{"id":2508,"date":"2014-01-28T17:25:23","date_gmt":"2014-01-29T00:25:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2508"},"modified":"2014-01-28T20:31:01","modified_gmt":"2014-01-29T03:31:01","slug":"all-aboard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2508","title":{"rendered":"All Aboard!"},"content":{"rendered":"

In honor of a recent trip to Cal-i-for-Nigh-Ay<\/span>, over the course of the next few blogs, I’ll be sharing\u00a0with you a some witty insights on the\u00a0airport experience.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Up first?\u00a0 United Airlines\u2019 boarding process:<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking a page out of Southwest\u2019s book, United has started using\u00a0Zone Signage to corral\u00a0passengers.\u00a0\u00a0Now, we know they\u2019ve been doing the Zone Thang for a good long while, but they just recently got hip to displaying\u00a0signage that allows people to line up in an orderly, anti-bar-room-brawl type fashion ALL while keeping the common areas\u00a0clear for people NOT flying on United.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Are you in Zone 3?\u00a0 Then you can begin to line up in the special place marked Zone 3.\u00a0 Hint: It\u2019s to the right of Zones 1 & 2 (which is where all of the escapees from the Island of Misfit toys line up) \u2013 and to the left of Zones 4 & 5 (this is the area reserved for the\u00a0hoi polloi* although everyone is careful not to actually SAY \u201cZones 4 & 5\u201d and \u201cred-headed step-children of airplane travel\u201d in the same sentence.\u00a0 But it\u2019s heavily implied\u00a0when the ticket agent makes an announcement every 3 minutes about how the folks in Zones 4 and 5 are basically S-O-L when it comes to overhead space and they should just check their chickens and summer sausage coolers now).<\/span><\/p>\n

And there you are.\u00a0 All safe and snug in Zone 3.\u00a0 But, shhhhh!\u00a0 Shhhhhh!!! \u00a0The show\u00a0is starting.\u00a0 Quiet, Everyone!\u00a0 QUIET!!\u00a0 You\u00a0don\u2019t want to miss the show!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

The boarding of Zones 1 & 2 could be considered\u00a0Performance Art.\u00a0 And anyone NOT in Zones 1 & 2 watches\u00a0in amazement as one-by-one the Escapees from Misfit Toy Island\u00a0shamble on board.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Well, well, well.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Who do we have here?\u00a0 It’s\u00a0Charlie-in-the-box who is trying to simultaneously conduct a phone conversation while putting his phone (which contains his electronic boarding pass) on to the ticket scanner.\u00a0 He\u00a0crouches\u00a0low like he\u2019s got a busted spring somewhere in the rear compartment.\u00a0 He\u2019s still saying, \u201cuh-huh\u2026yeah\u2026uh-huh\u201d\u00a0 And quick!<\/em> he slams the phone down over the red eye and\u00a0then pop!<\/em> he\u2019s right back on the call like nothing ever happened.\u00a0 But dagnabbit!<\/em> that didn\u2019t work.\u00a0\u00a0And the boarding agent\u2019s stern, \u201cSir, I\u2019m going to have to ask you to disconnect your call and focus on the boarding process,\u201d keeps the line moving.\u00a0 But that was fun while it lasted.<\/span><\/p>\n

And then there\u2019s that dude who\u2019s vaguely reminiscent of the cowboy-riding-an-ostrich, complete with hat and neck kerchief.\u00a0 A buzzing sound goes off and lights start to revolve when he scans his\u2026gasp!<\/em>…PAPER boarding pass.\u00a0 \u201cSir, we’re not boarding that Zone yet.\u00a0\u00a0Can I please ask you to step to the back of that line?\u201d\u00a0 Ack!\u00a0 Snagged, Cowboy!\u00a0 In front of\u00a0Zone 3 AND the hoi polloi.\u00a0 That was totes mcgotes awkward.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Eventually we get the spotted elephant who\u2019s carrying his OWN seatbelt expander and is announcing proudly that he has purchased an upgraded seat so as to not inconvenience others with his \u201cgirth.\u201d\u00a0 Ok, sir.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t judging you.\u00a0 Until you mentioned about the stuff we might be judging you on.\u00a0\u00a0And now?\u00a0 NOW some\u00a0might\u00a0be\u00a0judging you.\u00a0 Either way, keepitmovin’.\u00a0 Some of us want to get home this century, so keepitmovin’.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After the bird-who-swims-instead-of-flies and\u00a0the water-pistol-that-shoots-jelly get through Scan Tron Central, finally…FINALLY…they call Zone 3 and you board.\u00a0 You\u2019re thoroughly exhausted from watching the Performance Art.\u00a0 You\u2019re unsure, quite frankly, whether you paid too little for the show \u2013 or too much?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*Hoi Polloi?!?\u00a0 Ooooh, New Stay at Home Mom is bringin\u2019 her A game when it comes to describing her fellow air travelers, isn\u2019t she?!\u00a0 And no, she won\u2019t tell you what hoi polloi means.\u00a0 You\u2019ll have to look it up yourself.\u00a0 And\u00a0you\u2019ll remember it\u00a0far longer that way thankyouverymuch and you’re welcome!\u00a0\u00a0Because if she GIVES you the answer, you\u2019ll forget it by the time this is over.\u00a0 Wait.\u00a0 What?\u00a0 What was she talking about?!?\u00a0 Hottentot?\u00a0 Hottentot, I think.\u00a0 Yes, definitely Hottentot, which is any of the Khoisan languages spoken by the pastoral people of Namibia and South Africa.\u00a0 Phew!\u00a0 So glad we got that cleared up!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In honor of a recent trip to Cal-i-for-Nigh-Ay, over the course of the next few blogs, I’ll be sharing\u00a0with you a some witty insights on the\u00a0airport experience.\u00a0 Up first?\u00a0 United Airlines\u2019 boarding process: Taking a page out of Southwest\u2019s book, United has started using\u00a0Zone Signage to corral\u00a0passengers.\u00a0\u00a0Now, we know they\u2019ve been doing the Zone Thang […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2508"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2508"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2521,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2508\/revisions\/2521"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}