{"id":2914,"date":"2014-03-25T15:42:16","date_gmt":"2014-03-25T21:42:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2914"},"modified":"2014-03-25T15:42:16","modified_gmt":"2014-03-25T21:42:16","slug":"arsenic-and-old-lace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2914","title":{"rendered":"Arsenic and Old Lace*"},"content":{"rendered":"

Quick question\u2026can you tell what this is? \"\"<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

No??<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll give you a hint.\u00a0 It\u2019s a science project my daughter had to do over Spring Break.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t that super fun?!\u00a0 And by super fun I mean the worst plan the science teacher ever had: to make the science project due the day the children return from Spring Break.\u00a0 Which means you have to spend your Spring Break DOING the science project.\u00a0 Geesh.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll give you another hint.\u00a0 Sissy is studying the Periodic Table of Elements in Sixth Grade Science.\u00a0 This just gets better and better, doesn\u2019t it?<\/em>\u00a0 And she thought it would be a fun idea (and by fun idea I mean she now understands it was a terrible idea) to choose something from the Periodic Table with an atomic number of 33 as the subject of her project.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ding, ding, ding!<\/em>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!!\u00a0 This is indeed a model of ARSENIC!\u00a0 Ten points to the science-y nerds on\u00a0my right.\u00a0 And you know what Arsenic has?\u00a0 THIRTY THREE PROTONS. \u00a0THIRTY THREE ELECTRONS.\u00a0 AND FORTY TWO NEUTRONS!!!\u00a0 YAY, ARSENIC!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You see what I mean now about this being so much fun, right?\u00a0 So much FRICKIN\u2019 fun!\u00a0 Woo-hoo for science teachers and spring break.\u00a0 WOOO HOOOO!!!\u00a0 And pay no attention to that smudge on the screen right there –>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <–\u00a0<\/em>That\u2019s from my tears.\u00a0 Or it could be some brainfluid that dribbled off my chin when the whole top of my head sheared off.\u00a0 Because you know what you have to do with all these protons and neutrons and so forth??\u00a0 You have to create a true-to-life MODEL of your chosen atom, complete with fifty gatrillon pompoms-in-different-colors representing all of those BLEEPIN\u2019 protonselectronsneutrons.\u00a0 All suspended somehow in mid-air using nothing but the power of your mind and a really BIG sense of disbelief.\u00a0 And it helps if you squint one eye completely shut.\u00a0 And have silver floral wire.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019m not one to propose or condone violence.\u00a0 But as a special \u201cthank you\u201d to the teacher for completely botching our Spring Break (and for making me cry and lose some much-needed brain fluid\u2026and the entire top of my head), do you think she\u2019d notice if I slipped a little of this arsenic into her coffee next Monday morning?\u00a0 Or do you think the red mini pompoms hot glued to the floral wire sticking completely OUT of her coffee cup might clue her in to the fact that someone\u2019s tryin\u2019 to do her wrong??<\/span><\/p>\n

But thank God for small favors, because we did NOT have to include the Valence Electrons in the model.\u00a0 And how many Valence Electrons does Arsenic have anyway?\u00a0 Glad you asked.\u00a0 It has five.\u00a0 Wah-wah-waaaaah.\u00a0 <\/em>So that\u2019s why I would have LOVED to have included those.\u00a0 Extra Credit much?\u00a0 Besides,\u00a0really, what\u2019s five more pompoms when you\u2019ve already lost the entire part-of-your-head-that-has-hair-on-it\u00a0in this effort.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Either way, I hope I\u2026er\u2026SISSY gets an \u201cA.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u201cA\u201d as in ARSENIC!!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

*Today’s blog actually has NOTHING to do with that old Cary Grant movie “Arsenic and Old Lace.”\u00a0 Which is actually a funny movie.\u00a0 Even though it is in black and white.\u00a0 And has that actor with those googly eyes.\u00a0 But it was a catchy title, so I used it.\u00a0 If you have better ideas for titles for MY blog, you can just keep them to yourself.\u00a0 Because this is MY blog.\u00a0 Thanks for stoppin’ by.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Quick question\u2026can you tell what this is? No?? I\u2019ll give you a hint.\u00a0 It\u2019s a science project my daughter had to do over Spring Break.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that super fun?!\u00a0 And by super fun I mean the worst plan the science teacher ever had: to make the science project due the day the children return from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2914"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2926,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914\/revisions\/2926"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2914"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2914"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2914"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}