{"id":2677,"date":"2014-02-24T16:34:09","date_gmt":"2014-02-24T23:34:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2677"},"modified":"2014-02-24T16:34:09","modified_gmt":"2014-02-24T23:34:09","slug":"olympic-closing-ceremony","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2677","title":{"rendered":"Olympic Closing Ceremony"},"content":{"rendered":"

These truths do I hold to be self-evident:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I don\u2019t cry \u201ccute.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. I\u2019m a sucker for a floral pattern.<\/li>\n
  3. And I love me some Olympic Closing Ceremonies.\u00a0 Correction:\u00a0 I love the IDEA of the Olympic Closing Ceremonies – with\u00a0the athletes parading\u00a0in wearing their hard-won\u00a0medals while the world looks on, proud and\u00a0briefly united-as-one while we applaud their efforts.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    But what ACTUALLY ends up happening?\u00a0 Could be described as a total Wack Fest.\u00a0 This in turn makes me completely annoyed that I spent time watching such ridiculousness.<\/span><\/p>\n

    In case you missed it, here\u2019s a brief overview of last night\u2019s Olympic Closing Ceremony:<\/span><\/p>\n

    There was a mime in a boat on some sort of journey.\u00a0 In the sky.\u00a0 The journey TO\u00a0where or FROM\u00a0where is unclear.\u00a0 \u2018Cause he\u2019s a mime.\u00a0 And didn\u2019t say a word.\u00a0 Shhhhh\u2026.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    The mime was accompanied on his journey by ghosts hanging from the rafters of the arena, while below this nonsense, people dressed in glittery garbage bags portrayed the raging sea.\u00a0 Until they formed themselves into the Olympic rings.\u00a0 Zoom in to the little underdeveloped ring.\u00a0 Remember that from the OPENING ceremony?\u00a0 That little snowflake that didn\u2019t change into a ring at the right time?\u00a0 Well they were recreating the moment.\u00a0 Ha ha ha!<\/em>\u00a0 Those Russians sure do have a sense of humor; Poking fun at their\u00a0lighting failures.\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t we all have a great laugh about that?\u00a0 It\u2019s like our own private, worldwide Olympic joke.\u00a0 Zoom in to Putin’s face.\u00a0 He WANTED to smile, but his face just doesn\u2019t work that way.\u00a0 Also?\u00a0 It\u2019s too bad all those people in that cluster-bomb ring were dead by morning.\u00a0 [Kidding.\u00a0 Totally kidding.]<\/span><\/p>\n

    I won\u2019t even mention the upside-down-Chagall Town that came out after the mime-in-the-boat disappeared.\u00a0 Nope, not gonna do it.\u00a0 WAY WACK!<\/em>\u00a0 But what I WILL mention is that\u00a0the Korean-skater-turned-Russian-skater who was chosen to raise\u00a0the Russian flag during the ceremony didn\u2019t know any of the words to the Russian National Anthem and so just stood there stone-faced while the youth of that country, accompanied by the elite athletes of that country, sang.\u00a0 And sang.\u00a0 And sang.\u00a0 How long\u00a0IS their anthem, anyway?<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0While the Korean-turned-Russian dude just tried to avoid catching Putin\u2019s eye.\u00a0 Awkies!\u00a0 [I hope he doesn\u2019t die either for not showing the proper respect to Mother Russia.\u00a0 Again, kidding.]<\/span><\/p>\n

    Now let\u2019s turn our sites to the Parade of Nations.\u00a0 The chicks who escorted the athletes in to the arena looked like they were wearing white trench coats and had gotten their wrought iron head-gear at the Hobby Lobby 50% off wrought iron head-gear sale.\u00a0 And while their outfits were horrible, I think we can all agree that the U.S. outfits were a gazillion times worse.\u00a0 It looked like they were wearing once-white, droopy-in-all-the-wrong places\u00a0long underwear down below.\u00a0 Up top they had on some pea coat sweater scenario that made these elite athletes look like they had all\u00a0gained fifty pounds since we just saw them on the giant slalom.\u00a0 In a nutshell, most of the athletes got the memo it was dress-down Sunday and showed up\u00a0wearing jeans and a team jacket.\u00a0 The U.S. athletes?\u00a0\u00a0Didn’t get said memo and ended up wearing some seriously unflattering crap. \u00a0\u00a0Lauren!\u00a0 Mr. Ralph Lauren!\u00a0 Please pick up the white courtesy phone.\u00a0 There\u2019s an urgent message for you.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    17 days.\u00a0 2,800 medals.\u00a0 And now?\u00a0 Now it\u2019s time to dance!\u00a0 And the whole thing slides quickly off the mountainside and becomes a bad dance party shot from a bunch of terrible camera angles.\u00a0 There was some mayoral, exchange-of-Olympic-power formalities buried in there somewhere.\u00a0 And another Russian History-told-through-dance sequence.\u00a0 SUPER WACK!<\/em>\u00a0 But when the HUGE animatronic mascots begin to glide around the floor???<\/span><\/p>\n

    PEACE OUT!\u00a0 And note to self for NEXT time:\u00a0You don’t actually LIKE Olympic Closing Ceremonies.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    P.S.\u00a0 If they find my body floating in the river once this insightful blog on the Closing Ceremony for the Sochi\u00a0Winter Olympics has been published, Putin’s yer man.\u00a0 [Kidding.\u00a0 Still kidding.\u00a0 Hopefully.]<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    These truths do I hold to be self-evident: I don\u2019t cry \u201ccute.\u201d I\u2019m a sucker for a floral pattern. And I love me some Olympic Closing Ceremonies.\u00a0 Correction:\u00a0 I love the IDEA of the Olympic Closing Ceremonies – with\u00a0the athletes parading\u00a0in wearing their hard-won\u00a0medals while the world looks on, proud and\u00a0briefly united-as-one while we applaud […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2677"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2677"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2677\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2687,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2677\/revisions\/2687"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2677"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2677"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}