{"id":1651,"date":"2013-07-29T08:42:09","date_gmt":"2013-07-29T14:42:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1651"},"modified":"2013-07-29T08:53:43","modified_gmt":"2013-07-29T14:53:43","slug":"im-leavin-on-a-jet-plane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1651","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m leavin&#8217; on a jet plane&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t know when I&#8217;ll be back again*.<\/p>\n<p>Ok, that&#8217;s a lie. \u00a0I DO know when I&#8217;ll be back again, Department of Labor. \u00a0And it&#8217;s well before any potential employer would offer me a job. \u00a0In other words: I&#8217;m all present and accounted for. \u00a0No need to keep looking at me suspiciously. \u00a0Move along.<\/p>\n<p>As for the rest of youse &#8211; fair warning. \u00a0I wanted to let you know I&#8217;ll be maintaining radio silence for a few days. \u00a0I know, I know! \u00a0I&#8217;m all frowny-faced about it too!!<\/p>\n<p>Until we meet again, I leave you with a few erudite airport observations (that&#8217;s alliteration for ya!):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Yes! \u00a0Stay at home mothers DO get frickin&#8217; vacations so SCREW YOU! \u00a0But thanks for asking.<\/li>\n<li>Why does the airport contain the\u00a0most children-who-sound-like-monkies?!? \u00a0I mean, seriously, they could be arranging a traveler ambush from the tree tops for all we know &#8217;cause there are THAT many of them!<\/li>\n<li>How do ALL the annoying, slow-moving people spontaneously find eachother at the same time?!? Thus creating vortexes (vortices?) through which you may not pass?<\/li>\n<li>Here&#8217;s a little tip: STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT ya bleeping&#8217; morons!!!<\/li>\n<li>The word is &#8216;deplaning&#8217; NOT &#8216;deboarding&#8217;. \u00a0&#8216;Deboarding&#8217; makes no sense. \u00a0Are you confusing it with &#8216;debarking&#8217;? \u00a0Which starts to sound weird if you say it too many times.<\/li>\n<li>Stop the friendly chit-chat. \u00a0I don&#8217;t like people, which means I don&#8217;t like their friendly chit-chat. \u00a0So stop already!<\/li>\n<li>When the doors are closed, the doors are closed. \u00a0No amount of blood, sweat or tears will open them again. \u00a0I see this as a metaphor for life in general.<\/li>\n<li>Why do I always get soooo sleepy right before a plane takes off. \u00a0Are the airlines secretly gassing us to keep us docile?!? \u00a0ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>*Speaking of leaving on jet planes, did anyone else&#8217;s kindergarten teacher named Mr. McAllister at Split Rock School in upstate New York tell them that HE wrote that song?? \u00a0If so were you as disappointed as I was when you found out some schmoe with moon glasses named John Denver actually wrote it??<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t know when I&#8217;ll be back again*. Ok, that&#8217;s a lie. \u00a0I DO know when I&#8217;ll be back again, Department of Labor. \u00a0And it&#8217;s well before any potential employer would offer me a job. \u00a0In other words: I&#8217;m all present and accounted for. \u00a0No need to keep looking at me suspiciously. \u00a0Move along. As for [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1651"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1651"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1651\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1653,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1651\/revisions\/1653"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}