{"id":3006,"date":"2014-04-03T09:29:30","date_gmt":"2014-04-03T15:29:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3006"},"modified":"2014-04-03T09:29:30","modified_gmt":"2014-04-03T15:29:30","slug":"striptease","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=3006","title":{"rendered":"striptease"},"content":{"rendered":"

I start out the chiropractor appointment with, \u201cMy crochet elbow isn\u2019t getting better, Doc.\u00a0 It now connects from a spot in my neck, through to my shoulder-blade and all the way down to my elbow.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s because I hold my fingers like this when I crochet.\u201d [I\u2019m now pointing a left-handed finger gun at him.\u00a0 Cool, right?]<\/span><\/p>\n

He looks at me kinda puzzled [was it\u00a0that part about: the neckbone connects to the backbone, dem bones dem bones gonna walk around <\/em>that threw him off?] but then he says, \u201cActually I\u2019ve had truckers with this same problem.\u201d\u00a0 Oh?\u00a0 Do tell.<\/em>\u00a0 \u201cThey point their finger when they shift their rig.\u00a0 It causes an injury with the tendons on the front of the elbow which connect to the muscles of the forearm.\u00a0 Lie down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Then he proceeds to touch my boobs to see if they hurt too.\u00a0 KIDDING!\u00a0 Jeez, I was totally kidding!!<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n

But he does have me lie flat on a massage bed while he attaches some electrodes to my forearm.\u00a0 And I find out after he\u2019s left the room, and I\u2019m fixing my ponytail-made-uncomfortable-due-to-the-prone-position, that he\u00a0also stuck a piece of metal in my head.\u00a0 Stop surprising me like THAT with the acupuncture needles, already!!!<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n

When he comes back to check on me, I ask him what\u2019s up with the needle in my head?!\u00a0 And he explains that it\u2019s to tap into my relaxation centers.\u00a0 Uh\u2026weird much?<\/em>\u00a0 He mentions that this is the one treatment he does to his wife to relax her.\u00a0 Weirder and weirder.\u00a0 <\/em>When I ask if he does it without her knowledge too, he just looks down at me with a lopsided grin and extends his arm like an olde tyme gent requesting a stroll.\u00a0 Weird Level One-thousand-and-one!<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After he helps me up, we go into the treatment room and he proceeds to strip my elbow tendons.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

MO*%^$ FU#^&*!!!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you remember that time when you were two weeks overdue with your 9 \u00bd pound firstborn?\u00a0 Mommy wants to meet you.\u00a0 So\u2026GET. OUT.\u00a0 ALREADY!!!\u00a0 <\/em>And the OB\/GYN \u201cstripped your membranes\u201d to encourage labor??\u00a0 Yeah, remember that?!?\u00a0 And then you kicked her teeth out because of the exponential pain factor??!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah.\u00a0 It was just like that.\u00a0 \u2018Cept in this instance I woulda PUNCHED the doctor\u2019s teeth out if he hadn\u2019tuv been holding on to my punching device with a firm grip while PRESSING<\/em> all of the very SOREST<\/em> spots.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gaaaah!\u00a0 GAAAAH!!!! Can\u2019t.\u00a0 Take.\u00a0 Much…more\u2026\u2026<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

And then it\u2019s over.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I come out of the office to find that someone has rear-ended my car in the parking lot and pushed it a good three feet, I\u2019m surprisingly calm about the whole thing.\u00a0 And my arm feels amazeballs!!<\/span><\/p>\n

Huh.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe there is something to that metal-in-the-head approach, afterall.\u00a0 In fact, I now recommend it to everyone.\u00a0 Barkeep: a round of head metal for allll my friends!!!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I start out the chiropractor appointment with, \u201cMy crochet elbow isn\u2019t getting better, Doc.\u00a0 It now connects from a spot in my neck, through to my shoulder-blade and all the way down to my elbow.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s because I hold my fingers like this when I crochet.\u201d [I\u2019m now pointing a left-handed finger gun […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3006"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3012,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006\/revisions\/3012"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}