I go to Nordstrom’s…ohhhhhh…about once every 12 years.<\/p>\n
To me, it’s like walking on the moon.\u00a0 It’s\u00a0so\u00a0quiet and dead in there,\u00a0your voice echoes (HELLO!…hello…hello…<\/em>).\u00a0 There’s never anyone around (ANYONE?\u00a0 anyone…anyone\u00a0 <\/em>CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?\u00a0 hear me…hear me)<\/em>.\u00a0 You have to get specially suited up to go there only to find they have\u00a0about three of everything – all in\u00a0toothpick sizes.\u00a0 It’s cold as Hell\u00a0and the prices are out of this world!<\/p>\n In fact, I usually just walk THROUGH Nordstrom’s to get to the rest of the mall.<\/p>\n But today?\u00a0 Today is gonna be different.\u00a0\u00a0I’m gonna pop some tags…Only got twenty dollars in my pocket…I – I – I’m hunting, looking for a come-up…This is *******\u00a0awesome.\u00a0\u00a0(<\/em>Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Thrift Shop – original release date: October 9, 2012.)<\/p>\n Why no, it’s not an 80’s song.\u00a0 But it’s still playing in my head.\u00a0 ‘Cause this is how I feel: like\u00a0the home boy who has to shop for threads at the thrift store and spend twenty-bucks\u00a0max.\u00a0 ‘Cept instead of twenty-bucks, I actually have a $50 gift card that I got for my birthday back in MAY and it’s taken me this long to work up my courage to use it.\u00a0 It\u00a0may as well be $20 ’cause there’s not gonna be ANYTHING at Nordstrom’s I can buy for $50, much less $20.\u00a0 But I’m gonna give it the ole’ college try.<\/p>\n Speaking of college!\u00a0\u00a0I’m going to a sorority reunion in New York City this week-end and I thought THIS would be the perfect reason\/time\/opportunity to use my gift card to get something fun and cosmopolitan.\u00a0 Hello (hello…hello<\/em>) big city!\u00a0 Here I come (come…come<\/em>).<\/p>\n But\u00a0as I’m parking my car, a woman comes out of Nordstrom’s full-out sobbing.\u00a0\u00a0Heavens to Betsy!\u00a0 What is going on??\u00a0 In that store?!?<\/em><\/p>\n Before I can ask her if she’s ok (Was it a bad sale?\u00a0 Only size 00 left??\u00a0 What IS the problem?!?<\/em>) she gets in her Lexus and drives off.\u00a0 Guess she didn’t want to confide to the Home Mom in the 11-year-old Honda minivan with hail damage all over the hood.\u00a0 Whatev’s b*tch!<\/p>\n Now I’m copping a ‘tude.\u00a0 I’m all belligerent as I pull down the visor of my space helmet.\u00a0 Gettin’ ready to breathe the rarefied atmosphere inside the store.\u00a0 I hope I don’t come out sobbing!<\/em><\/p>\n There’s a pianist playing on the floor above me.\u00a0 I can see the mall and freedom off in the distance;\u00a0I so, so, so wanna go there.\u00a0\u00a0But I’m here for the duration.\u00a0 It’s just that I come here so infrequently I don’t know\u00a0where the\u00a0New York City college sorority reunion clothes are located.\u00a0 So I make a quick pass through the ENTIRE store…going all the way up to the 3rd floor on the escalator\u00a0(CRAP!\u00a0 Only kids clothes and yoga stuff up here!<\/em>) so I hook a U-y and head\u00a0back down to the 2nd floor where I believe I have spotted some\u00a0tags I could possibly pop with my gift card.<\/p>\n At this point, Mary Beth breezes up and asks if I’m shopping for anything special now that I got\u00a0all the kids off to school in one piece.<\/p>\n I’m vaguely insulted by this line of questioning.\u00a0 ‘Cause I’m not REALLY a Home Mom.\u00a0 Am I? am I…am I…<\/em>\u00a0 Well not permanently.\u00a0 Right? right…right…\u00a0<\/em> And I’ve got WAY more important stuff to do then just come shopping at Nordstrom’s for some\u00a0“me time” after the kids are off to school.\u00a0 Yes, important things like finish my crochet project and clean the toilets.\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 And write a blog about <\/em>high-powered marketing execs turned unemployed bloggers slash Home Moms…home moms…home moms…<\/em><\/p>\n But what I actually say is, “Why yes. Yes, Mary Beth.\u00a0 I AM\u00a0shopping for something special.\u00a0 You see, I’m going to a sorority reunion in New York City…”\u00a0 I don’t get any\u00a0further than that\u00a0because Mary Beth has\u00a0clapped her hands in front of her and actually SQUEALED!<\/p>\n Good Lord, Mary Beth.\u00a0 Maybe YOU\u00a0need to get out more.<\/em><\/p>\n And as she chattering on about how excited she\u00a0is for me (uh, have we met before, Mary Beth?<\/em>) she’s grabbing clothes left and right.\u00a0 I catch a glimpse of …gulp<\/em>…a $178 price tag on a blouse that looks JUST LIKE the blouse at Kohl’s for $14.99 BEFORE the 30% off coupon!\u00a0 So I’m actually RELIEVED when I spot the $99 price tag on a different blouse.\u00a0 (Ok, that wouldn’t be so bad.\u00a0 That would be like spending $50 of my OWN money.\u00a0 Which I could do.\u00a0 Right?…right…right…<\/em>)<\/p>\n I’m in the dressing room and removing my\u00a0hermetically sealed lunar boots when I hear another customer ask\u00a0Mary Beth about picking up her\u00a0specially tailored pants.\u00a0 (Where did all of these people come from all of a sudden?!<\/em>)\u00a0 \u00a0 And while Mary Beth breezes off\u00a0to the backroom, I quickly try on about half of the clothes then put them all on the hook and slip out the door to the sales rack I spotted.\u00a0 And there it is!\u00a0 The sweater of all time…and space!\u00a0 It’s PERFECT for walking around NYC in the Fall.\u00a0 AND?\u00a0 It’s on sale for $39!!!!\u00a0 THIS. IS.\u00a0MY.\u00a0SWEATER.\u00a0DESTINY!!!<\/p>\n I LOVE NORDSTROM’S!!!!<\/p>\n Mary Beth and I are reunited at the cash register where she drips ice while asking me if this is all I’m getting.\u00a0 Yes, Mary Beth.\u00a0 This is my sweater destiny.\u00a0 So I think we can call it a day.<\/em>\u00a0 And when I hand over my …gaaack!<\/em>…gift card, she practically throws up on my hand.<\/p>\n As she rings me up (“You have $7 LEFT on your gift card”\u00a0\u00a0jagged icicles\u00a0splinter\u00a0off the roof onto my unsuspecting head), she asks me where I’m staying in New York.\u00a0 I don’t dare reply, “Uh…the Hampton Inn in Queens with the free breakfast for the first night.”\u00a0 <\/em>Instead I say all breezy and careless, “Oh, the Gansevoort Hotel in the old meatpacking district.\u00a0\u00a0It’s a big Kardashian hangout now.”\u00a0\u00a0And just like that, I’m back in Mary Beth’s good graces.<\/p>\n Yippeee – Mission Accomplished! As I’m BOUNDING out the door (I\u00a0might\u00a0actually weigh LESS here!!<\/em>) I’m thinking to myself that\u00a0that was actually kinda fun.\u00a0 Thank you, Nordstrom’s!<\/p>\n But now?\u00a0 Now what am I EVER going to buy with\u00a0SEVEN dollars at Nordstrom’s?!?<\/p>\n I don’t know.\u00a0 But I’ll figure that out in another…12 years…years…years…<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I go to Nordstrom’s…ohhhhhh…about once every 12 years. To me, it’s like walking on the moon.\u00a0 It’s\u00a0so\u00a0quiet and dead in there,\u00a0your voice echoes (HELLO!…hello…hello…).\u00a0 There’s never anyone around (ANYONE?\u00a0 anyone…anyone\u00a0 CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?\u00a0 hear me…hear me).\u00a0 You have to get specially suited up to go there only to find they have\u00a0about three of everything […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1896"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1906,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896\/revisions\/1906"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}