I find it\u2019s always best to define a phrase before I use it in general conversation.\u00a0 This works particularly well with my kids.\u00a0 I learned this lesson the first time I let them go down a snowy hill in a sled by themselves.<\/p>\n
They were little \u2013 maybe 2 and 3 years old – and I made it very clear to them that if they heard me yelling \u201cBAIL!\u201d they were to immediately fall off the sled.<\/p>\n
As they started down the hill, gathering speed, they veered left so that they were headed straight at the one tree in the whole place.\u00a0 At which point I started to run in slow-motion while screaming, \u201cBail!\u00a0 BAIL!!!\u00a0 BAAAAAAAILLLLLLL!!!!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n They missed the tree by inches and when I arrived at the bottom of the hill in tears with snot frozen all over my face, I asked (ok, yes, in a yell-y sort of way if you must know) why they hadn\u2019t bailed when I told them to.<\/p>\n \u201cWe don\u2019t know what \u2018bail\u2019 is,\u201d was the reply from their pink-cheeked, big-eyed puzzled faces.\u00a0 They were having FUN!\u00a0 What was Mom so worked up about anyway?!?<\/p>\n Ohhh, Most Honorable Sensei.\u00a0 This Grasshopper has now learned to DEFINE phrases before sending others plummeting towards certain head injury and broken bones.<\/p>\n So.\u00a0 Before we get started here, do you know what a \u2018pet peeve\u2019 is?<\/p>\n No, I\u2019m not talking about the \u2018pet peeve\u2019 as I first discovered it in my mother\u2019s highschool yearbook: all innocuous inside jokes and stuff.\u00a0 Mary Betsy\u2019s pet peeve is Gilbert\u2019s scarf during pep rally.\u00a0 Tee hee hee<\/em>.<\/p>\n Huh?\u00a0 If my pet peeve were Gilbert\u2019s scarf during pep rally, I would jump Gilbert outside the sock hop and use my switch-blade to de-scarf his gullet.\u00a0 Now THAT\u2019s what I mean when I say \u2018pet peeve\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0 Hulk during Defcon \u2018Roid Rage Pet Peeve.<\/p>\n Ok.\u00a0 Now that we\u2019ve level-set, let me tell you about a pet peeve of mine which is top-of-mind because I cleaned THREE bathrooms today and all THREE bathrooms contained massive amounts of petty peevishness.<\/p>\n And for the record, no.\u00a0 No, I\u2019m not EVEN talking about what happens in and around all the toilets.\u00a0 This remains a mystery to me which I will never solve and I\u2019ve given up trying.\u00a0 The particular pet peeve in question is\u2026duh, duh, duhn\u2026the sink.\u00a0 And the spit.<\/p>\n How is the sink NOT a big enough target for all the spitting that happens in the bathroom??\u00a0 Again, I ask you: how is the sink NOT BIG ENOUGH to contain ALL THE SPIT?!?<\/p>\n Why\u2026WHY\u2026is there so much spit on THE MIRROR? \u00a0And AROUND the sink??\u00a0 But not IN THE SINK?!?<\/p>\n Gaaaah!!!\u00a0 WHAT IS GOING ON?!?<\/p>\n Do you watch to see how cute you are as you\u2019re spitting out the toothpaste and that\u2019s why all of it ends up on the mirror?!?\u00a0 Do you have some rudimentary blowhole on the TOP of your head you haven\u2019t learned to control yet \u2013 so as you\u2019re brushing your teeth into the sink, everything is spewing out towards the mirror?!?\u00a0 Do you stand fully upright with a book on your head working on your posture WHILE you’re brushing your teeth and you just let the chips\/spit fall where they may??<\/p>\n I don\u2019t get it.\u00a0 I honestly don\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what you need to do: hold whatever ya got in your mouth until you are bent-at-the-waist at a ninety-degree-angle above the sink.\u00a0 Then, and only then, can you let it out.\u00a0 And if you have to?\u00a0 Just to be safe??\u00a0 Get yer everlovin\u2019 head right down IN the sink before you spit.\u00a0 God save the Queen!<\/p>\n Premature spit-ulation.<\/p>\n Do you know what that is, boys and girls?\u00a0 That\u2019s my PET PEEVE!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I find it\u2019s always best to define a phrase before I use it in general conversation.\u00a0 This works particularly well with my kids.\u00a0 I learned this lesson the first time I let them go down a snowy hill in a sled by themselves. They were little \u2013 maybe 2 and 3 years old – and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2215"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2215"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2215\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2224,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2215\/revisions\/2224"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}