{"id":2739,"date":"2014-03-04T08:46:40","date_gmt":"2014-03-04T15:46:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2739"},"modified":"2014-03-04T08:46:40","modified_gmt":"2014-03-04T15:46:40","slug":"crochet-elbow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2739","title":{"rendered":"Crochet Elbow"},"content":{"rendered":"

I got me a bad case of Crochet Elbow.\u00a0 Which is very similar to Tennis Elbow.\u00a0 Except different, because the pain radiates up my arm and into my shoulderblade where it then connects via a thin band of pain all the way THROUGH my body to my collarbone.\u00a0 Fun, right?\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And where does one go for help when one has\u00a0Crochet Elbow\u00a0head, shoulders, knees and toes, kneesandtoes?\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Why to the chiropractor, of course.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Once I\u2019m lying down on the\u00a0treatment table, the chiropractor attaches electrodes to my shoulderblade and forearm.\u00a0 We\u2019re chit-chatting about tennis.\u00a0 It\u2019s CROCHET elbow, dammit!\u00a0 Enough with the tennis.<\/em>\u00a0 And he asks me to tell him \u201cwhen.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

At that point, the arm-with-the-electrodes\u00a0starts twitching and flopping like I\u2019m Teddy the Dog chasin\u2019 squirrels in my sleep\u00a0woof, woof!\u00a0 Uh\u2026.howzabout\u2026NOW, Doc?!?<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor\u00a0then does some other stuff, kinda surreptitious-like, at a table right beside my head.\u00a0\u00a0And while I can\u2019t exactly\u00a0see what\u00a0he\u2019s doing (since I\u2019m\u00a0totally prone\u00a0while my left arm conducts the symphony), I get the impression he\u2019s taking\u00a0incense sticks out of a wrapper and attaching them to me \u2013 one right at the top of my sweater, and the other near the crook of my arm.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hmmmmmm.\u00a0 Incense?\u00a0 I\u2019m not a huge fan of that new age-y stuff, but if this is somehow gonna\u00a0draw out the evil spirits* in my arm, then I\u2019m on board.\u00a0 Unless, of course, he LIT the incense sticks and now my clothes are in danger of catching fire??\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I’m not on board for THAT.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve got a busy day ahead and don\u2019t have time to go back home to change my top due to burn holes!\u00a0\u00a0So even though I don’t smell any tale-tell patchouli<\/span>,\u00a0when the doctor leaves the room, I glance down to see if there’s\u00a0el fuego.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m brought up short by the KNIFE sticking out of my CHEST!!!\u00a0 What the WHAT!\u00a0 Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat is THAT?!??!!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

My eyes SNAP back to the ceiling and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOk, that can\u2019t really be a KNIFE in my chest!\u00a0 And if there\u2019s a knife in my CHEST\u2026then what\u2019s in my ARM?!??\u201d\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sho\u2019 nuf.\u00a0 When I glance again, there\u2019s a knife in my ARM too!\u00a0 WHATwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatisTHAT?!??!<\/span><\/p>\n

Ok, settle down.\u00a0 Settle it.\u00a0\u00a0The doctor would NOT put knives in your chest and arm without making you sign a Knife Waiver of some sort.\u00a0 And since you didn\u2019t sign a waiver like that, those can\u2019t be knives.\u00a0 Just relax.\u00a0 Now look again.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0 Phew!\u00a0 Not knives.\u00a0 Nope on the knives.\u00a0 Just HUGE sewing machine needles.\u00a0 MASSIVE, really.\u00a0 The kind you might use in\u2026acupuncture.\u00a0 D’oh!\u00a0 That gave me a scare for a second.\u00a0 Knives.\u00a0 Huh.\u00a0 That was stupid.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

After electrodes and\u00a0acupuncture schmacupuncture – the\u00a0verdict is??\u00a0 A big, fat, NO.\u00a0 New age my A$$!\u00a0\u00a0My arm still hurts like a sumbitch and motrin and modern medicine call my name.\u00a0 In the meantime,\u00a0fair warning: if you thought you were going to be getting gender-specific crocheted leprechaun hats for St. Patrick\u2019s Day.\u00a0 You\u2019re not.\u00a0\u00a0 Please see \u201cCrochet Elbow” and\/or “evil spirits* in my arm”\u00a0description above.<\/span><\/p>\n

*Hi.\u00a0 Now, before\u00a0you get all up in arms (hee hee – see what I did there?\u00a0 Up in ARMS…about my ARM<\/em>?!?\u00a0 hee hee) I will state outright that I’m just joking about the evil spirits.\u00a0 Totally joking.\u00a0 Clearly there are no evil\u00a0spirits in my arm – this is actually\u00a0a punishment from God\u00a0for tacky\u00a0crochet.\u00a0\u00a0Joking.\u00a0 Still joking.\u00a0\u00a0We all know that I don’t make tacky crochet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I got me a bad case of Crochet Elbow.\u00a0 Which is very similar to Tennis Elbow.\u00a0 Except different, because the pain radiates up my arm and into my shoulderblade where it then connects via a thin band of pain all the way THROUGH my body to my collarbone.\u00a0 Fun, right?\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 And where does one […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2739"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2739"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2739\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2763,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2739\/revisions\/2763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2739"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2739"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2739"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}