{"id":1686,"date":"2013-08-23T16:07:34","date_gmt":"2013-08-23T22:07:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1686"},"modified":"2013-08-23T16:07:34","modified_gmt":"2013-08-23T22:07:34","slug":"thanks-but-no-thanks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1686","title":{"rendered":"Thanks, but no thanks"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There’s this “thanks, but no thanks” letter\u00a0I get from companies I’ve applied to.<\/p>\n

These letters accomplish two things: 1) They\u00a0convey in clear and concise language that I…uh…didn’t get the job.\u00a0 [Yeah.\u00a0 No sh%#, Sherlock!\u00a0 If I HAD gotten the job, you wouldn’t have sent a rinkydink letter.\u00a0 You would have sent a welcome team armed with\u00a0flowers and balloons!]\u00a0<\/strong> And 2) They\u00a0get the voices chattering in my head.\u00a0 Despite the tinfoil hat I wear to block said\u00a0voices, they still seem to come through loud and clear, particularly when one of\u00a0these letters arrives.<\/p>\n

[As a\u00a0side note:\u00a0 Screw the tinfoil!\u00a0 SCREW IT!\u00a0 It doesn’t work.\u00a0 But I really wish it did.]\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

So without further ado…I bring you the\u00a0letter I frequently makes me sound like a loser, let’s just say I <\/del>sometimes get from companies I apply to:<\/p>\n

Dear You, <\/em>[DEAR??\u00a0 Let’s not pretend I’m “dear” anything to you.]<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thank you for expressing an interest in\u00a0the XYZ position.\u00a0 <\/em>[uh…you’re…welcome?\u00a0 But I have a bad feeling that I won’t be “welcoming” you much longer.]<\/strong>\u00a0 We regret to inform you that\u00a0<\/em>[WHAT?!?\u00a0 That someone’s DIED??\u00a0 Give it to me straight, I can take\u00a0it]\u00a0<\/strong>after reviewing your application, we believe your skills and experiences <\/em>[which skills and experiences would those be?!\u00a0 My two bachelor’s degrees?\u00a0 My MBA??\u00a0 My 25 YEARS of progressive work experience complete with a dozen plus\u00a0promotions,\u00a0various awards and certifications??\u00a0\u00a0THOSE<\/span> SKILLS AND EXPERIENCES?!??]<\/strong> do not meet the job requirements.\u00a0 <\/em>[WHAT??!\u00a0 Are you KIDDING\u00a0me?!?\u00a0 Are.\u00a0 You.\u00a0 KIDDING ME???\u00a0\u00a0‘Cause I kinda thought THEY DID!\u00a0 THAT’S WHY I APPLIED FOR\u00a0YOUR STUPID JOB!!!]<\/strong><\/p>\n

Again, thank you for\u00a0taking the time to pursue this opportunity.\u00a0 <\/em>[Which I’m now TOTALLY glad I didn’t get because I can tell that it would have been horrible to work for you.\u00a0 HORRIBLE!\u00a0\u00a0You can just take your\u00a0self-important death notice letter and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine!]\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

We encourage you to visit our website where we have more\u00a0jobs to explore\u00a0within our company\u00a0<\/em>[Oh?\u00a0 MORE jobs??\u00a0 Ones that\u00a0would be perfect for\u00a0UNEMPLOYED BLOGGERS, perhaps?!?\u00a0 If I applied to THOSE jobs, would I still get a total crap letter from\u00a0you?\u00a0\u00a0Maybe you just LIKE\u00a0sending crap letters, is that it?\u00a0\u00a0Maybe you’ve made your whole CAREER\u00a0outa\u00a0sending crap letters, you crappity crap crapper!]<\/strong><\/p>\n

We wish you the very best in your career endeavors <\/em>[Yeah, yeah.\u00a0 Puh-lease!\u00a0\u00a0I’ve heard it all before.\u00a0\u00a0You can just ZIP\u00a0IT with your wishes ’cause there ain’t no one wishing harder than me!\u00a0 That’s for DARN sure!!]<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sincerely,<\/em><\/p>\n

ABC\u00a0Recruitment Team <\/em>[Don’t you actually mean “Recruitment Team for JOB HOBOS from WHACKADOODLE TOWN”?!??\u00a0 Isn’t that what you REALLY mean?\u00a0 ISN’T IT?!??!\u00a0 So just say it already.\u00a0\u00a0SAY IT!!!!\u00a0 SAY!\u00a0 IT!!!]<\/strong><\/p>\n

So….do you see why I really, really, REALLY wish the tinfoil hat worked?\u00a0 These letters [VOICES]<\/strong> are exhausting.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There’s this “thanks, but no thanks” letter\u00a0I get from companies I’ve applied to. These letters accomplish two things: 1) They\u00a0convey in clear and concise language that I…uh…didn’t get the job.\u00a0 [Yeah.\u00a0 No sh%#, Sherlock!\u00a0 If I HAD gotten the job, you wouldn’t have sent a rinkydink letter.\u00a0 You would have sent a welcome team armed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1686"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1686"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1754,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1686\/revisions\/1754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}