{"id":2598,"date":"2014-02-11T15:23:16","date_gmt":"2014-02-11T22:23:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2598"},"modified":"2014-02-11T18:57:09","modified_gmt":"2014-02-12T01:57:09","slug":"hot-cool-yours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2598","title":{"rendered":"Hot.Cool.Yours"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mine??\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You talkin\u2019 tuh me?\u00a0 You talkin\u2019 tuh ME<\/em>?!?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Cause if the Sochi Winter Olympics had really been \u201cmine,\u201d then the Team Figure Skating competition woulda\u00a0gone waaaaaay<\/em> different.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ida had all the teams board the ice at the same time and just Triple-Lutz away until the last three people were standing.\u00a0 Gold, Silver, Bronze.\u00a0 Done.<\/span><\/p>\n

Barring that, I was kinda hoping it would take on more of an \u201cAll Skate\u201d format from the roller skating parties of yore. <\/span><\/p>\n

Picture it:\u00a0 \u201cTainted Love\u201d is blaring from the loudspeakers.\u00a0 The disco ball is rotating full-speed and you\u2019re in your best designer jeans (or those borrowed from your older sister).\u00a0 And you’ve got the look.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019ve got the look I want to know better.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got the look that\u2019s altogether.\u00a0 Working.\u00a0 Playing.\u00a0 Day or night.\u00a0 Jordache has the look that\u2019s right.\u00a0 The Jordache Look*!<\/em>\u00a0 The whole gang\u00a0is whirling\u00a0past, counterclockwise.\u00a0 People break off from the pack in onesies and twosies to do some serious damage center rink by showcasing their mad skating skillzzz.\u00a0 Crouch low (as low as designer jeans will allow), then stretch your left leg straight while supporting it with both hands…GOLD!<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Instead?\u00a0 They just used the Team Figure Skating Competition as an excuse to award the Russians more gold medals.\u00a0 Annoying.\u00a0 And totally not my idea.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

MY\u00a0idea for\u00a0the\u00a0Russian figure skating team?\u00a0 Was to make Evgeni Plushenko get a new haircut BEFORE he got any more golds.\u00a0 Because, Evgeni?\u00a0 We\u2019re not doing that with our hair anymore.\u00a0 That zipper cut with the droopy feathers on either side that you smooth back with a HUGE comb (it’s green and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>says \u201cSitt\u2019n Pretty\u201d on the handle…what??\u00a0 Too much detail<\/em>?!) which you keep in the back pocket of your Jordache Jeans?\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 We\u2019re not doin\u2019 that.\u00a0 So stop.\u00a0 It detracts from all the medals around your neck.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m not so far gone in my altered the-Olympics-aren\u2019t-really-mine-even-though-they-say-they-are state of mind that I can\u2019t recognize a few good ideas when I see them.\u00a0\u00a0\u2018Cause I can.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Of which ideas do I speak?\u00a0 How\u2019s THAT for proper English?\u00a0 Boo-yah!\u00a0 Gold me up for THAT why dontcha?!\u00a0<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n

The idea the set designers\u00a0had to put all those\u00a0teams in glass fronted cubby-holes.\u00a0 I have to admit that I did like that part.\u00a0 But c<\/em>an you imagine the SMELL in there?!?<\/em>\u00a0 Not only was the\u00a0iceskating-<\/span><\/span>mimes-in-a-box concept\u00a0super fun,\u00a0no one even tried to escape from\u00a0their box\u00a0as mimes are wont to do.\u00a0\u00a0Also?\u00a0\u00a0Despite the\u00a0smelly cubbies being\u00a0only two inches away from each other, there were\u00a0no\u00a0International Incidents.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

So kudos,\u00a0Comrades, on those\u00a0good ideas.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*”Tainted Love” was originally recorded by Gloria Jones but made famous after being covered by Soft Cell in 1981.\u00a0 So there\u2019s that.\u00a0 But did you notice how I slipped in that part about the lyrics from the 80\u2019s Jordache COMMERCIAL?!?\u00a0 There\u2019s no end\u00a0to the fun we\u2019re having with this, is there?\u00a0 Because now we\u2019ve bumped it up a notch by adding COMMERCIALS to the \u201c80\u2019s song for every moment in life\u201d game which we\u2019re playing.\u00a0 Fun funsters from fun land in the fun house!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mine??\u00a0 You talkin\u2019 tuh me?\u00a0 You talkin\u2019 tuh ME?!? \u2018Cause if the Sochi Winter Olympics had really been \u201cmine,\u201d then the Team Figure Skating competition woulda\u00a0gone waaaaaay different. Ida had all the teams board the ice at the same time and just Triple-Lutz away until the last three people were standing.\u00a0 Gold, Silver, Bronze.\u00a0 Done. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2598"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2598"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2598\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2619,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2598\/revisions\/2619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2598"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2598"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2598"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}