{"id":2241,"date":"2013-12-02T13:13:24","date_gmt":"2013-12-02T20:13:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2241"},"modified":"2013-12-02T13:13:24","modified_gmt":"2013-12-02T20:13:24","slug":"taken-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2241","title":{"rendered":"Taken Two"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you seen this movie?\u00a0 I only ask because I just saw it this week-end.\u00a0 And it\u2019s my worst nightmare come true.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In this movie, the girl\u2019s parents are taken by Serbian revolutionaries.\u00a0 Blah, blah, blah \u2013 the details aren\u2019t important; What\u2019s important is that in order to save them, she has to do\u2026MATH!<\/span><\/p>\n

Are you FREAKIN\u2019 kidding me?!?!\u00a0 To have to SAVE people you LOVE using MATH???\u00a0 Like I said: Worst.\u00a0 Nightmare.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

After her ex-CIA agent father has been strung up and chained to a pipe in a basement somewhere in Istanbul, he places a call to the girl (where she\u2019s hiding in a closet) from his impossibly-tiny-phone-hidden-in-a-boot.<\/span><\/p>\n

He tells her to get out a map.\u00a0 And then instructs her on how to jerry-rig a protractor out of a shoelace and a sharpie.\u00a0 Whaaaat?\u00a0 What the hell?!? <\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But it doesn\u2019t stop there.\u00a0 She then has to protract the HECK out of the map, measuring\u00a0the shoelace to varying lengths\u00a0and creating Venn diagrams.\u00a0 This part might SEEM like\u00a0total bs, but actually,\u00a0Venn diagrams are pretty fun.\u00a0 Venn there, done that.\u00a0 Hee hee hee. <\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

At some point she has to tell direction.\u00a0 In Istanbul.\u00a0 From a hotel room window.\u00a0 Yeah, right.<\/em>\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure my trick of holding up my thumb and forefinger to see which hand spells the letter \u201cL\u201d is not going to tell me which way EAST is.\u00a0 In Istanbul.\u00a0 From a hotel room window.<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Because once she\u00a0figures out which way EAST is, she has to then throw a grenade on the rooftop that\u2019s east of the hotel.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ok.\u00a0 Now THROWING?\u00a0 Come on.\u00a0 <\/em><\/span><\/span>If I\u00a0<\/em>had to throw a live grenade \u2013 (\u201cLet me hear you count to three before you do it, Sweetheart,\u201d says the disembodied dad-voice on the other end of the line) Counting?\u00a0 You\u2019re really adding COUNTING to the mix?!?<\/em> \u2013 that would pretty much be the end of the conversation\u00a0right there.\u00a0 Because I\u2019d get so wild with my throw that instead of sailing out of the open balcony door, the grenade would hit the door jamb and ricochet back into the room.\u00a0 For those who have seen me throw-like-a-girl, this is a distinct possibility.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So.\u00a0 Given all of this, Mom & Dad, please, please, please don\u2019t get kidnapped in Istanbul.\u00a0 Because if I then had to save you using protractors, directional cues and throwing?\u00a0 (Oh, and let\u2019s not forget counting.\u00a0 But WHY counting??\u00a0 That\u2019s just rubbing it in.)\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I\u2019d be able to do it.\u00a0 Not that I wouldn\u2019t WANT to.\u00a0 I just literally COULDN\u2019T.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In which case the phone call from the tiny, boot-phone would go WAY differently than it did in the movie, \u201cOh, hi, Dad.\u00a0 Thanks for calling.\u00a0 Hi to Mom too.\u00a0 Love you both!\u00a0 But we should probably just say good-bye now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you seen this movie?\u00a0 I only ask because I just saw it this week-end.\u00a0 And it\u2019s my worst nightmare come true.\u00a0 In this movie, the girl\u2019s parents are taken by Serbian revolutionaries.\u00a0 Blah, blah, blah \u2013 the details aren\u2019t important; What\u2019s important is that in order to save them, she has to do\u2026MATH! Are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2241"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2250,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241\/revisions\/2250"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}