{"id":2085,"date":"2013-10-24T14:28:29","date_gmt":"2013-10-24T20:28:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2085"},"modified":"2013-10-24T14:28:29","modified_gmt":"2013-10-24T20:28:29","slug":"the-open-field","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=2085","title":{"rendered":"The Open Field"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ok\u2026True Confession Time.\u00a0 Right here.\u00a0 Right now.<\/p>\n<p>[<em>Note: if you currently think of me as a funny friend who has a few quirks which make me interesting \u2013 then rock on wit\u2019 yer bad self.\u00a0 If however, you feel I am completely off my rocker and have been for some time, then DO NOT read this blog.\u00a0 Because it will just confirm for you that not only am I off my rocker, but that I\u2019ve been off my rocker for so long it\u2019s now broken and dusty and has been placed on the curb for trash pick-up<\/em>.]<\/p>\n<p>I walk the dog past an open field.\u00a0 Which I\u2019m worried may contain a dead body.\u00a0 (Come ON! \u00a0I can\u2019t be the only one who worries that at some point in their life they\u2019ll accidentally see a dead body in an open\u00a0field.\u00a0 COME.\u00a0 ON!!!)<\/p>\n<p>I walk past this field so frequently, that I\u2019ve developed a \u201cwhat to do in case I see a dead body\u201d protocol.\u00a0 It goes like this:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If the body is naked &#8211; or clearly dismembered &#8211;\u00a0I will just stand on the sidewalk and call the police.\u00a0 Ditto if the body is near\u00a0prairie dogs or crows.<\/li>\n<li>However, if the body is fairly close to the\u00a0road and dressed, I may go closer and call out.\u00a0\u00a0For sure-sies I&#8217;m calling the cops on this one as well, but I say \u2018may\u2019 on the other stuff because I haven\u2019t quite decided\u00a0to do this or not since there might be snakes.\u00a0 (Hey!\u00a0 It\u2019s an open field, remember?!)\u00a0 I remain flexible here.<\/li>\n<li>Finally, if the body is\u00a0very near the sidewalk\u00a0I\u2019ll assume (hope?) it&#8217;s\u00a0more of twisted-ankle-sustained-while-walking-through-the-field\u00a0situation\u00a0and offer assistance\/feel for a pulse.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I like to think of this all\u00a0as &#8216;being prepared&#8217;.\u00a0 If you like to think of the body-in-the-open-field fear\u00a0as &#8216;being crazy&#8217; (I\u2019m talking to you here, off-her-broken-and-dusty rocker contingent),\u00a0then\u00a0I won\u2019t even TELL YOU what I fear might be in all those black garbage bags on the side of the road.\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 Not gonna do it.<\/p>\n<p>To those who think of me as a funny-friend-with-a-few-quirks?\u00a0 Call me.\u00a0 We&#8217;ll talk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ok\u2026True Confession Time.\u00a0 Right here.\u00a0 Right now. [Note: if you currently think of me as a funny friend who has a few quirks which make me interesting \u2013 then rock on wit\u2019 yer bad self.\u00a0 If however, you feel I am completely off my rocker and have been for some time, then DO NOT read [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2085"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2094,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2085\/revisions\/2094"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}