gmt":"2014-05-17T17:19:22","slug":"bizarre-with-a-capital-b","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3275","title":{"rendered":"Bizarre with a capital B"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m not 100% sure why bizarre stuff happens to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But it does.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Take, for example, this morning.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I was halfway through my Saturday 10k on the treadmill in the basement.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sonny comes to the top of the stairs wrapped in a blanket with his p.j. pants sticking out from underneath, \u201cMom,\u00a0<\/span>Mom!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Someone\u2019s at the door.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I too would be embarrassed to open the door wrapped in a blanket, so I trudge upstairs to relieve Sonny of door duty.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I swing wide the door and I SWEAR to you, Mr. Clean is standing on my front porch holding a clipboard.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

On closer inspection, the guy is just as bald AS, but slightly smaller THAN, Mr. Clean (and I\u2019m pretty sure I could take him in a hipcheck contest).<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He\u2019s not wearing the signature earring (left is right, right is wrong) and he\u2019s not dressed in the slenderizing, color-blocked white.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ok, pretty darn close, but not Mr. Clean after all.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>He confirms it by saying in a Russian accent, \u201cHello.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I am Marco.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I here from Lifetime Fitness.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I say, \u201cUh\u2026Hi, Marco.\u201d\u00a0 I’m clearly\u00a0puzzled and am\u00a0<\/span>almost convincing myself that Lifetime Fitness is now making random house calls to see if citizens are working out the way they should be. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He states again, \u201cI here!\u201d and spreads one hand wide like a magician would.<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cYes, y<\/span>ou are.<\/span>\u00a0 Can\u00a0<\/span>I help you?\u201d <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

However, Mr. Clean Marco is stunned into silence as he takes in the fact that I am CLEARLY a sweaty mess and smell like Stank Ho Day Three.<\/span>\u00a0 Seriously stunned.\u00a0 <\/span>All he can do is point from my once-white-now-dingy-gray headband worn John McEnroe style, past the sweat-bib-staining-my-shirt-almost-to-my-bellybutton, all the way down to my loosely tied running shoes.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s fine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Look your fill.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>All that and a bag of chips, right, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0<\/em> <\/span>Besides, this moment which has been brought to you by the Sound Of Silence\u00a0has afforded me the opportunity to glance down at his clipboard and see that my next-door neighbor\u2019s information is written on it.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I reply to his non-verbal cues by saying, \u201cYes, Marco.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m already working out and I don\u2019t need your help.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They need you more next door.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And I point to his clipboard.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He turns it up, glances at it, then exclaims, \u201cSorry, sorry!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Me so sorry.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, yeah.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You soooo sorry, Marco.<\/span>\u00a0 Either way, h<\/span>ead out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s not even 10 a.m. and I\u2019m already over it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/em>Because once again, this has been bee-zarrr with\u2026how do you say?…a Cabeedull Bee.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m not 100% sure why bizarre stuff happens to me.\u00a0 But it does.\u00a0 Take, for example, this morning.\u00a0 I was halfway through my Saturday 10k on the treadmill in the basement.\u00a0 Sonny comes to the top of the stairs wrapped in a blanket with his p.j. pants sticking out from underneath, \u201cMom,\u00a0Mom!\u00a0 Someone\u2019s at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[65,60,63,62,61,64],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3275"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3284,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275\/revisions\/3284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3275"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3275"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3275"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}