{"id":1563,"date":"2013-07-09T15:56:01","date_gmt":"2013-07-09T21:56:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1563"},"modified":"2013-07-09T15:56:01","modified_gmt":"2013-07-09T21:56:01","slug":"we-are-the-champions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=1563","title":{"rendered":"We are the champions…"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

…my friends!\u00a0\u00a0(Freddie Mercury\/Queen, 1977 – but close enough to the 80’s to win me two points in the “80’s song for every moment in life” game I play in my head).<\/p>\n

And WHY\u00a0is this song in my head?<\/p>\n

Because I won!\u00a0 I won!\u00a0 I wonIwonIwonIwonIwon!!!<\/p>\n

I won my FIRST tennis match last night: 6-2, 6-2.\u00a0 How you like ‘DEM\u00a0apples?? (say it in a New Jersey accent.\u00a0 It’s funnier that way.)<\/p>\n

Of course it helped that the other team was drunk.\u00a0 Well, one of them was drunk anyway.<\/p>\n

After she shows up telling us we mustn’t hit her in the head because she just had Botox, she then proceeds to tell us that her pro suggests she have a little drinkypoo before a match to calm her nerves.\u00a0\u00a0Uh – yeah.\u00a0 My pro says the same thing.\u00a0 But my pro DOESN’T encourage me to CONTINUE drinking throughout the match!\u00a0 And I’m pretty sure hers\u00a0doesn’t either.<\/p>\n

So I didn’t feel as bad as I could have when\u00a0I hit her ribs below her\u00a0left boob with the ball during warm-up.\u00a0 Out loud I said, “Oops!\u00a0 I’m so sorry!\u00a0 I thought for sure you’d get that!\u00a0 But at least it wasn’t in the head per your request!\u00a0\u00a0Tee hee tee hee.”<\/p>\n

In my HEAD, it actually went something like\u00a0this, “Good.\u00a0\u00a0I’m glad I hitchya.\u00a0 If you can’t protect your own boobs with the tennis racket because you suck\u00a0so badly AND you’re drunk, you deserve to get hit.\u00a0 But at least it\u00a0wasn’t in\u00a0the head\u00a0per\u00a0your request.\u00a0\u00a0Tee hee tee hee.”<\/p>\n

I mean, really.\u00a0 The other team was absolutely awful.\u00a0 I kept telling my partner that if we didn’t win this game, we were the suckiest tennis players.\u00a0 Ever!<\/p>\n

Come on!\u00a0 I know I SUCK.\u00a0 But I don’t want to be the…SUCK-I-EST<\/em><\/strong>!\u00a0\u00a0 Right??\u00a0 Who’s with me on this?!?<\/p>\n

And my partner\u00a0didn’t believe that the chick on the other team was drunk…until drunkypoo actually asked, “Ish it my turn to SWERVE again already?!?”\u00a0 Yes, yes it is.\u00a0 Funny how that happens.\u00a0 You have to swerve every fourth turn.<\/p>\n

Speaking of swerving, when drunkypoo’s\u00a0partner was swerving,\u00a0she\u00a0made\u00a0drunkypoo\u00a0stand\u00a0almost OUTSIDE the court because she\u00a0was afraid she might accidentally hit drunkypoo\u00a0in the head.<\/p>\n

Trust me.\u00a0 I’ve played against Swerver Extraordinaire\u00a0before and – in addition to seeing her toss the ball up five, six,\u00a0SEVEN times before swerving –\u00a0I’ve also\u00a0actually\u00a0SEEN HER hit her partner in the head during a swerve.\u00a0 So it\u00a0was a good move on her part to put\u00a0drunkypoo Baby in the Corner.<\/p>\n

But in all fairness, they did have good eats and drinks after the match.\u00a0 So there is that.\u00a0 AND the conversation about the Medium Parties they’ve hosted and attended was interesting.\u00a0 So there’s that as well.<\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0 And also??\u00a0\u00a0I wonwonwonwonwonwonwon!!!!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…my friends!\u00a0\u00a0(Freddie Mercury\/Queen, 1977 – but close enough to the 80’s to win me two points in the “80’s song for every moment in life” game I play in my head). And WHY\u00a0is this song in my head? Because I won!\u00a0 I won!\u00a0 I wonIwonIwonIwonIwon!!! I won my FIRST tennis match last night: 6-2, 6-2.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1563"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1563"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1563\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1570,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1563\/revisions\/1570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1563"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1563"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}