{"id":1711,"date":"2013-08-15T10:40:35","date_gmt":"2013-08-15T16:40:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1711"},"modified":"2013-08-15T10:40:35","modified_gmt":"2013-08-15T16:40:35","slug":"not-by-the-hair-on-my-chinny-chin-chin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1711","title":{"rendered":"Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I have a meeting once-a-month with a woman who does nothing the WHOLE time…except feel for her chin hair.<\/p>\n

Which then reminds ME that I haven’t felt for MY chin hair in a while.\u00a0 So by the end of the meeting, the two of us look like we’re giving frantic “steal\u00a0home” signals to a dozen imaginary baseball players.<\/p>\n

In general, this is the best approach to\u00a0chin hairs:\u00a0Feel for them constantly\u00a0no matter who is around.\u00a0 And when you find one of them bristle-y sumbitches, pluck the heck out of it!\u00a0 Create bloody holes if you have to.\u00a0 Damn the torpedoes!!!\u00a0 ‘Cause if you don’t\u00a0snag that wascily wabbit\u00a0in the\u00a0short-bud stage,\u00a0it’ll\u00a0grow too long and soft, and then you\u00a0can’t feel it\u00a0anymore.\u00a0 Which THEN\u00a0makes you think you don’t have it anymore.\u00a0 Like\u00a0somehow your over-attentiveness permanently dried up\u00a0that follicle.\u00a0\u00a0Until weeks later you glimpse it\u00a0in\u00a0broad daylight in the car rear view mirror!\u00a0 And then you can’t BELIEVE that no one in your family told you\u00a0that you have\u00a0one long black\u00a0hair the size of a small child hanging from your chin.<\/p>\n

Why am I even talking about all of this??\u00a0 It’s just so top-of-mind because I had an even more horrifying facial hair encounter at the\u00a0ear-doctor’s office.\u00a0 I took my son\u00a0there yesterday where there’s\u00a0this\u00a0audiologist with fried blond hair.\u00a0 When\u00a0I met her, I thought she\u00a0had a flyaway piece of hair\u00a0on her forehead with a crumb stuck in it.\u00a0\u00a0Until I realized in one heart-stopping second that it was actually\u00a0A HAIR\u00a0GROWING OUT<\/em> OF A\u00a0WART\u00a0IN BETWEEN HER EYEBROWS!!\u00a0\u00a0AND IT HAD A CRUMB ON IT!!!<\/p>\n

Aaaaccckkk!!!\u00a0 When your wild-hair is so long it’s getting CRUMBS in it,\u00a0you HAVE to know it’s there.\u00a0 And at that point you’re\u00a0just wearing\u00a0it as a statement piece.\u00a0 Right?!\u00a0 What other reasonable explanation is there other than you have a\u00a0sucky family who doesn’t tell you\u00a0anything about your\u00a0personal appearance.<\/p>\n

And in the case of the audiologist, if\u00a0her FAMILY\u00a0isn’t gonna say anything?\u00a0 Thank HEAVEN I <\/em>didn’t say anything!\u00a0\u00a0OR politely try to\u00a0brush it off for her.\u00a0 ‘Cause all I can think of now is the “polite brush off” scenario my little sister told me about one time\u00a0– starring her best friend as the “brusher offer” and lil’ sis\u00a0as the “person with the hair on her face.”\u00a0 I’m not sure I remember the specifics of the story (other than the best friend\u00a0thought lil’ sis had a\u00a0rogue\u00a0dog hair or some such stuck to her face?).\u00a0 What I do very CLEARLY remember however, is the cringe-worthy feeling of horror I experienced after lil’ sis relayed that\u00a0when best friend went to\u00a0remove said hair,\u00a0she found that lil’ sis’ FACE\u00a0went along with it!\u00a0\u00a0Tug, tug.\u00a0 Tug, tug.\u00a0 Oh.<\/p>\n

And now?\u00a0 It’s time for a song…<\/p>\n

Long beautiful hair <\/em><\/p>\n

Shining, gleaming, Streaming, flaxen, waxen<\/em><\/p>\n

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair <\/em><\/p>\n

Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it <\/em><\/p>\n

My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair <\/em><\/p>\n

Flow it, show it Long as God can grow it<\/em><\/p>\n

My hair!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have a meeting once-a-month with a woman who does nothing the WHOLE time…except feel for her chin hair. Which then reminds ME that I haven’t felt for MY chin hair in a while.\u00a0 So by the end of the meeting, the two of us look like we’re giving frantic “steal\u00a0home” signals to a dozen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1711"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1711"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1711\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1716,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1711\/revisions\/1716"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1711"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1711"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1711"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}