{"id":1931,"date":"2013-10-01T16:48:43","date_gmt":"2013-10-01T22:48:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1931"},"modified":"2013-10-02T17:26:17","modified_gmt":"2013-10-02T23:26:17","slug":"accidental-stalker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1931","title":{"rendered":"Accidental Stalker"},"content":{"rendered":"
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One time I stalked a co-worker.\u00a0 But it was a TOTAL accident!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0And I was really only involved because I\u00a0wrote the\u00a0crazy stalking note.\u00a0\u00a0Which was actually\u00a0intended for a DIFFERENT co-worker.\u00a0 Who is a dear, dear friend.<\/p>\n

Back in the day when I had a job (no \u2013 I still haven\u2019t found another one, but thanks for asking! stink eye, stink eye<\/em>) I parked next to this dear friend\u2019s car\u00a0in the parking garage.\u00a0 And thought it would be funny to write a note saying \u2018Hi!\u2019.\u00a0 But all I had in the car were napkins.\u00a0 And a red crayon.\u00a0 So\u00a0I used my \u201cother\u201d hand to write:\u00a0I have my eye (big crazy eye drawing surrounded by spiky eyelashes) on U!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The end result was that the note\u00a0looked like it was written by an escapee from the insane asylum, but I knew my friend\u00a0would dutifully laugh and know immediately that I had written it\u00a0because our cars were parked right next to each other.\u00a0 Which is exactly what she did when she found the note.\u00a0 But then?\u00a0 Then she took the note and put it on the windshield of ANOTHER co-worker who was parked on the OTHER side of her, thinking that co-worker would enjoy a laugh as well.<\/p>\n

Except?\u00a0 This other co-worker\u00a0actually thought someone had their\u00a0eye (big crazy eye drawing surrounded by spiky\u00a0lashes)<\/strong><\/span> on her in a\u00a0super CREEPY\u00a0way, rather than a funny HA HA\u00a0way.\u00a0 So she immediately filed an incident report with the security department.\u00a0 Then –\u00a0for the next two weeks –\u00a0she had the building security guard escort her to her car, morning and night.\u00a0 And when he wasn\u2019t available, she had the\u00a0Office Manager (who was a former Navy Quartermaster) do it instead.<\/p>\n

Aaacckkk!!!\u00a0 Whaaaa\u2026.whaaaaa happened?!?\u00a0 How did this go so wrong, so quickly??\u00a0\u00a0I only WROTE\u00a0the note that put the fear into her heart.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t actually PLACE the note that put the fear into her heart on her car!\u00a0\u00a0But\u00a0it\u2019s not like I could TELL\u00a0anyone that without \u201couting\u201d\u00a0myself\u00a0AND my friend\u00a0in the process.\u00a0\u00a0Instead,\u00a0my friend and I became inadvertent partners in the\u00a0accidental stalking of a co-worker who\u00a0had a\u00a0BLACK BELT IN KARATE (yes, literally).\u00a0 So in addition to being worried we\u2019d get thrown in jail, there was a\u00a0we\u2019re-afraid-she\u2019ll-kick-our-teeth-in-if-she-ever-finds-out component to all of this.\u00a0 So we\u00a0just maintained our shameful,\u00a0toothy silence.<\/p>\n

Eventually the co-worker we accidentally stalked\u00a0never got any more notes (cause we never SENT her any more, duh!)\u00a0so she let up on the escorts to and fro and just contented herself with a\u00a0mace-in-the-purse approach.<\/p>\n

Ahhhhhhh\u2026those were the days!\u00a0 I sure do miss\u00a0those days when I was running from the law.\u00a0 And when I had\u00a0a job \u2013 and got paid to perform\u00a0zany\u00a0antics and\u00a0wacky hi-jinks.\u00a0\u00a0Yep.\u00a0 Those were the days.<\/p>\n

These days?\u00a0 These days I spend the entire day\u00a0changing sheets, cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry.\u00a0 No friends or co-workers to have a good laugh with.\u00a0 The pay is total CRAP.\u00a0 And there\u2019s not a single\u00a0soul around to kick my teeth in should I accidentally stalk them.<\/p>\n

Talk about boring.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One time I stalked a co-worker.\u00a0 But it was a TOTAL accident!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0And I was really only involved because I\u00a0wrote the\u00a0crazy stalking note.\u00a0\u00a0Which was actually\u00a0intended for a DIFFERENT co-worker.\u00a0 Who is a dear, dear friend. Back in the day when I had a job (no \u2013 I still haven\u2019t found another one, but thanks for asking! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1931"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1931"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1931\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1958,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1931\/revisions\/1958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}