{"id":1810,"date":"2013-09-09T12:23:34","date_gmt":"2013-09-09T18:23:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1810"},"modified":"2013-09-10T07:15:18","modified_gmt":"2013-09-10T13:15:18","slug":"i-volunteer-i-volunteer-as-tribute","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1810","title":{"rendered":"I volunteer! I volunteer as Tribute!*"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The kids’ school has this hare-brained scheme wherein the administration\u00a0sends every important flyer\/notice\/announcement home with the youngest space cadet in the family.<\/p>\n

So,\u00a0in our case – for the entire school year –\u00a0the\u00a0responsibility of\u00a0receiving\u00a0communication from Space Command rests\u00a0squarely on Sonny’s shoulders.<\/p>\n

Uh…Houston.\u00a0 We have a problem.<\/p>\n

Why not give every important paper and deadline notice to the OLDER\u00a0child?\u00a0 You know…the one who LIVES for and BY\u00a0the rules?\u00a0 And feels a sense of responsibility about EVERYTHING??\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 That one.\u00a0 Why not\u00a0THAT one??<\/p>\n

But nooooo.\u00a0 OHHH\u00a0Noooooooo!<\/p>\n

Instead, they give all of the most important communication\u00a0to\u00a0Sonny.\u00a0\u00a0YEAHHHHHH – that’s a GREAT idea [she says while dripping sarcasm all over the carpet<\/em>].\u00a0\u00a0 Sonny is more monkey than boy on any given day, and\u00a0he’d\u00a0rather\u00a0be\u00a0strengthening his opposable thumbs through the use of\u00a0Legos than doing ANYTHING that requires him to…uh…be\u00a0responsible.<\/p>\n

So when he handed me the school’s Volunteer Book over the week-end, I was a bit\u00a0suspect, but dutifully filled it out anyway.<\/p>\n

Now, you may ask yourself, “What is the Volunteer Book?”\u00a0\u00a0You may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”\u00a0 You may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?”\u00a0 You may tell yourself, “This is not my\u00a0beautiful house.”\u00a0 You may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife!”\u00a0<\/em> (Talking Heads: “Once in a Lifetime” live version released as a single in 1984.\u00a0 I added that lyric about the Volunteer Book…but I still think I’m the BEST at this “80’s song for every moment in life” game we play constantly.\u00a0\u00a0The rest of you don’t seem to be participating much.)<\/p>\n

The Volunteer Book is where all of the volunteer opportunities to participate in the school’s version of the Hunger Games\u00a0are listed.\u00a0 You must then decide how you want to die.\u00a0 (Working Book Fair, for example.\u00a0 Or Field Day perhaps??\u00a0 There are\u00a0even some die-from-home opportunities like cutting out box tops!)\u00a0\u00a0Once you’ve made your decision,\u00a0you\u00a0complete twenty different forms, cut off the bottom of each,\u00a0bundle them all together\u00a0and turn them in the school office.<\/p>\n

[Speaking of death…I want someone to shoot me with a bow-and-arrow RIGHT NOW!!!\u00a0 Because the process of volunteering is just about as excruciating as the volunteering itself.\u00a0\u00a0Come on!\u00a0 Why\u00a0are they\u00a0sending home a bound REAM of paper-that-needs-to-be-completed-and-cut-out when we have this nifty little invention called COMPUTERS!?!??\u00a0 Why are they even still MAKING\u00a0that\u00a0mini-scissor-cutting-through-the-dotted-line\u00a0symbol?!?\u00a0 SHOOT ME ALREADY!!!)<\/p>\n

While I’m\u00a0putting all these little slips of\u00a0paper in an envelope\u00a0ready for Sonny\u00a0to bring back to school this morning, I’m\u00a0reading the notice on the first page of the\u00a0Volunteer Book.<\/p>\n

THE FORMS WERE DUE AUGUST 30TH!!!!<\/p>\n

Whaaaaat?\u00a0\u00a0 WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!??!<\/p>\n

But I just GOT<\/em>\u00a0the &^%$#!*&^%$#! Volunteer Book!!!!\u00a0 That\u00a0boy-monkey just handed it to me TWO DAYS AGO<\/em> and I remember thinking how\u00a0human-like his paw looked as he did it!!!<\/p>\n

See?!?\u00a0 SEE???\u00a0 I told you this was a bad plan!\u00a0 I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAAAAAAD\u00a0PLAAAAN!!!<\/em><\/p>\n

Once I discovered the deadline,\u00a0I naturally\u00a0had to spend the next 10 minutes lecturing Sonny on bringing his A game each-and-every-day.\u00a0 Especially when it comes to important information pertaining to\u00a0school.\u00a0\u00a0Step it up.\u00a0 Grow your sense of\u00a0responsibility.\u00a0\u00a0Blahblahblah.\u00a0 Blah blah blah BLAH blah.\u00a0\u00a0[You get the point.\u00a0 I basically said the same thing about fifty different ways.\u00a0 In a loud, screech-y voice which makes the whole lecture\u00a0particularly pleasant to listen to, I’m sure.]<\/p>\n

Then after the kids left for school, I immediately\u00a0emailed the\u00a0woman in charge of the Volunteer Book\u00a0to\u00a0throw my son under the bus while apologizing\u00a0for getting my slips\u00a0in late.<\/p>\n

She emailed right back to say the Volunteer Book had been delayed.\u00a0 It actually just came home late last week.<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n

Oops.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

tee hee hee<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Well…What I said still stands.\u00a0 Sonny DOES need to bring his A Game.\u00a0 We’ll just repurpose\u00a0this morning’s “chat” into a General Life Lessons for Monday discussion and call it good.<\/p>\n

I may be a bad mother, but at least I didn’t miss any\u00a0volunteer opportunities.\u00a0\u00a0‘Cause I may\u00a0as well spend my day dying at school since\u00a0I don’t have a JOB or anything!\u00a0\u00a0 But thanks for bringing it up.\u00a0 [stink eye, stink eye<\/em><\/a>]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*For those who pretended they were once again\u00a0thirteen\u00a0and read the Hunger Games Trilogy when it came out, the “I volunteer!\u00a0 I volunteer as Tribute!”\u00a0quote is fairly obvious.\u00a0 For those who have NO idea what I’m talking about, I can’t help you because I’m now on a train to the capital where I will fight to the death.\u00a0 Good bye.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The kids’ school has this hare-brained scheme wherein the administration\u00a0sends every important flyer\/notice\/announcement home with the youngest space cadet in the family. So,\u00a0in our case – for the entire school year –\u00a0the\u00a0responsibility of\u00a0receiving\u00a0communication from Space Command rests\u00a0squarely on Sonny’s shoulders. Uh…Houston.\u00a0 We have a problem. Why not give every important paper and deadline notice to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1810"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1810"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1810\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1820,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1810\/revisions\/1820"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1810"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1810"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1810"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}