{"id":3204,"date":"2014-05-06T09:37:47","date_gmt":"2014-05-06T15:37:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3204"},"modified":"2014-05-06T09:37:47","modified_gmt":"2014-05-06T15:37:47","slug":"take-me-out-to-the-softball-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3204","title":{"rendered":"Take me out to the softball game!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh, goodygoodygoody!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s softball season time again!!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yippee!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t get enough of dramatic enactments performed by 6<\/span>th<\/span><\/sup> grade girls, so that\u2019s where my daughter\u2019s softball team comes in; It\u2019s the perfect forum in which to get my fill.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Yay, softball!!<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Also?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s mucho, mucho accidental hi-jinx, so there\u2019s that as well.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Good times all the way around.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But first?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A word to the wise: eye black runs.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So if you think you\u2019re intimidating your opponent by wearing eyeblack, then don\u2019t start crying halfway through the game, because then you just look like a sweaty clown wearing really bad mascara.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And I KNOW that they\u2019re only 11-and-12-year-olds\u00a0<\/span>trying to find themselves, but most of these lil\u2019 cuties (did you know that they have a pony-tail \u201cchannel\u201d built inside the hot pink batting helmets?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Love it!) could win BIG awards if they ever went into acting.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Consider this one-girl-play performed at the last softball tournament I witnessed.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A girl on the opposing team was bustin\u2019 to first base, when the ball that she JUST BATTED hit her in the leg.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or it could have been an accidental underthrow from the catcher.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Who\u2019s to say, really?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because that\u2019s the nature of The Three Stooges, Softball Version.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em>The\u00a0<\/span>girl goes DOWN\u00a0like she just stepped on a landmine.<\/span>\u00a0 Then\u00a0<\/span>she starts marine crawling to first base, all the while dragging her lifeless legs behind her.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m comin\u2019, Sarge.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m gonna make it!<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Uh.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Ok.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But you\u2019re still out.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because while you were doing Full Metal Jacket Saves Private Ryan, the first baseman who happens to be my daughter, picked up the ball and tagged you, then tagged the base, then walked back and tagged you again for good measure.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>So thanks for playing.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And let\u2019s not forget the\u00a0part of the softball shenanigans where one of the other mothers on the softball team confided to me years ago \u2013 when that Showtime series, Weeds, was still airing \u2013 that she thought I looked just like the lead actress.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>(The lead actress is Mary-Louise Parker.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And yes, I look JUST like her\u2026if you live in BIZARRO WORLD!!)<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, in the show, Ms. Parker is a pot dealer.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>[This is more of a viable career opportunity than one might think, especially here in Colorado.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But I\u2019m not one.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And that\u2019s really where my resemblance to Mary-Louise ends \u2013 she\u2019s got a high-paying job any way you slice it,\u00a0I don\u2019t.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Stink eye, stink eye<\/span><\/a><\/em>.]<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But\u00a0naturally, every time I see this other mother, I have to offer to sell her pot.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Then we laugh uproariously while the other mothers look at us aghast.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But also like they might want to buy some.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Right now.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Before the next game starts.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Now!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>IT\u2019S STARTING!!!<\/span>\u00a0 SELL<\/span>. ME. THE POT…NOW!!!!!\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Awwww, softball!<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s not to love?!?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, goodygoodygoody!\u00a0 It\u2019s softball season time again!! Yippee!\u00a0 I can\u2019t get enough of dramatic enactments performed by 6th grade girls, so that\u2019s where my daughter\u2019s softball team comes in; It\u2019s the perfect forum in which to get my fill.\u00a0 Yay, softball!!\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 There\u2019s mucho, mucho accidental hi-jinx, so there\u2019s that as well.\u00a0 Good times all […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[33,28,31,30,32,27,26,29],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3204"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3204"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3204\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3212,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3204\/revisions\/3212"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}