{"id":1830,"date":"2013-09-17T10:36:50","date_gmt":"2013-09-17T16:36:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1830"},"modified":"2013-09-17T10:36:50","modified_gmt":"2013-09-17T16:36:50","slug":"the-dirty-puppy-whodunnit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1830","title":{"rendered":"The Dirty Puppy Whodunnit"},"content":{"rendered":"
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(Subtitled: YOU RAT BASTARD DOG!!!!!)<\/p>\n

It’s been raining for forty days and forty nights here in CO.\u00a0 (No one gave ME<\/em>\u00a0the high-sign to build an ark.\u00a0 If they had, it would have been built last year and I would be putting the finishing touches on the ark cozy I’m crocheting for the occasion.\u00a0 Oh, and?\u00a0 AND I WOULD BE INSIDE THE ARK\u00a0RIGHT NOW!\u00a0 WITH A NICE, DRY, CLEAN <\/em>DOG!!!)<\/p>\n

Instead, I’m trying to find the\u00a0dirty puppy who somehow snuck into the house after playing in the side-yard mudpile.\u00a0\u00a0Did I mention we’ve recently had\u00a0forty-days-and-forty-nights-of rain?!?<\/p>\n

Hmmm…I thought I heard him come in.\u00a0 But then I didn’t hear him.\u00a0 And that sound of silence (Hello, Darkness my old friend.\u00a0 I’ve come to talk with you again..<\/em>.)\u00a0was my first clue that I was in serious, SERIOUS trouble.<\/p>\n

But where to begin? (perhaps the dirty paw prints on the kitchen floor hold a clue)<\/p>\n

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\nIs the puppy here? (dirty paw prints on the fireplace and swipe marks on the carpet are my next clue)<\/p>\n

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\nHow about here? (dried mud spatter-pattern on the coffee table – clearly he paused here long enough to shake mud off his fur)<\/p>\n

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Maybe…HERE?!? (note weird chameleon effect of once-cream-now-brown dog on brown couch. Perhaps this is why I didn’t immediately spot him. That and he’s lying there vewy, vewy qwietwy.\u00a0 Hey there, Chameleon.\u00a0 Lyin’ there, in the sun.\u00a0 All things to everyone.\u00a0 RUN!\u00a0 RUN AWAY!!!<\/em>).\u00a0 YOU RAT-BASTARD DOG!!!\u00a0 GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And ‘lest you think the dark fur is because he’s simply…just wet.\u00a0 Let me dissuade you of that notion.\u00a0 Because here he is in a before-and-after-picture:\u00a0wet and dirty vs. wet and CLEAN!!!\u00a0 In both instances he’s a TOTAL JERK!!!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>P.S.\u00a0 Why no, I don’t have a job yet!\u00a0 But thanks for asking.\u00a0 [stink eye, stink eye<\/em>]\u00a0 But if I ever DO get a job?\u00a0 Remind me that I\u00a0never, EVER want the\u00a0“crime scene cleaner” \u00a0job.\u00a0 I would imagine the blood spatter on the walls, floor, carpet, furniture etc is as much of a sumbitch to clean up as the aftermath of…duh, duh, duhn…The Dirty Puppy Whodunnit!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Subtitled: YOU RAT BASTARD DOG!!!!!) It’s been raining for forty days and forty nights here in CO.\u00a0 (No one gave ME\u00a0the high-sign to build an ark.\u00a0 If they had, it would have been built last year and I would be putting the finishing touches on the ark cozy I’m crocheting for the occasion.\u00a0 Oh, and?\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1830"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1830"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1830\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1858,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1830\/revisions\/1858"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1830"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1830"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1830"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}