{"id":2765,"date":"2014-03-05T10:44:48","date_gmt":"2014-03-05T17:44:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2765"},"modified":"2014-03-05T10:52:27","modified_gmt":"2014-03-05T17:52:27","slug":"promises-promises","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2765","title":{"rendered":"promises, promises"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s tiiiiiIME!\u00a0 It\u2019s that time of year again to make your Lenten Promise.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

My Lenten Promise \u2013 to stop swearing \u2013 lasted for a grand total of 17 minutes this morning.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was a spider in the kitchen sink.\u00a0 %^&*ing spider!\u00a0 Just waiting\u2026waiting\u2026WAITING to ruin my Lenten Promise.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 The kitchen sink is ruined for me now too.\u00a0 I can\u2019t go near it or touch anything in it.\u00a0 Because I just KNOW,\u00a0despite the waterboarding and garbage disposal treatment I subjected the silver-dollar sized spider to this morning, it\u2019s waiting on the underside of that black rubbery sink hole protector.\u00a0 Waiting\u2026waiting\u2026WAITING!\u00a0\u00a0To once again ruin my Lenten Promise.\u00a0 #^*%ing spider!\u00a0 #$%^&*^#ING SPIDER!! <\/span><\/p>\n

To put my Lenten Promise in context, it\u2019s important to mention that I think fish wives have been unfairly maligned\u00a0through the ages.\u00a0\u00a0These original working mothers were STRESSED!\u00a0 They had to sell those BLEEPing fish without benefit of daycare!\u00a0 You kids CUT IT OUT!\u00a0 I\u2019M TRYING TO SELL THE BLEEPING FISH!!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So cut \u2018em some slack already.\u00a0 I have.\u00a0 In fact, I’ve made it my own personal mission to\u00a0retroactively provide equality and justice for them – by\u00a0swearing like a sailor.\u00a0 (Now the SAILORS?\u00a0\u00a0The sailors\u00a0deserve THEIR reputation.\u00a0 So screw ’em!\u00a0\u00a0And\u00a0I recognize, as an explanation, the fish-wife theory is lacking a bit.\u00a0 Just go with it.\u00a0 Otherwise, screw you too!) <\/span><\/p>\n

But periodically (ooooh\u2026say\u2026.every Lent or so), it occurs to me that I HAVE to clean up my mouth.\u00a0 I mean, what example am I setting for my children?!\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember my OWN mother swearing.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Much.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

(Hi Mom!\u00a0 Scared yet?\u00a0 But at least I’m not telling anyone about that thing, right?\u00a0 That thing from Tuesday you asked me not to tell anyone about.\u00a0 So that’s good.)\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Mostly, my mother would vent her anger by doing a Bruce-Banner-turning-into-the-Hulk sort of escalating growl.\u00a0 gggggggggggGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR<\/em>!!!!!\u00a0 [oftentimes accompanied with\u00a0clenched fists, raised about ear-level, shaking like a weightlifter\u00a0who can’t…quite…get the bar over his head]\u00a0 And in moments of extreme angst, she would tack on a \u201cSHUZBUT!\u201d at the end.\u00a0 Remember \u201cShuzbut\u201d from Mork from Ork?\u00a0 Yeah, that \u201cShuzbut.\u201d\u00a0 Embarrassing.<\/span><\/p>\n

And one time, she even called my brother a \u201chassle.\u201d\u00a0 He thought she called him an a$$hole.\u00a0 WE thought she called him an a$$hole.\u00a0 If it were up to ME, I<\/em> woulda called him an a$$hole.\u00a0 But we\u2019ve been over that already.\u00a0 I\u2019m cleaning up my act.\u00a0 And my mouth.\u00a0 Starting now.\u00a0 Spiders be damned!!\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Ok\u2026NOW!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s tiiiiiIME!\u00a0 It\u2019s that time of year again to make your Lenten Promise.\u00a0 My Lenten Promise \u2013 to stop swearing \u2013 lasted for a grand total of 17 minutes this morning. There was a spider in the kitchen sink.\u00a0 %^&*ing spider!\u00a0 Just waiting\u2026waiting\u2026WAITING to ruin my Lenten Promise.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 The kitchen sink is ruined for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2765"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2765"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2765\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2778,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2765\/revisions\/2778"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2765"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2765"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}