Gaaack!\u00a0 gaaaAAACCKKKK!!!<\/p>\n
Good Lord!<\/p>\n
I have to get my cleaning ladies\u00a0back at all costs!!!<\/p>\n
Both kids have a sleepover coming up & I was just gonna change the guest beds in each of their rooms.\u00a0 Two hours, two bedrooms and two bathrooms later and I’ve decided that a cleaning lady is worth ANY amount of money.<\/p>\n
I sit here shuddering, trying to unsee things that should never have been seen in the first place…including my son’s bathroom.<\/p>\n
First off, my brilliant decision to use rubber gloves, specifically the rubber gloves I use when I spray paint, may have complicated\u00a0 this whole issue.\u00a0 The last thing I painted was a brass light fixture.\u00a0 Brown.<\/p>\n
So, armed with my gloves, I bit the bullet and used that weird, rancid scrubby brush thing LEFT OVER FROM THE PREVIOUS OWNERS to clean the inside of\u00a0the toilet.\u00a0 And then I used antibacterial wipes to clean\u00a0all the\u00a0other parts of the\u00a0toilet that an 8 year old boy\u00a0uh…uses (“uses” is the only\u00a0euphemism I can\u00a0come up with here for the horrible,\u00a0horrible things that happen to that toilet).<\/p>\n
So I’m wiping the toilet seat\u00a0down and the more I wipe, the more I notice all these\u00a0brown specks\u00a0all over the place.\u00a0 So then my mind races about where all these brown specks are coming from.<\/p>\n
It’s important to note here that I\u00a0approach toilet-cleaning the same way I approach spider-killing.\u00a0\u00a0Arms straight, elbows locked, head turned so you can only glimpse things out of the corner of your eye, the maximum amount of\u00a0paper product between you and your nemesis all the while screaming in your head\u00a0F*#K!\u00a0 S%^T!!\u00a0 F*#k s%^t f*#k s%^t s%^t sht sht sht ttttttttt!!!\u00a0 tttga tga gaaaack!<\/p>\n
And then\u00a0I start to gag.<\/p>\n
Picture it.\u00a0 The most swear words in the world are running around in my head (and maybe coming out of my mouth.\u00a0 Unless my mom is reading this, in which case they weren’t) because I believe I am wiping fecal matter all over the toilet while trying to\u00a0clean<\/em> the toilet.\u00a0 Gaaack!\u00a0 gaaaAAACCKKKK!!!<\/p>\n Oh.\u00a0 Wait.\u00a0 It’s just the old spraypaint flaking off of my\u00a0gloves.\u00a0 Oy.\u00a0 Nothing to see here folks.\u00a0 Move along.<\/p>\n So while the toilet seat turned out to be a\u00a0non-issue (well – as far as gagging, shuddering and wanting to poke your eyes out afterwards can be a non-issue), I did uncover a stuffed-animal-hair-cutting ring that’s been operating out of my son’s bathroom.\u00a0 Why would I think that?\u00a0 Well…probably the round-tip scissors lying there along with\u00a0approximately a MILLION\u00a0tufts of red and purple hair scattered all over the countertop tipped me off.\u00a0 I’m sleuth-y like that.\u00a0 As a side note – fake fur\u00a0is a total<\/em> SOB\u00a0to clean up.\u00a0 Also,\u00a0I did notice some oddly familiar brown tufts\u00a0in and amongst the purple and red.\u00a0 And my son IS\u00a0wearing his bangs to the other<\/em> side lately.\u00a0 Hmmmm….<\/p>\n At the end of the 2 hours, I found that one has to\u00a0take a shower because housecleaning is hard work.\u00a0 Is this how my cleaning ladies used to clean my showers back when I had housecleaners??\u00a0 Saving it for last because they were all\u00a0hot and sweaty and…naked?!?<\/p>\n After the shower, while I’m pondering how I used to have a special coating on the shower door but the dastardly Scrubbing Bubbles must have weeeeeeee’ed it right down the drain with them,\u00a0I notice brown flaky stuff all over my bathroom countertop.<\/p>\n OMG!\u00a0 OMG!!!?<\/p>\n I was so worried about protecting my hands from fecal matter (and really, in the end, so smug.\u00a0 So very, very smug.\u00a0 Because hey – I have a MASTER’S degree.\u00a0 How hard can housecleaning be if you have a MASTER’S degree?!?) that it never occurred to me that I shouldn’t use the same gloves to clean the sinks and faucets and countertops\u00a0THAT I JUST USED TO CLEAN THE TOILETS!!\u00a0 WITHOUT WASHING THEM IN BETWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n F*#K!\u00a0 S%^T!!\u00a0 F*#k s%^t f*#k s%^t s%^t sht sht sht ttttttttt!!!\u00a0 tttga tga\u00a0gaaack!\u00a0 gaaaAAACCKKKK!!!<\/p>\n I’m pretty sure I’ve single-handedly sickened my whole family with\u00a0E.coli poisoning.<\/p>\n Cleaning ladies – 1.\u00a0 Stay at home mom – 0.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Gaaack!\u00a0 gaaaAAACCKKKK!!! Good Lord! I have to get my cleaning ladies\u00a0back at all costs!!! Both kids have a sleepover coming up & I was just gonna change the guest beds in each of their rooms.\u00a0 Two hours, two bedrooms and two bathrooms later and I’ve decided that a cleaning lady is worth ANY amount of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/165"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=165"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/165\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":176,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/165\/revisions\/176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}