{"id":2286,"date":"2013-12-09T10:20:42","date_gmt":"2013-12-09T17:20:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2286"},"modified":"2013-12-09T10:20:42","modified_gmt":"2013-12-09T17:20:42","slug":"whaddya-have-a-hole-in-yer-head","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2286","title":{"rendered":"Whaddya have a hole in yer head?"},"content":{"rendered":"

To the Neighbor Man who may have thought I was giving you the finger this morning?\u00a0 I was not.<\/span><\/p>\n

As you know, it<\/span>\u2019s been a HIGH of 6\u1d52F here for the past MILLION days.\u00a0 (Ok, maybe not a MILLION.\u00a0 In reality, it\u2019s only been a week or so.\u00a0 Either way, I\u2019m now TOTALLY over Winter.\u00a0 Screw you, Winter!\u00a0 AND the horse you rode in on.<\/em>\u00a0 \u2018Cept it\u2019s not even Winter yet.\u00a0 In which case, don\u2019t even ride IN on yer horse, Winter, cuz yer not wanted \u2018round these parts.<\/em>)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As additional backstory \u2013 you need to understand that Sonny had eartube surgery a few days ago.\u00a0 And has a couple of wide open holes in his head.\u00a0 AND?\u00a0 He was on dog walking duty this morning with the temperature reading a cheery -2\u1d52F.\u00a0 (Don\u2019t miss that little symbol before the two.\u00a0 It\u2019s a MINUS sign.\u00a0 I\u2019m no good at math, but I do know that much.\u00a0 And that \u2018F\u2019 AFTER the two?\u00a0 That stands for EFFING\u00a0minus sign.)\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So, being the good mother I am (Oh?\u00a0 You\u00a0have something to say about my \u2018good mother\u2019 comment??\u00a0 Well you can just zip it.\u00a0 ZIP.\u00a0 IT!\u00a0 \u2018Cause it\u2019s not about you.\u00a0 It\u2019s about me.\u00a0 So, back to me\u2026) I offered to walk the dog\u00a0instead of having Sonny walk the dog\u00a0and risk getting that effing minus sign into the holes in his head.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And what started out as a nice little walk with the dog became a clusterbomb of massive proportions.\u00a0 I won\u2019t go into too much detail here, other than to say my brilliant idea of bringing a hot cup of coffee with me wasn\u2019t so brilliant.\u00a0 Talk about a hole-in-the-head plan.\u00a0\u00a0The coffee\u00a0ended up not being that hot about ONE minute into the walk.\u00a0 Not only was it not hot,\u00a0it became a\u00a0HUGE pain in the A$$, especially after I had to carry the dog for a bit because he got scared (of the way the sunlight cast half the street in shadow), slipped his collar and bolted the other way – with me running down the street after him, desperately offering rides in cars to good boys who COME!\u00a0 And sloshing coffee everywhere.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I finally set the dog down after the carrying portion of the walk, he did a HUGE (mushy), steaming dump in the snow.\u00a0 GAACK!!<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And it was right-about that time — as I\u2019m bobbling fogged-up sunglasses, coffee cup, dog leash and steaming poop bag (I mean, seriously, it looked like I had an active locomotive in there!) — that I realize the fingers\u00a0of my right-hand-that-had-cold-coffee-sloshed-all-over-it-during-the-chasing-portion-of-the-walk are freezing.\u00a0 In-imminent-danger-of-frostbite FREEZING!\u00a0 (Effing minus sign.\u00a0 Effing coffee cup idea.) <\/span><\/p>\n

So, for the rest of the walk, it became a game of pulling my freezing fingers one-at-a-time into the dry warmth of the palm-area of the glove:\u00a0 Now-warm Pointer Finger gets sent back out into the cold and Freezing Middle Finger takes its place.\u00a0 Just as it was Middle Finger\u2019s turn in the warm hidey-hole, Neighbor Man drove by.\u00a0 And honked.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

The way the glove’s fingerless middle finger\u00a0was threaded through the handle of the now-mostly empty coffee cup (effing coffee cup idea) made it extra sticky-uppy.\u00a0 So when\u00a0I raised my hand to\u00a0acknowledge the honk —\u00a0instead of looking like a friendly wave, it looked\u00a0like\u00a0a\u00a0demented toast-to-your-health\/eff-you sort of move.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well…Cheers!!\u00a0 \u00a0Stay warm!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To the Neighbor Man who may have thought I was giving you the finger this morning?\u00a0 I was not. As you know, it\u2019s been a HIGH of 6\u1d52F here for the past MILLION days.\u00a0 (Ok, maybe not a MILLION.\u00a0 In reality, it\u2019s only been a week or so.\u00a0 Either way, I\u2019m now TOTALLY over Winter.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2286"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2286"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2286\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2298,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2286\/revisions\/2298"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2286"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2286"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2286"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}