My best friend in grade school, Kathy Sokop, and I created this funny shtick we called “No More Cookies For You!”\u00a0\u00a0We would mostly trot it out on the playground, but really – being\u00a0apropos absolutely nothing – it\u00a0could be used anytime, anywhere, for any reason.<\/p>\n
Basically\u00a0the “No More Cookies For You!”\u00a0routine consisted of\u00a0one of us\u00a0coming up behind the other, grabbing that\u00a0person around the upper arm, and goose-stepping them somewhere, all the while proclaiming in a severe English nanny voice, “You’re in big trouble now, Missy!\u00a0 No more cookies for\u00a0YOU!!!”<\/p>\n
See??\u00a0\u00a0Totally\u00a0funny, right?!\u00a0\u00a0It makes you want to fall all over yourself laughing until you get a demerit, doesn’t it?!??<\/p>\n
So naturally, I’ve passed this juvenile antic\u00a0on to my kids.\u00a0 And sometimes when we’re walking into a store, or returning to the car, I’ll just spontaneously grab them by the arm and march them off (turns out it’s even FUNNIER\u00a0if the other person is much shorter than you\u00a0and you can really hike ’em up and make their one leg dangle) all the while proclaiming, “No more cookies for you!!!”<\/p>\n
“Why this big\u00a0trip down memory lane?” you might ask.<\/p>\n
Well…Sonny just\u00a0lost a tooth.\u00a0\u00a0He has braces and said\u00a0tooth was still attached to its bracket.\u00a0\u00a0Which caused the\u00a0tooth to\u00a0endlessly spin\u00a0around on its\u00a0wire and get\u00a0caught in his other teeth every time he bit down.<\/p>\n
Being the super fun and creative mom I am, I cut the wire with a pair of toenail clippers.\u00a0 [Don’t worry.\u00a0\u00a0Sissy reminded me to\u00a0sanitize them first.\u00a0 “Gloood illldeal slllweetie,” I said as I\u00a0licked them clean!\u00a0 Kidding.\u00a0 Kidding.\u00a0 Of course I didn’t LICK\u00a0them.\u00a0 That’s unsanitary.\u00a0\u00a0I spit on them instead<\/em>.]<\/p>\n But once I clipped the tooth out, the remaining wire was very poke-y and took on more of an inner-lip-shredding function rather than a teeth-straightening function.\u00a0 Which necessitated an\u00a0early morning, impromptu orthodontist visit.\u00a0 So early in fact, that\u00a0everyone in the orthodontist office was just grunting at each other and no one appreciated my joke about being “ready for my\u00a0orthodontist certificate, Doc!\u00a0 Just give me a pair of toenail clippers and let me at ’em!” Hardy har har har har!\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n After the new (professional) wire install,\u00a0Sonny helped himself to THREE freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on the way out of the office.\u00a0 [Hey!\u00a0 It’s not a DENTIST office.\u00a0 It’s an ORTHODONTIST office.\u00a0 Where they just straighten the teeth.\u00a0 They don’t care if there are holes in ’em!]\u00a0 And we were off – trying to make it to school before the first bell!<\/p>\n On the car trip there, every time I looked in the rearview mirror, Sonny had chocolate smeared in\u00a0some additional\u00a0place.\u00a0 [Did I mention the fresh-baked nature of the cookies?\u00a0 And that they were CHOCOLATE CHIP??\u00a0 And that as a result they\u00a0were especially GOOEY?!?]<\/p>\n Me: “Buddy, you have chocolate all over the heel of your right hand.\u00a0 Please wipe it off.”<\/p>\n wipe, wipe, wipe.\u00a0 munch, munch, munch.<\/em><\/p>\n Me: “What?!\u00a0 Buddy!\u00a0 Now you have chocolate all over your KNUCKLES!”<\/p>\n wipe, wipe, wipe, munch, munch, munch<\/em><\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 “AAAAAAaaaacckkkkk!\u00a0 Now there’s a big glob of chocolate all over your seatbelt shoulder strap.\u00a0 Wipe it off RIGHT NOW\u00a0otherwise it’ll get all over your uniform shirt!!”<\/p>\n wipe, munch, wipe, munch, wipe, munch<\/em><\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 “Good Lord, Boy!\u00a0 There is chocolate all over your NECK.\u00a0 It looks like a messy chocolate vampire had atchya.\u00a0\u00a0CLEAN. IT. UP!”<\/p>\n WIPE, WIPE, WIPE<\/em><\/p>\n At this point we’re pulling in to the parking lot of school.\u00a0 So yes, literally, the whole ride entailed: 1) him eating chocolate chip cookies and 2) wiping up after the chocolate chip cookies.<\/p>\n And as we’re walking towards\u00a0school, I notice that Sonny has chocolate SMEEEEARED all over the BACK OF HIS PANTS!!!\u00a0 (Reminiscent of a scene from Diary of a Wimpy Kid, no?)\u00a0 The cookie crumbs must have fallen down through his legs and gotten smooshed\u00a0all over the back of his pants.\u00a0 But\u00a0no one’s gonna know THAT.\u00a0 They’re just gonna think he had a case of\u00a0explosive\u00a0diarrhea all over his uniform pants!!!\u00a0 Acccckkkk!!!!!<\/p>\n So\u00a0as we’re waiting for the office lady to buzz us in, I’m swiping at his behind\u00a0with my hand.\u00a0\u00a0To the casual observer, it must have looked like we were engaging in\u00a0a before-school, ritualistic spanking ceremony.\u00a0 ‘Cept the ceremony\u00a0didn’t make his pants much better, and my hand was DEFINITELY worse for wear.<\/p>\n As we’re marching into school, I’m giving him strict\u00a0instructions to go to the bathroom and clean his pants off as best as he can and then\u00a0GET TO MATH CLASS!!!<\/p>\n Oh!\u00a0 And Sonny??\u00a0\u00a0NO. MORE. COOKIES. FOR. YOU!!!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My best friend in grade school, Kathy Sokop, and I created this funny shtick we called “No More Cookies For You!”\u00a0\u00a0We would mostly trot it out on the playground, but really – being\u00a0apropos absolutely nothing – it\u00a0could be used anytime, anywhere, for any reason. Basically\u00a0the “No More Cookies For You!”\u00a0routine consisted of\u00a0one of us\u00a0coming up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1869"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1873,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869\/revisions\/1873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}