{"id":3013,"date":"2014-04-07T14:39:25","date_gmt":"2014-04-07T20:39:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3013"},"modified":"2014-04-07T14:39:25","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T20:39:25","slug":"shake-it-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3013","title":{"rendered":"Shake it up"},"content":{"rendered":"

Make a scene
\nLet them know what you really mean
\nAnd dance all night, keep the beat
\nAnd don’t you worry ’bout two left feet\u2026<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Why yes, those are the lyrics to that 1981 song by the Cars titled \u201cShake It Up\u201d from their album of the same name.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Is it in your head yet?!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Cause it\u2019s in mine.\u00a0 And I wanted to share the wealth.\u00a0 I\u2019m nice like that.\u00a0 A true giver, really.<\/span><\/p>\n

Also?\u00a0 You have been SCHOOLED, Son!\u00a0 You have been SCHOOLED in this \u201c80\u2019s song for every moment in life\u201d game that we play.\u00a0 I have SCHOOLED you; and you have been SCHOOLED!<\/span><\/p>\n

But where I was really going with all of this is that I have GOT to tell you about the most bizarre business-y behavior I have ever witnessed.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I was at a fundraising event.\u00a0 It was at an outdoors walk-a-thon being held in a park adjacent to a kiddie amusement area (complete with rides, snacks, birthday parties blah, blah, blah).\u00a0 And when the walk was over, I spotted a man standing in the crowd whose right hand was covered with a plastic bag.\u00a0 He was chatting to people.\u00a0 AND PEOPLE WERE SHAKING HIS HAND!\u00a0 WHICH WAS COVERED BY A PLASTIC BAG!!<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As I eventually understood it \u2013 when he had arrived at the walk, he had seen cotton candy for sale at the amusement area and had gotten a bag of it.\u00a0 A grown man, eating a whole bag of cotton candy in the 88-degree heat in sunny Phoenix, AZ during a fundraising walk, subsequently came down with a severe case of\u00a0Sticky Hand Syndrome.\u00a0 So\u00a0to protect everyone in the vicinity from inadvertently shaking his sticky hand, he then covered it with the empty cotton candy bag when he was done.<\/span><\/p>\n

BUT PEOPLE SHOOK HIS STICKY, PLASTIC-BAG COVERED HAND ANYWAY!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

Did I mention that already?\u00a0 Seems like I may have.\u00a0 In which case:\u00a0 What.\u00a0The.\u00a0Hell!?!<\/span><\/p>\n

That was full-on wack, and I can\u2019t figure out why people would be shaking the hand\u2026of a man\u2026whose hand\u2026was covered with a plastic bag\u2026and was clearly OFF-LIMITS\u2026for shaking!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

But I have some theories, none of which make any sense:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Did people think the man had a painful medical condition being protected by the bag?\u00a0 Uh\u2026then why are you SHAKING THE HAND of a man WITH A PAINFUL MEDICAL CONDITION!!\u00a0 On his HAND?!?\u00a0 \u00a0<\/em><\/li>\n
  2. Or perhaps these people thought he had a communicable disease and was pioneering some inexpensive \u201chand rubber\u201d concept??\u00a0 In which case, you deserve whatever Scabies you get, ya moron!<\/em><\/li>\n
  3. Conversely, perhaps HE could have been trying not to catch whatever OTHERS had on their hand.\u00a0 Because Godonlyknowswhereyourhandhasbeen!<\/em><\/li>\n
  4. Was Bag Man playing the part of Curley in \u201cOf Mice and Men\u201d and was taking the glove-full-of-vaseline, keeping-his-hand-soft-for-his-wife character flaw a bit too seriously?!?\u00a0 Ewwww!\u00a0 You\u2019re completely gross!\u00a0 Either way, WHY ARE YOU SHAKING THAT SOFT LITTLE HAND?!!<\/em><\/li>\n
  5. Maybe some folks thought he had just had a hand transplant?\u00a0 And they wanted to show him how cool and accepting they were of his new hand??\u00a0 Come ON!\u00a0 THINK ABOUT IT!!\u00a0 If he had just had a hand transplant, the last place he would be, would be a fundraising walk!\u00a0 With his new hand protected by nothing more than a crappy plastic bag with COTTON CANDY CALORIE INFORMATION clearly printed on it!\u00a0 <\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    And quite frankly, I don\u2019t really care WHAT you were thinking when you shook the hand-in-the-bag.\u00a0 It was weird.\u00a0 You are weird.\u00a0 Always, ALWAYS think before you shake.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Speaking of which\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

    Shake it up oo-oo
    \nShake it up oo-yeah
    \nShake it up oo-oo<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

    [how \u2018bout now?!]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Make a scene Let them know what you really mean And dance all night, keep the beat And don’t you worry ’bout two left feet\u2026 Why yes, those are the lyrics to that 1981 song by the Cars titled \u201cShake It Up\u201d from their album of the same name.\u00a0 Is it in your head yet?! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3013"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3013"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3018,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3013\/revisions\/3018"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}